Our silly MPs

Our silly MPs

Let us not justify baloney. There is no time to mollycoddle the silly ones. The time for pep talk is over. Our MPs’ demand for a salary increase is BS, whichever way you look at it.
That is the beauty about tosh: it stubbornly insists on remaining tosh even if when you deodorise it.
A frog remains a frog even if you smear it with makeup and clad it in earrings. Our MPs don’t deserve a salary increase either today, tomorrow or decades to come. There is no point in rewarding mediocrity.

But before we hurl insults at them it is important to unpack the motive behind their demands. Oops, there is nothing to analyse because the MPs don’t have any justification for their demand.
They just want an increase because they think they deserve it. The business of defending the MPs’ demands has now fallen on Arthur Majara, a wannabe political analyst who has an opinion on almost everything from how pigs should mate to why winking is good for your health.

He was handed the platform to fight the MPs’ inane battle by Bereng Mpaki of the Lesotho Times in a story aptly headlined Ridiculous and Cruel: MPs’ salary demands slammed.
Always ready to unleash his mouth even when the mind is reluctant, Majara pooped some drivel that will continue to stink till 2020 and, possibly, beyond.
“Modest salaries for MPs and other officials lead to corruption because you cannot have the huge responsibility of overseeing the management of public funds yet you are not financially stable,” Majara gushed without much prodding.

So according to Majara there is a strong connection between corruption and low salaries. Such an assumption will not find takers even at a kindergarten.
We could cut him some slat were he being sincere in his claim that MPs are earning modest salaries. The truth is that MPs are some of the highest paid officials in Lesotho. Anyone earning a M30 000 per month salary has no right to plead poverty. Anyone who has the nerve the describe M30 000 as ‘modest’ has a morsel of manure in their head.
Bereng Mpaki seems to have forgotten to say ‘goodbye’ as soon as Majara started waffling so the political commentator changed gears.
“How do we expect someone who earns about M30 000 to take care of the nation’s M17.5 billion worth of assets,” he said without noticing the silliness of what he was suggesting.
Nowhere in the world is a salary linked to the value of the assets under management.

There is zilch connection between the GDP of a country and the salary of MPs. Anyone who wants to manufacture that link is high on something illegal.
And let’s not pretend that MPs are managing the economy. They don’t have the skills to perform that task. Most of them cannot even manage their kraals.
Majara should have zipped in the first line but his mouth was plugged to a motor powered by air. Nothing was going to stop him from running his beak. He said MPs’ salaries were last reviewed 20 years ago.

That, he reasoned, means that the MPs are due for another review. What skewed logic is this? Just because something was has not been done in a long time is not reason enough to do it.
In any case, one could also make the counter argument that if MPs were already earning more than M30 000 in 1999 it follows that they were already overpaid.
The truth is that not even the talkative Majara could come up with a solid reason to justify the salary demand. He was just clutching at straws as he is wont to do in most of his commentaries.

Muckraker will not ask why our journalists are always in a stampede to get Majara’s view on national issues because she already knows the answer. They think he is smarter because he sounds smarter than them.
A word of caution: just because someone can string a sentence in English doesn’t mean they are intelligent. Machabeng College has produced more dunderheads than Methodist High School.
But let’s get back to our greedy but lazy MPs. Granted, there is no certainty that they are asking for 100 percent. What has been established is that there was a talk of a salary increase.
Muckraker would want to know which MP has the audacity to even broach that subject. In whose VIP toilet was that MP squatting?
We have to know such things because such suggestions are only made by someone extremely constipated. If Muckraker had it her way our MPs would not earn a cent. Of course they will get allowances to buy makoenya here and there.
Let Muckraker tell you why. First, no one asked them to do the job. They are the ones who clamoured for those positions. And they said they were going to serve the people.
They must therefore take whatever salary the people have to offer or can afford and shut up.
Second, MPs are never supposed to earn hefty salaries in the first place. Theirs is a job that requires no qualification or experience. The intellectual midgets teeming in our parliament bear testimony to this. The dullest characters are in parliament.
Third, our MPs have not done anything to justify a salary review. They are busy farting on their benches.
Only a few of them know what it means to be an MP. The rest are just stooges thrust on the benches to make up the numbers.
Little wonder most of them don’t even contribute to the debates. Some do ask some silly questions but then anyone can ask those.
There is no MP who can claim to have done anything to justify a salary increase this year. Since June last year they have been bickering over trivial matters while the country is burning.
Some can claim that they passed the budget but we all know that is some ceremonial shindig.
Most of the MPs don’t even know what a budget deficit is. Only a few understand how government finances work.
The rest cannot even make a budget for their families. The average Lesotho MP cannot even spell his or her name under pressure.
Our MPs should be taking salary cuts because they are indolent. We have some of the laziest MPs in the world. Lazybones in shabby suits and stuffy outfits.

What really irritates Muckraker is that even those who came to parliament through PR lists are salivating at the prospects of an increase. Never mind that they are in parliament courtesy of a party list drawn up at some nocturnal meeting in Motimoposo.
You can be sure that when people resist their demands the MPs will concoct a battery of reasons to justify why they deserve the increase. Nyoe, nyoe, nyoe, nyoe South African MPs earn a lot more than us.
Well, no one has stopped them from being an MP in South Africa. Nyoe, nyoe, nyoe, nyoe our MPs are the lowest paid in the region.
That might be true but MPs are not part of the job market. It’s not like other countries are going to poach our MPs. The truth we don’t want to utter is that most of our MPs have failed on the job market.
They are either under-qualified or too incompetent to be allowed anywhere near an 8 to 5 job. Some are just too old to say ‘I beg to apply’.
Unwanted by the job market, they troop to Parliament where they specialise in scrambling for the warmest corner in the House. These are people who are now demanding a salary increase.

When did we agree that mediocrity is a virtue to be handsomely rewarded? Because most of the MPs are over 50 it means that they should have worked somewhere before they came to parliament.
Yet they want to tell us that they don’t have houses and cars. Holy dung! Where were they when others were buying houses and cars?
Some still talk about school fees as if there was a moratorium on making babies in their 20s and 30s.
And let’s not hear the nonsense that some of them delayed starting families because they were going to school.
It’s not our fault that they left school at 25. Salaries are not based on the employee’s needs but what the employer can afford.
Muckraker is patiently waiting for any MP to say something about the salary increase. There will be pandemonium.
Finance Minister Majoro must not even think about listening to those demands because Muckraker will spank him for months.
This is not a threat but a promise.

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