When the mouth files for divorce

When the mouth files for divorce

WE appreciate people who think before they talk because they make the world a better place. We tolerate those who talk before they think for this world is for everyone: blabbermouths, morons and imbeciles. But we are yet to master the art of dealing with those who just talk and never think. We have all met suck ilk but still get flabbergasted when they reveal that their mouths have rebelled against their brains.

It shocks us because we assume that at some point the mind has to catch up with the mouth. Alas, it never happens. And so we watch in aghast and anguish as such breed subjects us to their tomfoolery with unbridled vim.

What makes it particularly sad is that this variety always thinks what it says matters.
There was a time when Trade Minister Tefo Mapesela allowed his mind to work a little bit before it sends a signal to the mouth.
What he uttered was not spectacularly insightful but we could see that he was onto something. Half a loaf is better than nothing.

We thought all he needed to raise the bar was to learn to count to 10 before he speaks. That way, we reckoned, Mapesela would not hurry his mouth to say mundane things.
We were still fervently praying for that to happen when Mapesela started showing signs that the grudge between his mouth and the brains was becoming toxic.
Something had disconnected between those two organs. There was no peace or coordination.

Still, we hoped for a reconnection while we endured the torrent of his loud mouth. After all, he was no different from the flocks that share our oxygen in the villages. We thought just one session of fato-fato will fill the donga between his brain and mind.

Then last week something dramatic happened. Mapesela’s mouth suddenly served his brain with divorce papers. Irreconcilable differences were cited. There was also a mention of conjugal rights that had been withheld.

It is with an aching heart that Muckraker announces that our prayers that his mind and mouth will be rewired have not been answered. The mouth pulled a middle finger at his brain and it is running wild. Seemingly oblivious to the ruination he was about to visit upon his already tattered reputation, Mapesela took to the airwaves to launch an acerbic attack on two chiefs.
Frothing at the mouth as if someone had stolen his goat, the minister fired salvos at the chiefs whose only crime, if at all it was that, was to attend a BKB wool and mohair auction in South Africa.
He called them marenanyana. Muckraker would swear that he labelled them marenanyana-nyana-nyana. In an instant Mapesela had demoted principal chiefs to class monitors.

He could have ended his rant on that gutter-level note but he upped the ante to accuse the chief of imbibing so much BKB liquor that they lost their minds.
Muckraker thought she heard him say the chiefs should allow themselves to be ruled.
But if they wanted to dabble in politics, he added with verve, the chiefs should enter the political fray.

That was quite a mouthful to unleash on men who had not emptied their bowels in a village well in Mokhotlong. The point here is not that Mapesela should not have clobbered them because they are chiefs.  Rather, it is that he has no right to speak of other people like that. Muckraker is certain Mapesela doesn’t use the same language to describe his goats and sheep in Mokhotlong.

Little wonder the ABC is scurrying way from his Mapesela’s statements.
He is fast becoming a political liability that should be shoved under a bus (Not a Lesotho Bus and Freight bus because those things never move).
The ABC should have told him to zip it a long time ago but we live in a country where nincompoops are allowed to masquerade as heroes. Never in the history of this country has a man been allowed so much leeway to run his mouth without consequences.

We could live with the likes of Litjobo and Ramatšella because we understood that they were simple activists hungry for relevance.
We had the same lenience for Mapesela when he was a mere politician ogling a political office. The past few months have however proven that a pricey suit and a minister’s office will never clean a man of his riffraff ways.

Even as he occupies a cabinet office he remains vehemently committed to behaving like he is a villager (no offence to the villagers). But he seems to have met his match in Chief Khoabane Theko who wasted no time in chopping off his wings. Chief Theko described Mapesela as a ‘delinquent and an idiot’. A delinquent is typically a young man who commits crimes, particularly petty crimes.
Other words closer are hoodlum, ruffian, vandal, hooligan and miscreant.

An idiot is a stupid person. There are more than 120 words equivalent to ‘idiot’. They include halfwit, dunce, simpleton, dullard, dimwit dum-dum and dunderhead are Muckraker’s favourites although ‘moron’ and ‘fool’ are short, quick and ferocious.

Now, it is important to note that Chief Theko did not think it was fair to describe Mapesela as just an idiot or just a delinquent. He said he was both.
Muckraker is merely interpreting what the chief said without adding any salt or pepper. Listening to the chief was clear that he did not think that it was enough to call Mapesela a delinquent fool. He said he viewed Mapesela as a “silly excuse of a human being and a “minister of a boy”.

Mapesela might be none of those things but he has opened himself up to be described as such because he failed to keep his mouth on a chain.
He passionately courted the ridicule he suffers. Yet Mapesela is not beyond redemption. All it takes to put him on a straight and narrow is some chastisement from his political master. The problems however is that things are so chaotic in the ABC that it’s not clear who his master is.

It could be one of the factions burning midnight oil in nocturnal meetings. It could be Uncle Tom himself or the Mrs. Yet it’s not only the haranguing from the superiors that can rehabilitate him. He can do it himself by remembering a few rules. The first is that it’s not everything in the mind that should be said aloud.
Not every thought should escape through the mouth.

For instance, Muckraker thinks that Prince Seeiso is one of the most handsome men in Lesotho but she will never tell him because that will be awkward.
The second rule is that not every idea should be implemented. Just because it’s in your head doesn’t mean you should put it into action.
For example, Muckraker has always wanted to storm the parliament with a long sjambok, lock the doors and spank the hell out of the MPs.
This is a dream Muckraker has had since she saw her first moon. She has however not acted on it because that will be a dangerous adventure. The likes of Phori are said to have been street fighters before they came to parliament.

Qoo is said to be an avid wrestling fan.
And so Muckraker keeps her dreams in check for fear of having her face rearranged. Mapesela should do the same if he doesn’t want to find himself on the wrong end of the stick. Are you about to pray that Mapesela gets the wisdom to use those rules?

Nah, don’t waste your time and bruise your knees because that will not happen.
Mapesela is probably gathering new insults to use on Chief Theko.

On another note, Muckraker chuckled last week after hearing AD spokesperson Thuso Litjobo proffering unsolicited advice to the ABC.
According to the report Litjobo said the ABC should urgently resolve its internal squabbles to ensure the coalition government’s stability.
“We can only advise them (ABC) as our partners but at the end of the day the onus rests on them to decide whether or not they are willing to work out their difference. It is up to them to take or not take our advice.”

Phew! While Muckraker was reading that story she was also looking at images of some angry AD supporters demonstrating at the party’s offices.
The zealots had burnt the party’s furniture. You read that right: fire was used in a political fight. So while Litjobo was playing a pro bono counselor to the ABC the AD members were engaged in arson.

Which leaves one question: Did Litjobo look in the mirror before playing Chaplin to other political parties?
He speaks for a party that has angered people so much that they resort to thuggery. ABC officials should laugh him out their offices and tell him to come back when he has told AD members to stop trying to braai the party offices.

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