The land of political jokes

The land of political jokes

THIS week, there was a tickling Facebook tiff between the DC and LDC. Muckraker gobbled the virulent posts to keep boredom at bay.
It was a thoroughly enriching diversion from the numbingly dreary brouhaha in the ABC. The rumpus between the failed and desperate cousins (read LCD and DC) is more amusing than the kicking and scratching in the yellow camp.

There is nothing as enjoyable as a useless war of useless things. The fight in the ABC has ramifications on the government.
At least the factions are quarrelling over a party that is still substantial.
The party might be a two-legged horse but it remains the country’s biggest.
It is capable of charming lousy and broke girlfriends like the BNP, AD and RCL.

For those reasons you could forgive the ABC factions for pelting each other with boulders. There is something to fight for.
Their contest is therefore more of a matter of concern than a comical spectacle.
The same cannot be said of the combats between the DC and LCD zealots.
Muckraker will not bother to find out the source of the brawl because she doesn’t believe it matters.
Political hovels are not worth fighting for.

The LCD is a pathetic excuse of a party while the DC is a hobbling hobo of a party.
The LCD’s chances of getting back into government remain zero unless it prostitutes itself. Its two previous stints in government were a result of days of grand pimping.
It had to invite the DC to a marathon strip tease plus loads of extras to get cabinet posts.
Never mind that it was because of some ill-conceived partnership with the LCD that the DC failed at the polls.
Mothetjoa Metsing, the LCD leader, is long buried in a cesspool of self-inflicted scandals and clever propaganda from his opponents. He remains in that VIP pit despite his claims to have returned home.

Metsing is now a political midget who insists on playing among the big boys.
He has neither the talent nor the strength to hold his own in this game.
Henceforth, he will not get even a ladder to peep into the compound of power.
He cannot even qualify to be a gate boy at Qhobosheane. That means when it comes to getting into the corridors of power Metsing is way lower than those loud fellows who man the gates in Nigerian movies.

Were it not for this nonsense that party leaders cannot be challenged, he would have started packing his bags to leave the shabby little mokoko the LCD calls an office.
The DC might not deserve the tag of a “political spent force” but its decline is apparent.
Mosisili’s exit has the left the party bereft of a unifying figure with the political charm to keep the aggressive and greedy characters in the same boat.
In his place is Mokhothu, a young chap dismally failing to keep old hawks on a leash.
Controlling those oily snakes was bound to be tough because they don’t believe he has the character and stamina to take them back to the feeding trough.
The Sekatles jumped ship as soon Uncle Tom beckoned.
A flashy smile, good looks and soft voice don’t cut it in the jungle that is Lesotho’s politics.
They say he is not devious and sly enough. They don’t respect his reign because they see him as a political novice parachuted into leadership.

This reality in the DC and LCD explains why the Facebook fights between their dwindling supporters are hilarious. They remind Muckraker of an old story of how two vagrants who had shared a drain for years became sworn enemies.
One day, after rummaging through town bins for food, the two friends retreated to their hole to share crumbs and bones.
They were about to finish the meal when one of them asked a hypothetical question.
“Bro, what will we buy if we pick M10 on the streets,” he asked as he picked his teeth with a chicken bone.
“Well, I would say we buy a loaf of bread for that hearty meal we have always craved,” replied the other.
“No, I think we should buy a broom to clean this drain,” the other retorted with a tinge of agitation in his voice.
And thus began a heated dispute on whether to buy a broom or bread. When the argument finally ended the friendship had abruptly broken, but not before bloodied noses, broken bones and bashed heads.

They are yet to pick the M10 they fought over.
The same is happening to the LCD and DC supporters. They haven’t found power but they are squabbling over power. They are not fighting over strategies to wrestle power from Uncle Tom because they have none.
Muckraker suspects that frustration has something to do with their fights. For months they have waited for Uncle Tom’s wobbling government to tumble into its grave.
They keep praying that the fights in the ABC will be potent enough to upend the government.
They cannot understand why the RCL and the AD remain intact despite the catfights in their leadership. They now know that barring some spectacular divorce in the coalition they will remain in political Siberia.
The longer the wait, the more irritable they become. Bullies are petulant when they don’t get their way.
That is why they are now pouring bile on each other.

Sadly, their insults are not even creative. One DC zealot said Metsing is a thief.
That should have hurt were thievery taboo in this country.
An LDC supporter fired back by reminding everyone that Metsing has never been charged or convicted. That should have been a strong pushback were he talking to a congregation of dimwits.
Although Metsing has not been charged, he remains thoroughly convicted in the public court from which votes are generated. That ‘conviction’ will not change even if he is not charged by the police or convicted by the courts.

Another DC zealot accused the LCD of poisoning the well for his party in the last election.
He opined that the DC would not have lost so miserably if it had not cobbled an electoral deal with the LCD. He was right but, again, that is not an artistic insult.
Such unoriginal slurs should not be uttered on Facebook.
They make the utterer look like a silly copycat desperate to land a cheap shot by citing things from an old hymnbook of insults.
If you want to say something on social media stay away from the banal.
Where is thy wit, comrades?

We all know the LCD was the chain that fastened the DC to a pole in the last election.
It’s obvious that a combination of mediocrity (LCD’s main talent) and average (DC’s strength) is not a recipe for excellence. Depending on the mix you can remain mediocre or average.
The trouble for the DC was that the LCD’s mediocrity was so concentrated that it refused to be neutralized. The partnership’s defeat confirmed theirs to be a toxic mix.
In any case, it’s too late to scream about the whole episode.

Another asked DC supporters what sin the congress parties had committed to deserve characters like Metsing and Mokhosi. That too was a meek dig because the LCD sired the DC.
Both men were colleagues of the DC leaders.
As for what sin the congress has committed you only need to know that the congress parties, like all other parties in Lesotho, are a magnet for riffraff.
The question was answered decades ago.

The most humorous was an allegation by an LCD supporter that Mokhothu is a thief of money. Its sounds like a stinging insult until you look at the characters that inhabit the LCD.
Black pots should not enter a contest of blackness.
When it comes to a legacy of looting the DC and the LCD are joined at the hip.
Please note that Muckraker has not added a word to the allegations against Mokhothu or Metsing. She is not in the business of ululating for fighting rascals.
It’s been decades since she learned the perils of being a cheerleader for naughty scoundrels. If you ululate for a rascal who chooses to bath at a market you should not be shocked when he eats the soap.

The same applies to spurring a rascal at a funeral: he will fondle the corpse.
So Muckraker doesn’t give a rat’s behind whether the allegations are scandalous lies or stubborn truths.
All she wants is for these public displays of tomfoolery to last a little bit longer.

That is why she is furious at Metsing for trying to douse the fires at his weekend rally. Metsing said the supporters should desist from attacking their leaders.
Such attempts to interfere with Muckraker’s pleasures should be condemned with the contempt they deserve. Metsing should not sabotage free fun because he offers none as a replacement.
He has the personality of a stone and the oratory skills of a cat. A conversation with him is a sleeping pill. So when other people offer some entertainment Metsing should keep his monologues to himself. He might be the subject of the fights but that doesn’t mean his opinion matters.

On an entirely different note, Muckraker has had it to the back teeth with the delays in the ABC case. This morabaraba baloney is a joke that has long ceased to be funny.
Chief Justice ‘Maseforo Mahase doesn’t seem to know how to untangle this ABC knot. It seems she is hoping that by some miracle the factions will make peace without her intervention.
If that is the case then she is Waiting for Godot. There is a better chance of Lesotho becoming a superpower than the ABC factions finding each other. So she can huff and puff but she will eventually have to make a ruling.

That is what it means to be a chief justice. She must embrace the acting allowances with its troubles. That’s what you get for accepting a position stolen from a fellow sister. If you didn’t want the trouble you could have said “thank you, but let this calabash pass me”.
You, madam, knowingly imbibed the chalice.
Here you are in the hottest of hot seats, being asked to make a decision in which you will be accused of being captured whichever side she rules for.
If Justice ’Maseforo Mahase doesn’t rule on the matter in the next two weeks, Muckraker will start referring to her has Chief Justice ’Masefokol.
That nickname will remain hers to keep until she makes a ruling.

Nka! Ichuuuuuuuuuuu!

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