Joang’s foot-in-mouth (FIM-20)

Joang’s foot-in-mouth (FIM-20)

JOANG Molapo suffers from foot-in-mouth (FIM-20), a special disease not to be confused with the foot-and-mouth that affects his cows in Ha-’Mathata. His is the one that makes a man, usually of the political breed, shove their foot into their mouth without provocation or persuasion.

Symptoms include pretending to be clever and a compulsive desire to speak eloquently about subjects beyond your acumen and expertise. Sometimes the patient confuses hallucinations for intelligent thought.
Other symptoms are an uncontrollable urge to be loud, losing control of the fingers when typing on Twitter and a disconnection between the brain and the mouth.

You don’t have to be a doctor to diagnose and treat this disease.
The World Hogwash Organisation (WHO), which specialises in fighting this pandemic, recommends a few remedies. The most effective is just telling a foot-in-mouth sufferer to zip it. A simple “thola!” would suffice but sometimes the infection is too serious to be commanded away by a voice.
In case of a mild infection, you can pull the leg from the mouth and replace it with a dirty sock.

Cow or pig dung are useful to plug the mouth if you don’t have a sock.
But the WHO says if the infection is severe the only remedy is a whip. Just a few doses of phafa will pull the patient back to their senses.
Muckraker doesn’t know if Joang’s FIM-20 is mild or severe. With politicians, one can never be sure of the level of infection. You may think they are severe when they are asymptomatic.

There is no point in asking how they are feeling because most of them are pathological liars.
Which is why Muckraker will leave it to the reader to decide how sick Joang is.
Here is the story. The AstraZeneca vaccine had just arrived in Lesotho when Joang started having FIM-20 symptoms. It happened while he was perambulating the Twitter streets.

He tried to control the urge to say something stupid but his fingers disconnected from his brains and he found himself lying furiously.
“South Africa rejected the AstraZeneca vaccine on scientific grounds alone. Forget the social, personal, economic & political reasons. Show me the science behind the decision to give it to Basotho otherwise it remains a condom with a hole in it,” Joang wrote.

A few minutes later he suffered another FIM-20 attack and went back to Twitter.
This time, he was brief but still transmitted the same message.
“Basotho – the AstraZeneca vaccine is like a condom with a hole in it. It offers no real protection.”

As usually happens with FIM-20 sufferers, Joang was pleased with himself after offloading that tosh on Twitter. Because of the effects of the disease, he felt he had delivered something sophisticated and thoughtful.
But what he thought was an epiphany of sorts was actually the effects of the FIM-20. At that moment Muckraker realised that this kind of infection requires a phafa.

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