The dead donkey

The dead donkey

THE Dakota Indians in the United States have always known that when your donkey is dead the best strategy is to dismount.
The trouble with politicians in Africa, especially in Lesotho, is that they refuse to accept that the donkey is dead.
Instead, they scurry around for solutions that involve the dead donkey. They will buy new whips to flog the donkey, hire a new rider or appoint a special committee to look into ways to resuscitate the donkey.
When those fail, they attempt to reclassify the donkey as unconscious, harness more donkeys to improve the dead donkey’s efficiency or appoint the dead donkey to supervise other donkeys.
When all fails they will find a consultant to tell them that the dead donkey is cost effective because it doesn’t require much upkeep.

They will keep hiring and firing consultants until they find one that recommends that they continue mounting the dead donkey because replacing it will be expensive.
Uncle Tom’s dead donkey is the old executive committee.
That donkey died in February but he has been scrambling to revive it for the past five months. And that dead donkey has been playing a central role in its revival. It is has been advising Uncle Tom on ways to breathe life into it.

“Get the first aid kit. Hurry up, old man,” the donkey has said to Uncle Tom.
“Get me a specialist doctor.”
“Antibiotics will work wonders.”
“Come on, no doctor has declared me dead yet.”
“Ask the court to look at the circumstances surrounding my so-called death.”
“Maybe we should negotiate the terms of my demise.”
The old man of Lesotho’s politics is hoping for a Lazarus moment.

Last week three High Court judges declared that this donkey is as dead as a dodo.
But against all advice and wisdom Uncle Tom remains glued to this ghost of a donkey, furiously whipping it.
Some have opined that perhaps this dead donkey has long ceased to belong to Uncle Tom. They say it’s in a chariot driven by some stunner somewhere in Maseru West.
They might be right but the fact is that it’s Uncle Tom who insists that he has the title deeds to this dead donkey. It’s therefore his dead donkey to beat to resurrection.
And he has defended the dead donkey with fury.
Just this week he fired off letters to dismiss a couple of living and healthy donkeys that have been waiting for him for several months.

These are the same donkeys the courts have certified to be alive and kicking.
Yet Uncle Tom remains adamant that his dead donkey is still relevant to his journey.
This is despite that Ntsekele, the man who is the head of the dead donkey, had quickly conceded that the donkey is finished.
So here we are: the lashing of a perished donkey continues. Uncle Tom’s arrogance would be hilarious were it not doubly sad. He is clutching at straws to save the dead donkey.
Muckraker’s grandpa used to tell her that when you are tired you don’t think straight.
“Take a breather my girl,” he would say.
Uncle Tom is tired and is making silly mistakes.
Sometimes he forgets his own words.

Three weeks ago he was telling his followers that Professor Mahao is not a member of the ABC. This week he conveniently forgot those words and announced that he was expelling Professor Mahao from the party.
He is firing Professor Mahao from a party he never joined. Phew!
Someone pass Muckraker a hankie.
All this selective amnesia is aimed at resurrecting his dead donkey.

Unable to resuscitate the donkey, Uncle Tom is now spanking every one.
Last week his whip landed on Court of Appeal President Justice Mosito.
Justice Mosito was basking on a heater at his office when his clerk brought in the letter from Uncle Tom. Uncle Tom was telling him, in a few words, that he should leave his job at the National University of Lesotho (NUL) if he wants to remain president.
You could see from the letter that Uncle Tom was accusing Justice Mosito of moonlighting as the president of the apex court.

He said when he appointed him he was under the impression that he would relinquish all jobs in the country.
His reasoning is that Justice Mosito’s impartiality is likely to be compromised if he holds other jobs.
To be fair, Uncle Tom has a point.
The only problem is that he is pretending to have just discovered that Justice Mosito also works at the NUL. Where was he all this time when Justice Mosito was freelancing as Court of Appeal president?
In any case the whole process seems to have been contrived to put the judge in a fix.
It is a notorious fact that a Court of Appeal president is not paid a salary but an allowance based on cases heard.
If there is no session then he doesn’t get paid. The fewer the cases he hears, the smaller the allowance. That simply means that the Court of Appeal President is like a freelancer.
You have to hand it to Uncle Tom for his ability to miraculously forget the things he says.

Muckraker vividly remembers what Uncle Tom said in two affidavits to support Justice Mosito’s legal fight to be reinstated as Court of Appeal president.
In those glowing affidavits Uncle Tom waxed lyrical about Justice Mosito’s industry.
He said the judge was so resourceful that he could work as a judge and still teach at NUL.
May we never forget that Uncle Tom literally moved mountains to reappoint Justice Mosito after he was spanked out of office by Size Two.
It was a fight Uncle Tom was determined to win at all cost.

You would be forgiven for thinking that Justice Mosito had promised to surrender all his allowances to Uncle Tom when he was reappointed.
Yet barely six months later Uncle Tom is brandishing a threatening letter.
It’s a joke bereft of a punch line. It’s not funny but you laugh because the one who shares it looks utterly silly for having thought its funny.
Uncle Tom must feel betrayed by Justice Mosito. He fought to reappoint Justice Mosito when everyone thought it was a lost cause.

He must have thought Justice Mosito will return the favour by being a pliable judge like that sister who is now specializing in having her judgements overturned by the Court of Appeal.
Muckraker always knew that Uncle Tom would regret this decision.
Now watch as Justice Mosito bites their behinds.
Justice Mosito cannot be domesticated.

Nka! Ichuuuuuuuuuuu!

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