It’s time to whip politicians

It’s time to whip politicians

HERE we go again. Our politicians are gathering wood for a pyre to cook up coalition government number four. The chief cook is Uncle Tom whose recipe includes something that looks like a government of national unity.
That dish, he opines, will solve our political problems.
The impressionable zealots are jumping for joy and so are the nurses at the State House who were quaking in their boots after Uncle Tom said he will leave in July.

The nurses, who are ministers and other officials whose jobs depend on Uncle Tom remaining in power, are bumjiving to the sound of a new coalition government.
But none is as thrilled as the Lesotho Congress for Democracy (LCD) fanatics who see this as their only way to sneak back into power.

It is obvious that their party is now a political hobo with zero chances of winning an election. With their party as dead as a dodo, the LCD leaders will clutch at any chance to slither into government through the back door.
But we must never be fooled by Uncle Tom’s claims that he is doing this for the people. Even donkeys can see through this ruse. Granted it will be government but banish the thought that it will have anything to do with ‘national unity’.

You need more than nocturnal meetings to form a government that truly reflects national unity. It’s the spirit and purpose – not the numbers – that matter.
This coalition is Uncle Tom’s only way to hang onto the levers of power and avoid the impending murder charges. It’s a ploy to save the Feselady who is already in the dock. Behind this charade of an inclusive government is a self-serving agenda.

Little wonder he has roped in DJ Waters as the assistant chef. Their interests have suddenly dovetailed because DJ Waters too is desperate to parry away his mutiny charges.
So backs are being scratched in this political romance.
Muckraker has no qualms with these politricks. We have seen worse things. What she will not accept is for Uncle Tom to spin this coalition as a result of an innocent meeting of minds by two leaders who share a passion for stability and progress. Anyone who sells that idea is taking Basotho for idiots and is too clever by half.

That is why anyone with something between their ears should have been perturbed when Uncle Tom waxed lyrical about DJ Waters’ virtues.
“One of the political leaders I have discussed this with is LCD leader Mr Metsing because I know him better than the other politicians as we have worked together (in the past),” he said.
“He is a principled chap, and I know that his yes is yes and his no is no. He seemed to embrace the idea.”
That is a bizarre and patently ahistorical statement. History shows that Uncle Tom doesn’t know a thing about DJ Waters’ character.

Muckraker has never worked with DJ Waters but she knows what happened to those he worked with.
Size Two is still recovering from DJ Waters’ stabs in the back.
Brother Mochoboroane had to hastily pack his bags when DJ Waters stung him in the bums.
It is impossible that Uncle Tom has suddenly forgotten that DJ Waters was central to the scheme to upend his first coalition government.

There is no way Uncle Tom could forget how he left the country in a huff in 2014 when soldiers invited themselves to the State House.
Surely he remembers that he galloped across Mohokare River in 2015 after claiming that the government wanted to hasten his journey to his ancestors.

He and his people have always blamed DJ Waters for their troubles. It is them who said DJ Waters was a snake in the grass who instigated the collapse of the first coalition.
They also said he was a thief of money and tried to shove him into the dock for alleged corruption.
The same DJ Waters that Uncle Tom now describes as “principled” has mutiny charges hanging over his head. Phew! The duplicity is staggering and so is the naivety of those who believe it.

Muckraker is also astounded by those who believe Uncle Tom’s claims that an inclusive government will work. This coalition of four parties is already wobbling.
The last one had seven ingredients but still kicked the bucket.
The one before that had three parties but crumbled. Yet we are being told that a coalition with dozens of parties will do the trick. The solution to our ills is neither a broader coalition nor a single-party government. Nor will the reforms help.

We must just round up all politicians, throw them is a madhouse and then spank them daily for three years until tomfoolery leaves their minds.
Voting them out has not worked. Coalitions are not helping. We are tired of exposing their corruption and silliness.
This is an unrepentant bunch that needs a proper sjambok for days.
As we unleash the whip on their thick skins we should force the young men and women who aspire to be politicians to watch. Once we are done with the adults we must bring in the aspiring politicians to beat then in advance for the shenanigans they will commit.

What is clear is that our politicians, both young and old, lack a beating.
Don’t blame it on anyone, not even school because our politics is teeming with equally pathetic people who are former teachers. It’s the same flock.
Churches are not fit for the job because they too are manned by politicians and thieves. The clergy is in the same Whatsapp group with politicians.

For evidence that our politicians need spanking look no further than how they have bungled the national response to the Coronavirus.
In just a few weeks the virus has exposed the mediocre leaders we have.
We have always known this but now they have outdone themselves.
Apart from obviously bungling preparations for what looks like an impending disaster the leaders are busy running their mouths. Their lack of foresight is nothing new.
They will never jump into actions until their people are under a bus. They wouldn’t know a crisis even if it pees on their faces.

The one in charge of tourism and speaks through the nose said Lesotho is safe from the Coronavirus.
The chap responsible for our health sector dithered for weeks until the virus was just a border away.
Uncle Tom called hand sanitizers “santitisers”.
There are lessons from the three gaffes. The Minister of Tourism’s boob teaches us that an accent is not a measure of intelligence. The blooper from the Minister of Health shows the disaster of appointing ministers portfolios beyond their capacity. Because he is not a doctor, he is drowning at sea.

Forget the nonsense that ministers don’t need any qualification because they have technocrats to advise them.
You must have an idea about what your ministry does to understand what the technocrats are saying. Sometimes the head is just too hard to grasp the basics of a certain field.
The one at the top didn’t bother to read his speech before until the camera was rolling.
But that trio is not alone.

Look how the excitable lad at the ministry of small businesses is running around like a headless chicken. He is a busybody confusing activity for progress.
The same applies to the one at the Ministry of Communications. We have no communication strategy to handle the Coronavirus crisis. The one at public service is just praying that the government doesn’t collapse. Turncoats have sleepless nights.

At development planning they have a chap who seems to know what he is doing but keeps tripping because someone lied to him that he is very smart. The finance guy is fine but he clearly is not cut for the dirty tricks that come with party politics.
Social development is under a pompous guy who was fired and then rehired but still thinks he is a mover and shaker in politics. The list goes on but Muckraker is now tired.

Nka! Ichuuuuuuuuuuu!

Previous Dealing with a pandemic
Next Monitoring performance

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