Here they come!

Here they come!

Muckraker sincerely apologises to the army for her jibe last week.
It was never her intention to accuse the army of being an indolent lot.
They are hardworking servicemen who keep our country safe.
Safe from a non-existent enemy. Kkkkkkkkkkkk.
Because the probability that a foreign army would skip South Africa to invade Lesotho is zero, Muckraker suggests we promote our military to be a special police force.

They will replace those who call themselves the police special unit when all they do is guard ATMs during holidays (T&T guards do that very well). The only thing special about them is the uniform.
Special because it doesn’t fade as fast as those blue ones.
We need a special police force for cattle thieves and border jumpers.
Molibeli’s people are not fit for purpose. Now that the apology has been proffered and duly accepted Muckraker has a few words for those officers being deployed in Mozambique.

Do not get up to some hanky-panky in Mozambique. I beg! Keep your hybrid seeds to yourself.
If you have to do it then remember to wrap it.
Your genetic intervention is not required in Mozambique.
It won’t be hard to tell if the soldiers didn’t take aunty Muckraker’s words seriously.

In thirty years, Mozambique will have 20 000 political parties run by Lekhoakhoa, Motaung, Motsoeneng, Mokubung, Mofokeng, Mohlakoana, Mosia, and of course Mokoena.
Their parliament will be unruly and they will have elections every three months.
They will not resolve their problems until South Africa sends some retired judge.

Once the judge arrives, they will all rush to him with their complaints like kids reporting each other to a father who has not been home in a year. Mothetjoa pinched me. Monyane ate my food. Phori insulted me. Mapesela kissed the girl next door. Keke was playing with your molamu.
But at least our soldiers will bless Mozambique with people who just scream at each other without fighting.

South Africa’s soldiers will give the Mozambique rascals who loot and burn buildings.
Shack-dwelling zealots who violently defend a thieving former president who lives in a plush homestead built by the government.
But at least those are fighters. The same cannot be said of what Zimbabwean soldiers will leave in Mozambique. A docile people who cannot fight for better lives. People who claim to be educated but are ruled by imbeciles.

Nka! Ichuuuuuuuuuuu!

Previous Reading into the Caine Prize
Next Unpoliced mouths

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