Lehloenya and his beard

Lehloenya and his beard

SOME things are just useless. Look at how Teboho Lehloenya’s long and busy beard dismally failed to save him from being fired as a deputy speaker.

It took just a slight push for him and his beard to be jobless. It’s a pity that his beard could not be counted as votes. They didn’t do as much as shake when the motion to boot him out was up for debate.

Now the beard is dancing to famo as he drives back to Kolo, whence he came. All that remains in parliament are tales of his goatee and vivacious bungling. Nothing memorable but just the sound of him bellowing “order, order, order,” as MPs jostled for a chance to call him to order.

Muckraker always wondered why no MP had the guts to walk up to the deputy speaker‘s chair and shove the beard into the owner’s shouting mouth.

It is criminal that even the usually feisty Likeleli Tampane never brought a hacksaw to separate Lehloenya from his beard. But all that doesn’t matter now because the man and his mohair are gone for good.

The lesson from Lehloenya’s spectacular fall is not that beards are useless artefacts to a man. That is already known even to Size Two’s camels.
The real lesson comes in three parts. First is that beards are not wings. So never think they will help you defy the force of gravity when the time to bite the dust comes.

Second is that in politics it is prudent to accumulate more friends than beards. Lehloenya is jobless because he had more beards than friends in parliament.

Third, and more important, is that karma is a bitch. Even those with the memory of a Chimpanzee (it forgets an event within 20 seconds) will recall how Lehloenya pushed the motion to kick out Mosisili and his government.
You could say Lehloenya tied a hapless and hopeless Mosisili with his beard.
It was a sad sight watching a whole prime minister dangling on to a goatee and pleading for his job.

Lehloenya, in the meantime, was having a blast wiping the floor with Mosisili who eventually packed his ha re e Thaba Tseka and retreated to Qacha’s Nek.
Lehloenya’s reward was to become a deputy speaker.
It was a job for a man with little talents but he dismally failed anyway.
If salaries were based on performance then Lehloenya would have been paying parliament for keeping him on the job.

It boggles the mind why anyone would be such a pathetic deputy. He couldn’t even imitate the speaker. He failed to pretend to be the speaker.

Mosisili is having the last laugh. His party is back in government and he remains a backbencher while Lehloenya hobbles back to Mafeteng with his tail between the legs.

The Rick Ross of our parliament is gone but shed no tears for Muckraker is offering a M20 for a barber at the Bus Stop area. No jobless man has to keep such a beard.

Tebobo Lehloenya’s fall would not have been raucously hilarious if Moleleki (Mahaletere) had not put a feeble and dishonest attempt to save him.
First he tried to appeal to the MPs’ good nature to drop the motion.
He said now was not the time for MPs to be kicking each other.

“The timing for the motion is very wrong,” he said.
“I beg all of you to withdraw the motion.”
When the groveling failed he tried to take the higher moral ground by talking about the national reforms.

“Members are busy hurting each other instead of helping on serious issues (reforms),” Moleleki said.
Remember he was talking about the same reforms that have been in the oven for years. “Some issues are done with high emotions and that is why perfection will never be reached,” he added.

When that fell on deaf ears he resorted to pathetic emotional blackmailing tactics.
“We are a laughing stock of the world,” he said, as if the MPs didn’t know that already. “Life is a circle,” he said, as if we didn’t see that his political career has done a full circle. He is back to being a backbencher, a politician that suits him like having Litjobo as his party’s spokesperson.

But none was listening to the whimpering. The MPs just wanted to drag Lehloenya by the beard.
Sitting in the gallery Muckraker wondered why Mahaletere would fight so passionately for Lehloenya. He was saying a jobless man with a goatee can push national reforms. Phew!

Curiously, Mahaletere had forgotten that beards have never helped anyone in politics. He is a living testimony of how beards can sabotage a politician.
For years, Moleleki kept a unique beard that earned him the Mahaletere nickname.

No matter how meticulously he shaped and trimmed that bush, Mahaletere never made it beyond being just another minister.
His fortunes changed the day he cut it off.

Suddenly, he was the deputy prime minister. That he achieved this with less than a dozen seats in parliament shows that it is the beard that was blocking his way.
For years, his party had the majority in parliament but he never got to be Mosisili’s second-in-command.

Perhaps the reason is that Mosisili was riding on him while clinging on to the bush that flowed down his face. All of which tells us that beards don’t matter in politics. It’s too late for Lehloenya to learn that.

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