Mopping the floor

Mopping the floor

IF you ululate for a moron at a funeral you should not be shocked when they molest the corpse.
Cheer them on and they will pee on the coffin.
Soon, they will turn their willy on the mourners and drench them in with their wee-wee.
This is not a hypothesis but something happening in Lesotho.
For years, we have cheered for politicians who continue to shower us in their pee.

Initially, we thought it was a mistake. After a while, we said it was fine that they were just showering instead of pouring on us.
Now they have drained Maqalika and replaced its murky water with their pee.
They are now forcing us to swim in it as they laugh like hyenas. The joke is on us. Their pleasure is our misery. We cannot do much about it because the etiquettes of democracy dictate that we cannot simply fire or recall them. The power of the voter ends as soon as they have marked the ballot.
If they have elected a donkey, they will have to live with it for the next five years unless there is a snap election or the pere is called by its ancestors.

This being the election season, we have seen a renewed effort by politicians to pee on their voters.
They are doing it through something called floor-crossing, a toxic ritual that is brazenly undemocratic.
Every week we hear stories of MPs defecting to other parties.
Their explanation is nauseatingly predictable.
Nyoe, nyoe, I was sick and tired of the infighting. Nyoe, nyoe the party is mismanaged. Nyoe, nyoe my people have told me to defect. Such blatant betrayal of the people’s trust is always followed by cheers from either the media, the benefiting political party and their zealots.

In their shallow minds, they will say this is democracy in action. Holy dung!
Floor-crossing is one of the most selfish actions in politics. Often the floor-crossing is not informed by the people’s will. Don’t believe the pathetic lie that an MP has consulted their voters.
They say so because they want to be seen to have gone back to their voters to seek approval to join another party. But then a consultation, in whatever form, is not akin to an election.

An election gives the voter a chance to choose among several candidates while the so-called consultation involves one MP merely telling the people he wants to leave the party. Even if the people disagree, that will not stop him from defecting. Did Muckraker say defecting? No, she meant defecating.
The consensus is measured by him. There is no one to say how many people he has consulted. For all we know he might have consulted his nyatsi, her friends and relatives.

Besides, an MP doesn’t represent his voters but the whole constituency.
Muckraker has a suggestion to stop this nonsense. MPs who defect should be forced to consult all the registered voters in their constituency. All of them. Make them knock on every door until they have the same number of signatures as the votes they received. Floor crossing should be harder than getting elected.
It’s time to stop this gobbledegook.
If they cannot get those signatures, they should be made the floor of the entire parliament building before defecting. Only then can they understand what a real floor looks like.

Nka! Ichuuuuuuuuuuu!

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