Cheers to the police minister

Cheers to the police minister

Let’s start with a small housekeeping matter before getting to the meat this week. Muckraker is getting sick and tired of the security guards brandishing bottles of spirit at shops.

It’s as if someone has told them they are the new Covid-19 doctors.
The guards have discovered a new job and they are busy at it.
Muckraker knows the intention is to protect the customers but wishes their masters also taught them to aim at the hands. Some are spraying everywhere. They keep missing the palms to spray the wrists and arms. The adventurous are going for the face and chest.

Which makes Muckraker wonder what else the guards are missing if they cannot aim at something as big as palms. Mmmmmmm. What is going on in your mind now perverts? They could be missing thieves. Phew!
Now to the pith.

Muckraker has seen a video of someone who looks like Police Minister Lehlonoholo Moramotse buying beer during the lockdown.
Of course Moramotse has denied taking a delivery of two crates of beer from a Chinese man.

But not even a stray dog in Seapoint will believe his denials.
The evidence of his chicanery is overflowing on the video. Muckraker can tell you without a doubt that Moramotse is a distinct man, whose bulk figure cannot be mistaken.

No other politician in parliament and cabinet looks like him. He is special.
Moramotse is ample evidence that the Creator is not stingy.
His tummy is protruding from the video. Muckraker is therefore not going to launch a habeas corpus case for the minister to bring his twin brother.
Instead of pleading his innocence the minister should just admit that he was doing what every Lesotho politician does: calling on favours from their leChina.

There is nothing criminal about asking your Chinamen to quench your thirst during the lockdown. After all, other politicians have received bigger things from their Chinese.
A little better of tipple is nothing alarming.

Moramotse can also claim that a man of his stature cannot be expected to live on bread and motoho alone for 21 days.
He could also say he finds it tough to remain sober when his police officers are beating people to pulp in the villages.

And he is not alone hunting for beer to get through this lockdown. Many are imbibing hopose. Others have turned to the black market for something to blunt the pain of the lockdown.
The only difference is that the minister happens to have his own Chinese who can deliver on call.

That brings us to the hypocrisy of lynching the minister for such a small transgression.
True, he violated the lockdown rules imposed by the cabinet.
Indeed he is one of the people who are supposed to enforce the lockdown regulations.

But in our criticism we should not pretend to be overly disgusted and behave as if we are pious. Moramotse’s crime is that he is so passionate about his beer that he cannot resist the temptation to buy it when bars are closed and others are not allowed to buy it.
The same cannot be said for people violating the constitution with vim and stealing government money.

Politicians are violating lockdown rules to have marathon nocturnal meetings to plot Uncle Tom’s demise. The police, who Muckraker hears want to quiz Moramotse about his shenanigans, are busy breaking bones in the streets.

All this is not to justify the minister’s monkey shines but to show that there are more noxious things that should horrify us. This was just an old man doing some mischief.

It’s alright to shame him but we should never forget that his is not the most heinous of crimes. There are worse criminals perambulating our streets.
The only real reason why people are screaming about the minister is that he is enjoying the benefit the lockdown has denied them. More precisely, people are angry that they have been locked up.

They have become touchy. Humans, like all animals, are cantankerous when caged.

That explains why there is so much bile spewed on social media.
A few days ago Basotho and South Africans were quarrelling over a post on eNCA news about Lesotho being “Covid-19 free”.

It started when some bored blabbermouth from South Africa made a snide comment about Lesotho being a tiny country with five people, 10 goats, five cows and donkeys.

He didn’t put it in those words but the import of his words amounted to the same.
As can be expected, Basotho came out firing salvos at South Africans for being arrogant, insensitive and condescending. Soon it had degenerated into a verbal scuffle soaked in vulgar insults.

Mothers from both countries were called names and so were ancestors.
Basotho were called donkey eaters and South Africans lazy shack dwellers using children to suck grants from their government.

Our beloved Moshoeshoe I International airport was called a two-men entry point with no stamps. That almost got to Muckraker because for some reason the person who wrote that had been mutilating syntax in the previous posts but had suddenly managed to put together a perfect sentence.
That alone implied that he had put some thought into that insult and summoned all his lost Matric composition skills because he wanted it to sting.
Go to hell you illiterates, Basotho said.
The shouting match dragged on, with each party rummaging every nook and cranny of their brain to find the most spiteful words to spit at the other.
Muckraker found the whole battle amusing, coming as it did from a mere announcement that Lesotho does not have a confirmed case of Covid-19 yet.
The squabble achieved zilch apart from showing that idle minds conjure silly ideas and caged people are irritable.
Both parties have been locked in their homes by a virus. Their freedom has been curtailed by a tiny organism they have never seen and will never see.
They may scream at each other until donkeys tell tšomo but our misery will not end.
It doesn’t matter whether you live in a hovel, mountain, hole, mansion or hotel.
But Muckraker understands that some might have just been taking the opportunity to kill time.
It’s their choice to clutch at whatever they can use to keep sane in this time.
By now we have all discovered our therapies. Some scream while others pray.
Some like trolling and unleashing insults on others on social media.
It’s a pity bars are closed and Moramotse has swallowed the little that remained of the beer.
Check his picture if you think Muckraker is lying about the whereabouts of several crates of beer from the Chinese.
Find your own leChina or just someone to clobber on Facebook. Stay away from the fridge because you will need to fit into those jeans after the lockdown. The lockdown is not an excuse to eat your way up the sizes.

On a related matter, Muckraker is flabbergasted that someone in South Africa is suing CR7 to open bars.
CR7’s ban on beer sales has offended an association of beer traders who say it’s unfair and unreasonable. They want him to open the bars pronto, faster that he can say “My fellow South Africans”.
You can be sure that someone is rubbing their hands in glee. They cannot wait to drink themselves all the way to stupidity. Muckraker has no qualms with the association fighting for its rights.
What she cannot get is why no one in South Africa has sued the president to reopen schools.
Muckraker is not insinuating anything but just wondering if no student is really furious about staying home. Surely there should be some association that sees the closure of schools as unfair.

Nka! Ichuuuuuuuuuuu!

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