If donkeys were MPs

If donkeys were MPs

Let’s start by pushing the argument a notch lower to cater for the majority of the MPs who are celebrated empty-heads.
What is it that an MP does that a donkey cannot do? Many will be hard-pressed to find a difference.
MPs eat a lot, so do donkeys. Donkeys fight just like MPs did a few months ago.

Both can make sounds. A well-trained donkey can vote just like an MP. They both mate.
Let’s not hear the silly argument that donkeys cannot read like MPs because it is a notorious fact that most MPs cannot comprehend what they read. What is the point of being able to read when you cannot comprehend the meaning of the words?
Let’s bin the tempting argument that MPs can scrutinise laws because that is not true.

The average MP knows zilch about law-making. It is the technocrats and a few smart MPs who can interpret the law. The rest are just relevant when it comes to voting.
Now that we have eloquently established that a donkey can be an MP we have to ask why MPs think they deserve to be paid M75 000.
And we should make one thing clear before we conclude this matter: While a donkey can be an MP it cannot be said that an MP can be a donkey. Donkeys are loyal and MPs are not.

Donkeys work hard while MPs are lazy.
All this amounts to saying that this country will go somewhere far if donkeys were MPs. All we need are hardworking and loyal donkeys that work for their masters and demand very little in return.
Just a kraal and some grass is enough for a donkey.

Yet every day it is carrying heavy loads plus its owner to the grinding mill.
It works in the field for crops it doesn’t eat. Oh, blessed is the MP who behaves like a donkey for he will be remembered for selflessly toiling for his master.

Muckraker will never write an open letter to the any politician for it is banal self-delusion to think they read anything couched in civil language. Insults and votes are the only languages they understand. Insults, because they thrive on them.

Votes, because they are the only things that scare them. Anything else is just some balderdash to be ignored like a fart.
So today Muckraker pulls a middle finger to the MPs clamouring for a shocking salary increase. There is a cabal of overrated backbenchers who want their salaries increased from about M40 000, itself a vulgar figure, to a tear-inducing M75 000. As usual, there is no cogent justification for demanding such an obscene amount.

They will never talk about the cost of living because that is not the issue here.
The point is to eat, eat and eat. When they want to cross the floor in parliament they will claim to have consulted “their” people.
But when they want to increase their salaries they huddle in that cracking Chinese-donated rondavel and speak in hushed voices.

When it comes to salaries it’s their business and theirs alone. You can see there is something sinister about the timing of this outrageous demand.
There are some misdirected souls in parliament that think they can arm-twist Dr Moeketsi ‘Mr Softie’ Majoro to pummel then with more maloti. Although none will say it, the truth is that they think Mr Softie owes them something for carting him into State House.
They want to put the fear of God in him so that he can play ball.

But Mr Softie, as an economist, should not be dragged on to the gravy train full of greedy charlatans. Instead, he should invite the MPs to an educated debate about salaries.

A salary is not what you think you should earn but what the employer says they can afford.
You can negotiate all you want but in the end it is affordability that determines what you get.
The truth is that Lesotho cannot afford to pay M75 000.
But that, however, will be a sophisticated debate beyond the collective mental stamina of our dim-witted MPs.

A simpler argument should be about whether they work or not. No MP can claim that they deserve the salary they are demanding. In fact, none of them deserves what they are getting now.
It will be a miracle if Lesotho’s MPs work more than three months a year. Let’s do the numbers. From June to August they are on a winter recess. Call it the hibernation season.

From November to February they are on the festive break. Call it the eating season.
Those two breaks amount to seven months of unbridled indolence. Of course they will tell you that their work is not restricted to the parliamentary session because they also have constituency offices. That however is a barefaced lie that can only be told men and women with big tummies and empty heads. There is no need to wonder what they will be doing during the remaining five months.

The evidence is there in the Hansard.
There are prayers, a few questions and some heckling. Occasionally they will debate one or two Bills but evidence shows that they don’t make many laws in that parliament. There are tens of Bills gathering dust which they argue about mundane issues.

It’s not that they don’t have the time to discuss the laws. No! They have all the time in the world but they spend it on petty issues.
And they can work if they want to. Look at the stunning speed with which they passed the amendment that stops a prime minister from advising the king to dissolve parliament when he loses their support. For the first time they were putting in overtime because they wanted to protect their jobs.
Look how they dutifully attended parliament when they wanted to kick out Uncle Tom.

So yes, the MPs have the energy but they spend it on themselves instead of the people.
Muckraker knows that no amount of public anger will stop the MPs from pushing this M75 000 issue so she would like to warn them.

Keep hammering at this if you want to see Muckraker stripping naked at parliament. Some perverts will ogle at her curves and that is the point.
Only a nude Muckraker will keep the MPs busy enough to momentarily forget about the salaries.

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