Muckraker

‘Back to school’ nonsense

Published

2 months ago

February 7, 2023

The Post

Whoever started this ‘Back to School’ ritual will not see heaven.

It is one pointless shindig. You have breasted women looking silly after forcing their huge frames into tiny uniforms.

You have bearded men harassing small shorts and their bushy legs molesting grey stocks.

Their leg hairs are peeping through the socks. Tummies at war with undersized white or sky blue shirts. The blazers are under stress.

By afternoon the adult ‘students’, still in their overwhelmed uniforms, are gulping beer and smoking weed.

None is yet to explain the real motive behind the charade.

Muckraker’s mini-survey among the uniformed bellies yielded nothing substantial to explain why some adults find pleasure in such nonsense.

Some said it’s meant to inspire young ones by showing that those now working were once students. Which is to say the young ones should work hard to get to where the old ones are. Phew!

Yet that point is quickly invalidated when the adults in uniform behave like rascals and drink themselves senseless.

If the point is to inspire then companies that want to have useful “Back to school” events should insist on graduation gowns, not Peka High School or Methodist High School uniforms.

Change the level from secondary school to tertiary and the excitement will evaporate.

And if adults are nostalgic about their high school days, maybe, just maybe, they should write LGCSE Mathematics exams. How about simple Sesotho compositions?

Muckraker will volunteer to be an invigilator.

Yet even that too will not do much to inspire the young ones who know that most of the old ones are simply failures merely getting by. The truth is that most of the old ones don’t inspire any confidence or ambition.

Few can claim to be ideal role models. There is very little to like or admire about their lives.

Most adults need to go back to school, real school, to relearn basic manners.

Many have spent years giving education a bad name by being functionally illiterate and bungling simple tasks for which they receive wages.

There is very little evidence that some of those who join the ‘Back to School’ boloney have ever been to school.

If you think Muckraker is being malicious just look at your colleagues. Turn your head slowly.

Oh yes, that dimwit pretending to be busy in the corner is watching porn.

And that one…yes that one. She likes talking about Muvhango during work hours.

That one in a floral dress takes days to finish a simple task.

That one in the white shirt cannot spell his name under pressure.

Yes, that one in the blue skirt still hasn’t finished that report she was supposed to submit in January 2019.

That short one is on a final warning after he brought a fake sick note for the fourth time in three months.

That chatterbox drunk in the other corner doesn’t like paying his daughter’s school fees. He goes missing for five days after getting paid. He still thinks he is smart though because no one tells him that he is an unmitigated moron.

And the tall chap from the corner office is a pervert who likes giving female colleagues indecent hugs. He talks too much but his only certificate to get the job was a political party membership card.

And that yellowbone from accounts spends more time gossiping instead of accounting for petty cash. That chubby fellow who is always snoring on his desk only comes alive when it’s time to discuss office parties.

He once had a bout of depression after losing the election for the company’s entertainment committee.

The management had to persuade him to withdraw his urgent High Court application to challenge the election results.

He has been chairman of the entertainment committee for the past five years because no one dares to challenge him. Everyone knows what that position means to him.

Nka! Ichuuuuuuuuuuu!

muckraker.post@gmail.com

Muckraker

Machonisa on fire

Published

5 days ago

March 21, 2023

The Post

It was only a matter of time before the so-called socialist party owned by a machonisa started unravelling. Now the capitalist owner of the Socialist Revolutionaries is lashing out at anyone who dares to tell him to behave himself.

Teboho Mojapela is moving around his party’s structures with a phafa, leaving his victims scratching their bums.

Muckraker has no sympathy for his victims. They deserve what they are getting.

Having deluded themselves to think that they are stockholders in the SR, they should now enjoy their harvest of thorns. They were guests at Mojapela’s house but tried to tell him how to arrange his furniture and what to eat.

He is telling them to go find somewhere to play because the SR is his personal property.

That the SR is in Mojapela’s armpits has always been clear. He formed and funded it.

It’s just that some were too naïve to realise the obvious.

Thabo Shao packed his bags and left after Mojapela whipped him out of his house. He now mumbles something about Mr Machonisa being a dictator. He says that as if it’s a discovery to be shared with the rest of the world.

Yet anyone with something between their ears would have known that a machonisa who brags about beating his naughty workers could not possibly be a democratic leader.

Only Shao and a few dimwits didn’t know that.

Anyway, Shao’s exit will not change much because he just doesn’t matter. He is a political nonentity who overrates himself.

What interests Muckraker is Mr Machonisa’s nerve to call Shao an uneducated rascal. That hurts because it’s an insult coming from someone who has made it a mission to give education a bad name. Mr Machonisa’s definition of someone educated is Tlohelang Aumane. Hear, hear, and hear. Phew!

Does anyone remember Aumane saying anything either educated or educative?

Muckraker only knows him as a political jezebel incapable of staying in one political bed for more than 15 minutes. He is always itching to be married to the next political party.

Muckraker is tempted to say Aumane is politically horny but she won’t say it for fear of offending the oversensitive souls. The kind that claims to have almost suffocated to death after someone farted in a hall.

But Mr Machonisa doesn’t care about Aumane’s habits because he thinks he is renting a brilliant political mind. A few things will happen in that union.

Mr Machonisa will soon realise that Aumane is just an empty-headed political slay queen always looking for the next partner to get him Ice Tropez (May lightning strike whoever drinks that but cannot afford it. Fire!)

Aumane will realise that Mr Machonisa is a moneyed but unrefined village bumpkin whose mouth has a terrible habit of rebelling against his brain.

Mr Machonisa will find the next brain to rent while Aumane will be putting on his stilettos to find another political lover to smooch on the Maseru streets.

Nka! Ichuuuuuuuuuuu!

muckraker.post@gmail.com

Muckraker

The queen Mampara

Published

5 days ago

March 21, 2023

The Post

Muckraker once promised to say nothing about the Feselady but that Mampara’s mouth keeps running as if it’s connected to Muela Hydro Power Station.

The Feselady told some ABC members who visited her home that she will not associate with the party until it distances itself from the remark of suspended spokesman Montoeli Masoetsa. What made her relapse to her Drama Queen ways was Masoetsa’s attack on her and her hubby. He said the ABC lost because of Uncle Tom and Feselady.

That simple truth, known to even donkeys in Qaqatu, pierced her cheeky heart and got her tummy roiling. She now says she will never wear the ABC’s regalia until the party apologises. Don’t laugh. If this was a threat, the Feselady has lost her touch.

She used to beat people for merely looking at her in a funny way or calling her hubby.

She would harass government officials in public. Now she has been reduced to threatening to avoid yellow dresses and T-shirts to fix the ABC. Boom! Boom! The mighty Drama Queen has fallen.

What remains is just the fading memories of power sexually transmitted.

The transmitter of that power has long ceased to function literally and figuratively.

But the Feselady is too engrossed with herself to realise that she has neither the power nor the capacity to make threats to anyone. She rules only her home, yard and a few idiots still clinging to her.

It takes some sophistication to read irony and the Feselady doesn’t have even a pinch of it. Her people in Mokhotlong rejected her when she tried to sneak into parliament via that hollow popularity garnered through matrimony.

ABC supporters think she is just an uncultured blabbermouth. That she thinks anyone would lose sleep over her threats to burn the party’s regalia or turn them into fatukus is comical. Her tantrums will not change a thing. Her boycott might be the best thing to happen to the party since the October 7 defeat.

Why would the few remaining ABC supporters worry about a garrulous charlatan boycotting their party?

The last time she was wearing the ABC like a wig, it lost more than 200 000 voters, flew to the opposition benches and became a smallanyana party. Nothing hurts more than that. So bring it on mummy!

Nka! Ichuuuuuuuuuuu!

muckraker.post@gmail.com

Muckraker

The RFP’s thokolosi

Published

2 weeks ago

March 14, 2023

The Post

The RFP leaders should fire whoever is advising them on how to deal with constituencies demanding a conference to elect a new executive committee. Their response to those demands has been a comedy of errors.

It’s been nothing short of kindergarten blunders unbefitting of people who sold themselves as the smart ones to lead the country out of darkness.

The secretary general told those bellowing for a conference to take a chill pill and wait for Uncle Sammy to give directions.

Uncle Sammy said those people or their kind are divisive, dragging the party off its agenda and incapable of understanding his dream for the country.

Other leaders have said those clamouring for a conference can go plead their case to a mountain because the current national executive committee will run the party for another six pregnancies.

Never mind the words they use, the leaders are telling the members that they will not be told how to manage a party they started. This is to say the leaders will not be taking instructions from the riffraff. Yes, I said it! Those rubbed the wrong way can curse.

Someone should round up the RFP’s executive committee members, lock them up in a room, throw away the keys and spank them until they understand politics.

They are clearly struggling to make a distinction between a political party and private companies. You would think this is common sense but the human mind is always slow to banish habits.

The RFP leaders were used to being business owners, not political leaders. That is why they cannot understand why anyone who wasn’t there when they started the party can tell them how to manage it.

But make no mistake, reality will grab them by the noses and eyelids back to their senses. They will be taught three simple lessons. The first is that political parties are voluntary entities in which power lies with the members.

The second is that party members are not employees you can just instruct to jump around because you pay their wages.

The third, which is more important, is that the only time a political party is a personal property is when it’s an idea in the founder’s head. Once registered and people join, the members own the party together with its structures, leaders and vision.

The other problem with the RFP’s responses to the demands for an elective conference is that they keep pretending that those three constituencies are just rogues out to sabotage the party. Nothing can be further from the truth.

Those constituencies are small thokolosis of someone right there in the party’s echelons. They represent a growing faction in the party. That faction that is a thokolosi was birthed when the party was still a spirit. It was nurtured when the party was registered and continued to grow during the campaign.

By the time the RFP became government, it was a full-blown thokolosi vigorously doing bedroom things to produce more thokolosis. Now it is granddaddy thokolosi living in the RFP’s armpits.

There is a simple way to find the thokolosi’s owner.

Just round them up and beat them until their parents start wailing. If the parents don’t come out the thokolosis will run to them for protection.

Nka! Ichuuuuuuuuuuu!

muckraker.post@gmail.com