Poor Litjobo

Poor Litjobo

OH Dear!
That was Muckraker’s horrorstruck reaction when she heard Thuso Litjobo talk about the teachers’ strike. It is not yet known what spirit had possessed him to join a debate way beyond his mental faculties.
Even goats in Qaqatu know that Litjobo is not a genius.
Mosisili’s camels in Qacha’s Nek gave up on him a long time ago.

Muckraker was driving to Mafube but she just had to stop when she heard that Litjobo had opened his mouth on a local radio.
Don’t ask which station because they are all the same. They are a magnet for riffraff.
It is not that Muckraker expected anything particularly sophisticated to come out of his garrulous mouth. Curiosity won the moment. It killed Muckraker with laughter.

And so mediocrity started oozing from the shrieking radio. The emitter was our own motor mouth Litjobo and he was at his best: a busy mouth divorced from an empty head due to irreconcilable differences.
But it did not matter even if the head was connected to the mouth because the head is a vacuum.
The point is that he didn’t have to be there because no one expected him to make a substantial contribution to this erudite debate.
Litjobo has always been a useful mouth at political rallies and party conferences.

But those who know him well have learned to keep him as far as possible from any discussion that requires some reasoning.
They know that apart from such matters giving him nightmares they also cause him to suffer a pounding headache.
There are some people to whom reasoning is an agonizing ordeal. It gives them a rash.

Good friends know your capabilities and limitations. Thus far, the LCD, DC and AD have used him properly. When they want to make noise about nonsense they send him.
When they want to lynch any enemy they unleash Litjobo. All they have to do is to brief him properly and keep the instructions short. They instruct him like a six year-old.

If they want him to attack, they lock him in a room for three hours and make him watch wrestling.
When he comes out they say: “You notice how that guy was beaten in the match? We want you to do that to so and so with words.”
Litjobo will nod and sprint to the press conference. There are only two rules.
The first is that you must never talk to him 30 second before the press conference because he might forget your instructions.

The second is that you must give him the instructions two minutes before the press conference.
Violate any of those rules, Litjobo will be a disaster.
He might even attack those who sent him to the press conference. At party conferences, they will call him in when it’s time to sing and shout slogans.

Mosisili had mastered how to keep Litjobo away from anything that requires much use of the brain.
Litjobo ngoan’aka, tsamaea o e’o nthekela motoho,” Mosisili would say as soon they start discussing the constitution and manifesto. He would specify that he wants motoho from a certain shop in Butha-Buthe.
And even if there was a shop selling an exact brand two blocks away Litjobo would drive all the way to Butha-Buthe. That is how he is: simple, loyal and obedient.

Mosisili learned to keep Litjobo from complicated subjects after watching him embarrass himself at party meetings. At one meeting Litjobo argued for hours that there was no chorus.
It took the meeting three hours to decipher that he meant a quorum.

In another meeting, he almost lost his voice as he bellowed about ‘closes’ in a constitution when he meant clauses.
Eventually Mosisili decided to save the man from himself.
Monyane Moleleki too keeps Litjobo away from complex matters. Before any meeting, he will give Litjobo some mundane chores like counting cars on the streets.

One day Litjobo, after a rare moment of insight, asked Moleleki why he had to count cars every time.
“You are practicing to be a minister of transport, young man. Keep at it,” Moleleki retorted.
“I am honoured boss,” Litjobo said. He has been counting cars since then.

It is not clear who had sent Litjobo to speak on radio but whoever it was will not enter Heaven. Nada!
Hell is where such mean people belong.

After the show, Muckraker wanted to call Litjobo for a heart-to-heart talk.
A sister-to-brother chat. The plan was to give him a couple of puzzles to solve. What is 2+2-1+2-1+0x0? What is heavier between a 50kgs of stones and 50kgs of feathers?

If a plane crashes on the border between Lesotho and South Africa, where do they bury the survivors?
“Muckraker’s father has five daughters named Bokang, Susan, Nthabeleng, Mary… what is the name of the fifth daughter.”
The plan was that while Litjobo was still cracking his head Muckraker would give him a simple Sesotho riddle: Khubelu ea otla ntšo, ntšo ea otla tšoeu, tšoeu ea tlola lesaka …e bolela’ng?

You can imagine that Litjobo would just stare at Muckraker with a blank face while scratching his head. Then after a few minutes he would say: e thata nthoena!
And if Muckraker pushed for answers the man would say: Ke mohlolo!
But Muckraker perished the thought of requesting the meeting when she remembered that Litjobo has a delicate mind.

It is not Litjobo’s fault that he is not gifted with the brain to comprehend complex matters.
And there is nothing wrong with that.
The problem is that he vehemently refuses to accept that he has very little substance between his ears.
That is why he just dives, head first, into discussions way above his acumen.
The teachers’ strike is one such issue.

Muckraker has already taken a stance on the matter. She thinks the teachers have turned into hooligans and mercenaries. They are destroying property and using students as pawns. That is unacceptable.
Muckraker knows not of any parent who is not horrified by this strike and its impact on students.
Yet that does not mean the debate is open to the likes of Litjobo. Such characters muddy the waters under the guise of contributing to the debate.

They speak so that posterity can record them as having said something.
Substance does not matter to them because the idea is not to find solutions but to just say something.
But there is a much more compelling reason why Litjobo should not speak about the strike.
He didn’t spend much time in school, so he cannot claim to fully appreciate what teachers do.
He has the audacity to speak ill of teachers because he thinks every teacher simply teaches “a, e, i, o, u”.

Muckraker anticipates the usual excuse about the man having lacked opportunity to go to school.
Holy dung!
There is free primary education and no one has been stopped from enrolling. There is no age limit. Secondary school wouldn’t cost much to a man like Litjobo. NMDS is ever ready to sponsor students. And books don’t bite. What’s his excuse?

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