Money munching machines

Money munching machines

Muckraker’s first car was a battered ramshackle that barely moved but left her as broke as a church mouse. A shack on wheels, it was.
It took Muckraker three years to gather both the courage and the money to buy another car.
She learned her lesson. The dotcoms have also given her the confidence to trust fifth-hand cars. Basotho are yet to learn this lesson after more than a century of so-called independence.
They are still buying expensive fifth-hand machines that have high maintenance costs but produce nothing. Those machines are called MPs.
Calm down because the MP was not invented recently. It’s short for Money Pincher or a Moronic Politician or a Money Pilfer. The official name is Member of Parliament.

An MP is an indolent machine. It just sits there, waiting to be fed with money.
If you don’t give it money, it starts making irritating noises.
Those who bought the machines used to think it cost M37 000 per month to keep it silent.
It turns out they were wrong because on top of the M37 000 it also consumes M150 daily in something brilliantly named a ‘sitting allowance’.
But the machine is not content with just sitting to earn a sitting allowance.
It also sleeps and snores loud enough to startle goats in Mokhotlong.
Until recently, the MP machines also used to require a M500 000 interest-free loan to idle around.

When that was removed, the machine cooked up another money-munching scheme.
It said it needed petrol or diesel to keep sleeping or it would wake up and hurt our ears with its noses. The cost of that fuel is M5000 per month. There is no explanation as to how it got to that figure and why it needs so much fuel for sleeping.
It demanded M5000 because it could get it.
Yet there is some method in its scheme.

M5000 translates to M300 000 over a five-year term. That is not very far from the M500 000 zero-interest loan it used to receive.
In fact, this is a better deal because it doesn’t have to be repaid.
The machine knows its owners will cry for a few weeks but they will soon forget that it is a useless appliance designed to rob them blind.
Next year the same people who are threatening to dump this machine will be talking about an engine overhaul. The thievery continues.

Nka! Ichuuuuuuuuuuu!

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