You too are Feslady

You too are Feslady

HERE we go again. Feslady this, Feslady that. Feslady here, Feslady there. It’s Feslady everywhere.
The latest episode was at Setsoto Stadium where she is said to have viciously clobbered Minister Mahali with insults. They say Mahali is still dazed. Nobody encounters the Feslady’s wrath and remains the same.
Those who claim to have witnessed the drama say the Feslady was unrelenting even as Mahali was galloping away.
Those who specialise in despising the Feslady were quick to say: “Oh, shame! The woman has done it again”. And so radio stations were chocking with stories and gossip about her alleged shenanigans at the stadium. The usual suspects called the stations to fume and vent against the Feslady.
One presenter interviewed the Feslady allegedly to get her side of the story.
Yet even from the questions it was clear that the Feslady had already been convicted before she entered the witness box. She had been called to merely add flavour to the drama in which she was the main act.

Nothing she said was going to change the narrative about her.
After all, her reputation precedes her. As she laboured to explain herself some were thinking about her kung fu incident at Maseru Private Hospital a few months ago.
If that was not fresh enough then the rumoured altercation with a poor waiter at a lodge was evidence that she has not changed.
The shrieking against her thus goes on, getting louder with each misstep she makes. She is not very far from dramas so she will remain in the news until she learns the art of slowing down.
Someone should give her a signal to go easy on the drama.
Its fine mama, we see you, we feel you. Now take a breather.

But in all this brouhaha none has bothered to understand the Feslady’s actions.
Hence her lynching continues unabated.
Over the years Muckraker has mastered the effect of power on people.
She also understands that most criticism in the world has nothing to do with morality or the need to make the target better. Instead, it is envy that makes people look for the vilest words to describe someone.

Today Muckraker will tell you why you hate Feslady with such passion: it’s not about her actions but yourself. Nothing she has done is completely outrageous. Rough talk is common and so is a bit of skirmishes here and there. People get pissed all the time.
Muckraker is not saying she approves of her pranks but she understands.
Let’s start with women who are the most vociferous when pillorying the Feslady. The truth is that most of them would behave exactly like the Feslady in similar situations.
Most are already behaving like that on a small scale. They are as loud and as bossy as her.
They are mean to the maids and poor relatives. Their only weapon is the little paycheque they get from their little job.

Just because they have a little ching ching in the pockets they climb a high horse and start spitting on those they perceive to be lower than them.
We all have those friends who cannot stop bellowing at the maid. The friends who say the most evil things about their mother, mother-in-law or uncle.
To them the Feslady has to be hated and criticised because she is competition. It hurts them to imagine what they would do if they had the same power and money as her.
She does what they are doing at a much grandeur level and in the full glare of the public.

She pushes her weight because she has earned it through her marriage to a powerful man. She has money too.
Meanwhile the wannabe drama queens we have in our villages and houses are broke and powerless but they want to match her. If those drama queens were married to men with real power and real money we will be running for our dear lives.
They would pee on our heads and force us to lick their boots. But because they have neither the money nor the power they are restricted to their small spheres of influence while the Feslady plays in the big league.

Let’s go deeper. Muckraker has watched in disgust at how Basotho women treat waiters at restaurants. Flicking their fingers like they are calling their pet.
Barking orders as if they own the place when they are just guests. Twisting faces smudged with cheap makeup. Small tyrants pretending to be customers.
No etiquette, no class. Just some jumped up villagers who have stumbled into some little change to eat out once in a blue moon.
You see it when they struggle to pronounce names on the menu and how they start going on about not liking this and that as if the menu is a questionnaire.
Before the order comes they have swallowed three glasses of cheap wine. The face is heavy, eyes red and speech slurred. The mouth has been unfastened and the brain shut.
They become loud. The waiter becomes their personal assistant. Can I charge my phone? Bring me warm water please. Can I have another straw please? Oh, the glass is dirty.
I said tap water not bottled water! They order rare steak but complain that it’s not well done. And after all the harassment meted on the waiter they don’t leave a dime in tip.
“Ke mosebetsi oa hae” they say to rationalise their stingy ways.

Then there are those aunties who want to control funerals because they are married to some big shot.
They come to the funeral late and expect everyone to jump because they are the ones who bought the flour for the scones. You know she has arrived when people, especially the poor relatives, scramble to the tap to wash their hands before greeting her.
We have the same awful characters who want to steal the show at weddings.
They start drinking before the church service, getting ready to be a nuisance at the main ceremony. They do this because they are that aunty who contributed to the bride’s gown and they own the cars being used.

In their small way they are exercising their power. Think of your crazy mother-in-law and how she pushes her weight around as if their son is the best thing to happen after sliced bread.
Think of that daughter-in-law who has no sense of proportion or decorum.
Now think of that lady boss who is just a mad dog itching to bite you for flimsy reasons. The point is that we have no shortage of drama queens in our lives.
What differs are the levels of the drama. We are either dealing with drama queens or we are one of them. Humility is a scarce commodity in this country.

So the next time you feel like bludgeoning the Feslady look in the mirror or around you. Your anger might have nothing to do with morality but your envy.
Muckraker will tell you without fear or favour that many women would not think twice if offered a chance to replace the Feslady. They will take her man, her life, her history and her character.
They will fit right into those shoes. As Muckraker writes this there are probably thousands of women, including those who claim to be happily married, dying to replace the Feslady.
The Feslady knows this so she is always on guard to defend her territory. That is why she insists that no one comes to Uncle Tom except through her.
She is the way and the gate to Uncle Tom. She knows that if she blinks one of those who are railing against her will be winking at Uncle Tom.
The same women who are furious that the Feslady is blocking their access to Uncle Tom are doing the same to their boyfriends and husbands.
It doesn’t matter that their husbands or boyfriends are just losers fit for the dustbin.
What’s theirs is theirs.

One of the main reasons why women are angry at the Feslady is that they cannot believe that she has climbed so fast up the social ladder.
They remember her as a commoner they thought would not amount to much. When Uncle Tom started dating her they said it was a fling that would not last.
Soon she was living in the State House with her man.
And before they could get used to that living arrangement they were receiving wedding invitations. They watched as she changed from being Uncle Tom’s girlfriend to Feslady.
Now they are inconsolable. They say she has captured Uncle Tom as if there was ever any doubt that marriage is about capturing. They complain on Uncle Tom’s behalf as if they are his keeper.
Nyoe, nyoe, nyoe, she is controlling Thabane.
Nyoe, nyoe, nyoe she is in charge.

Yet they have captured their own husbands and boyfriends.
It’s not the Feslady’s problem that you have captured a goat while she has captured an elephant. Live with it!
Muckraker is not saying she likes the Feslady’s behaviour but she understands.

Now let’s turn to men. For years some have made it their vocation to ingratiate themselves to Uncle Tom. His door was always open.
The Feslady has shut the door and slowed turned the key. The men are not angry that the door has been shut because they know that doors to powerful men will be shut at some point.
What infuriates them is that the door has been shut by a woman.
Forget their noise about her interfering with party and government business.
Don’t believe the racket about her being allegedly disrespectful. The truth is that Basotho men are not used to losing to women.
The Feslady has beaten them to Uncle Tom’s heart and they are bitter.
That is why they claim that Uncle Tom has been captured as if they themselves are not captured in their own homes.
In their desperation they see nothing wrong with accusing Uncle Tom of being in captivity when they themselves are in shackles.
They have the nerve to complain on his behalf as if they know what he wants. They are crying louder than the bereaved. Now they want to portray Uncle Tom as a victim of manipulation when he is probably perfectly fine with the love of his life.
Anyone who says Uncle Tom is being manipulated knows zilch about him.

Age might have stolen some of his agility but he remains as shrewd as ever.
What shocks Muckraker is the cowardice displayed by our men. They have resorted to attacking the Feslady because they are afraid of Uncle Tom.
Instead of saying he has allowed himself to be captured they say he has just been captured. What he thinks about this alleged capture doesn’t matter, according to the men.
The allegations of capture have not even been verified but our men are running with it because it is the easiest route to get to the Feslady.
So Uncle Tom’s mistakes are blamed on the Feslady because they say he would not have tripped if she had not captured him. This is a silly tactic to avoid facing Uncle Tom himself.
In a way they have insulated Uncle Tom to criticism.
He remains the prime minister but some men think he is incapable of making decisions on his own. It’s as if Uncle Tom has rented out his brains to the Feslady.
It’s all nonsense concocted to avoid dealing with the issues.
Go face Uncle Tom himself if you are men of steel.

If you don’t have the spine just zip it and allow yourself to be ruled. You proudly voted for this, now enjoy the benefits.
Lastly Muckraker is hurting because the Feslady’s bodyguards allegedly interfered with some good drama. If the allegations that they pulled the Feslady as she was going after Mahali are true then those men are guilty of sabotaging fun.
They should have allowed her to get closer to Mahali.
Maybe we were going to have a quick fight. Muckraker likes fights, especially between women.
A few blows damage no mascara. It’s high time the Feslady gets into a real fight.
We want to see if she can back up her words with a good fight. So whoever stops her from pummelling someone next time will get a tongue lashing from Muckraker. Be warned!

Nka! Ichuuuuuuuuuuu!

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