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How to buy votes

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If politics was a school our politicians would be in a special class. They are slow learners.

You see them now crisscrossing the country and pretending to be with the people.

They are not kissing dirty babies like the Americans but bringing goodies to rallies.

Some blankets here. Some beans there. Makoenya here.

They are doling out cash and other trinkets to villagers they think are dull and unsophisticated.

Those who call this crudity ‘vote buying’ underestimate our people in the villages.

They don’t know what they are talking about.

Pseudo analysts stuck to bookish narratives.

The people are three steps ahead of the politicians.

They are not being bought because they have mastered the game and are playing it well.

They will take the goodies, sing at rallies and listen to the politicians spitting the same old wretched lies.

This week, the DC will bring them maize-meal and the RFP will be coming with cooking oil in two weeks.

The ABC will hand them cash today and the AD will bring blankets tomorrow.

The people don’t discriminate on whose goods they will take.

Each donation will be named after the political leader who brought it.

The blanket from the DC will be called Mokhothu.

The ABC’s packets of beans are Kabi.

You hear them talking about who they will be “eating” or “drinking” this weekend.

They have a schedule of whose food they will be eating every week until the elections.

Experience has taught them that they will be orphans after the elections.

They have to eat now and they are eating. And they will promise to vote for any of the politicians who bring goodies. But don’t be fooled because they know what they are doing.

They know the politicians are pathological and unrepentant liars. Compulsive thieves who will steal even a fatuku if they break into an empty house.

There will be no schools, bridges or jobs.

Muckraker has a brilliant way of buying votes and she gives it to the politicians for free because they like free things.

Don’t bother giving food because that won’t work.

Makoenya are a pathetic bait. They reflect more on the giver than the receiver.

They will vote for someone else while wearing your blankets.

Here is the best way to make sure people vote for you.

Buy 5 000 pairs of shoes and take them to a rally.

Distribute the left shoe to everyone and then promise to give them the right shoe when you win the election.

If they vote for your rival you simply keep the right shoe.

If they vote the wrong way you simply call a rally and ask them to bring some wood because you are slaughtering a cow then.

Then when they come you sing them a song.

It goes like this: U fapantse lieta, u jele bonase.

You dance while throwing their right shoes into the fire.

 

Nka! Ichuuuuuuuuuuu!

muckraker.post@gmail.com

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Muckracker

Small and greedy chancers

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MUCKRAKER has not stopped laughing since attending the meeting between the Independent Electoral Commission (IEC) and treasurers of political parties.

The main agenda was how the parties would share the M5 million allocated for campaign funding. As the sharing formula was being announced Muckraker could see some leaders twisting their faces and fidgeting in their chairs.

The IEC said M1 million would be shared equally among all the contesting parties.

The leaders of smallanyana parties were calm until the IEC said the remaining M4 million would be shared proportionally among parties according to the number of votes they won in the previous election.

Suddenly, the smallanyana guys realised that they would not receive much. They lost their heads and started weaping about justice and fairness.

In the pandemonium, Mohatle Litaba, the Basotho Economic Enrichment (BEE) leader, stood to speak.

“How can the IEC say we should get into the ring and fight Goliaths yet we are Davids?” Litaba said. Muckraker thought she saw a tear drop from Litaba’s left eye as he said those words. It was as if his bread had been stolen.

That David versus Goliath story appeared to be shared by other leaders of smaller parties who thought big parties were getting a lion’s share of the campaign funding.

It was a collective whimpering.

The David versus Goliath comparison sounded reasonable because Litaba was talking about size. His parties and many others are indeed small. The big are big for sure.

The only problem is that the smaller parties are not Davids.

For a start, the real story about David and Goliath is not about size but faith.

David defeated Goliath because he had faith that the Lord would protect him.

Unlike the parties that are demanding more money to fight in the election, David didn’t ask for anything. Instead, he took his sling and picked five smooth stones from the river.

The king offered him an amour for protection but he said it was too big.

So there you have it. David faced Goliath with only faith, a sling and five stones.

The smallanyana parties should do the same if they are real Davids.

They don’t need public funds to win this election.

They should have faith that they will win this election without public funding.

David only fought Goliath because his people were cornered.

Politicians enter an election for power and the benefits that come with it.

They are in it for themselves.

David was the anointed one to lead the nation of Israel. Muckraker doubts that the Lord would anoint the clowns in our politics to lead this country.

Nyoe, nyoe we are Davids. Cut the crap. You are Judas Iscariots.

And the bigger parties should not compare themselves to Goliath either because they are worse.

They have made our lives a living hell.

Nka! Ichuuuuuuuuuuu!

muckraker.post@gmail.com

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Muckracker

Small and greedy chancers

Published

on

MUCKRAKER has not stopped laughing since attending the meeting between the Independent Electoral Commission (IEC) and treasurers of political parties.

The main agenda was how the parties would share the M5 million allocated for campaign funding. As the sharing formula was being announced Muckraker could see some leaders twisting their faces and fidgeting in their chairs.

The IEC said M1 million would be shared equally among all the contesting parties.

The leaders of smallanyana parties were calm until the IEC said the remaining M4 million would be shared proportionally among parties according to the number of votes they won in the previous election.

Suddenly, the smallanyana guys realised that they would not receive much. They lost their heads and started weaping about justice and fairness.

In the pandemonium, Mohatle Litaba, the Basotho Economic Enrichment (BEE) leader, stood to speak.

“How can the IEC say we should get into the ring and fight Goliaths yet we are Davids?” Litaba said. Muckraker thought she saw a tear drop from Litaba’s left eye as he said those words. It was as if his bread had been stolen.

That David versus Goliath story appeared to be shared by other leaders of smaller parties who thought big parties were getting a lion’s share of the campaign funding.

It was a collective whimpering.

The David versus Goliath comparison sounded reasonable because Litaba was talking about size. His parties and many others are indeed small. The big are big for sure.

The only problem is that the smaller parties are not Davids.

For a start, the real story about David and Goliath is not about size but faith.

David defeated Goliath because he had faith that the Lord would protect him.

Unlike the parties that are demanding more money to fight in the election, David didn’t ask for anything. Instead, he took his sling and picked five smooth stones from the river.

The king offered him an amour for protection but he said it was too big.

So there you have it. David faced Goliath with only faith, a sling and five stones.

The smallanyana parties should do the same if they are real Davids.

They don’t need public funds to win this election.

They should have faith that they will win this election without public funding.

David only fought Goliath because his people were cornered.

Politicians enter an election for power and the benefits that come with it.

They are in it for themselves.

David was the anointed one to lead the nation of Israel. Muckraker doubts that the Lord would anoint the clowns in our politics to lead this country.

Nyoe, nyoe we are Davids. Cut the crap. You are Judas Iscariots.

And the bigger parties should not compare themselves to Goliath either because they are worse.

They have made our lives a living hell.

Nka! Ichuuuuuuuuuuu!

muckraker.post@gmail.com

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Insight-pst

The RFP’s cowards

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You have to feel sorry for those who won the RFP’s primaries but failed to pass Uncle Sam’s meritocracy test.

One morning they are accepting their fate and pledging allegiance to Uncle Sam.

The next morning they are bellowing and galloping to court complaining about the same man. It’s a conglomeration of a confused lot.

A hotchpotch of desperate souls.

What is clear is that they are cowards.

Sister Phamotse is the poster girl of that group.

After being denied a chance to represent the Matlakeng constituency, the sister complained a little bit but eventually said she accepted the party’s decision.

She waxed lyrical about Uncle Sam’s leadership and compassion.

“I attended the Thaba-Tseka rally in solidarity with the RFP because even though I didn’t pass my interview, I remain cognisant of the principles which led me to the RFP,” Dr Phamotse said.

“The party is working for a better Lesotho for all its citizens. I admire Sam Matekane’s leadership qualities.

He is an implementer who has done so much for the country even before he ventured into politics,” she said.

“Ntate Matekane is a compassionate individual.

He cares about others’ needs and if he says I need to step aside so he can implement his plans, I am glad to do so because I believe in his ideals.

I have decided not to put myself first but to continue to back him (Matekane) for the greater good.”

“So, I won’t go to court to fight to become the party candidate,” she added.

That was a few weeks ago.

Now she has changed her mind and is among the 16 people suing Matekane and his party.

If confusion was a person.

The duplicity is breathtaking. In August Matekane was an “implementer” and “compassionate leader”.

In September he is a leader who doesn’t respect the people’s will and likes to violate his party’s regulations.

Phamotse and her group say their decision is informed by the recent court victory of five other candidates who were in a position similar to theirs.

They say that ruling against the party shows that they were treated unfairly.

Yeh, right!

If it took them a court ruling to realise that they had been treated unfairly then they must stop whatever they are smoking.

That much has always been as naked as a goat’s behind.

They were just too scared to fight the decision.

Nka! Ichuuuuuuuuuuu!

muckraker.post@gmail.com

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