A new disease  in town

A new disease in town

THERE is a new disease doing rounds in Lesotho. Scientists have called it Chaos-21. Its symptoms include fatigue, a feeling of hopelessness and occasional bouts of anger.

Sometimes you can have what doctors are calling the Triple D symptoms: Denial, Delusion and Dejection.

Some nurses say they have observed Triple F symptoms: Frustration, Fury and being Fed-up. Those afflicted sometimes spit profanities and scream at anything yellow.

The disease was first discovered when a woman was seen attacking lemons in the vegetable aisle at Shoprite. Eyewitnesses say she just walked to the shelf and started cursing at the fruits.

When the manager tried to stop her, she pulled out a molamu and started bludgeoning the innocent lemons. Their crime was that they have the same colour as the ABC, the virus that causes Chaos-21.

Unlike other viruses, the ABC virus can be seen by the naked eye.
Those given to conspiracy theories say the virus was created by some politicians who insisted that they were scientists.

Their leader was a 66-year-old scientist who had worked in labs like Colonial Research Centre, Leabua Jonathan Institute of Science, Military Junta Centre for the Science of Violence, Ntsu Mokhehle Pharmaceuticals and Mosisili Medical Enterprises. Others say it was never meant to be a virus but a vaccine to the country’s corruption and poverty. Muckraker is not bothered by either of the explanations.

What is clear is that the ABC virus is wreaking havoc. Watching the victims enduring untold suffering, Muckraker is reminded of how they injected themselves with the virus some 17 years ago.

They swore that this was not a virus. When the chief scientists came to power through a coalition with DJ Waters of the LCD bacteria, they celebrated for weeks.

“We told you this was a good virus and the old scientist only wanted the best for his people,” they said to anyone who warned them about taking too much of the virus and believing the scientists.

But by then the virus was marauding through their excited bodies but the symptoms were not apparent.

When there were signs that the virus was dangerous, the victims blamed it on the LCD bacteria and DJ Waters. They also said it was General K-Mo’s interference that was causing problems.

The scientists were eventually kicked out of power and went into a two-year hiatus, during which he kept bellowing about the goodness of his virus. His supporters gobbled his words with zest and worked overtime to bring him back to power. He returned but things got worse and the symptoms were beginning to show.

He gave a new meaning to corruption and looting while aggressively pushing the frontiers of mediocrity.

Tenders were rigged and the economy went into a tailspin. Rascals and gangsters became ministers while morons were appointed principal secretaries. Yet the patients remained in denial. Untreated, the Chaos-21 spread around the country like a veld fire. Watch the victims now as they walk around like zombies, angry and disillusioned.

You cannot remind them of their excitement because they might just turn violent. Muckraker will never say I told you so. They deserve therapy rather than taunting.

Mr Sofitie’s biggest assignment before he leaves power will be to hire thousands of psychologists to help the Chaos-21 victims recover. Muckraker is ready to have a striptease show to raise the funds for such a noble cause.

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