Power is actually sexually transmitted

Power is actually sexually transmitted

DESPITE her irritation Muckraker is not about to give up on watching Lesotho TV. The reason: that atrocious little thing of stunning ineptitude can spew rare gems of raucously hilarious comedy.
Forget that ours is a pathetic excuse of a TV station. We know that! Never mind that the managers have a neat template on how not to run a TV station.
Obvious! Worry not that the directors never requested a budget for a psychologist to help its viewers to deal with the emotional trauma caused by its numbingly boring and glaringly amateurish programmes.

Phew! All those are tales for another day. For now we cherish the sporadic moment of genius that recently gripped our national TV.
A few weeks ago they had a long news clip about First Lady ‘Maesaiah Thabane haranguing officials from the Ministry of Transport and Public Works. ‘Maesaiah was in her element as she dressed down the principal secretary and director for poor service at the traffic department and the awful state of our roads.

The quick lesson for civil servants was that you must never report for duty without underwear because ‘Maesaiah might just rock up and strip you sooner than you can say ‘Mme!’
The PS stuttered while the director mumbled some inaudible gibberish. They both looked silly, which made the episode doubly mirthful. Here were two senior officials being asked rough and tough questions by someone they cannot just tell off.

But the funniest part of the clip was Uncle Tom giggling in a corner while his sweetheart roasted senior government officials who were not sure how to address her.
First, they could not understand why ‘Maesaiah was asking questions instead of her husband. Second, they could not decide to address her as a government official or merely their boss’ wife.
Third, they could not make up their minds if ‘Maesaiah was there to get proper answers or simply to embarrass them in front of the cameras.
The fourth and most important source of their confusion was whether ‘Maesaiah was speaking for herself or for her husband.

Sometimes you never know who you are answering to. Wives or husbands are usually two-in-one. You offend one and you offend the other.
You never know who is speaking. Sometimes the speaker is just a messenger of matters discussed in moments when hearts are extremely tender, bodies are soaked in sweat and tears of pleasure are flooding the eyes (Muck read that from a Mills and Boon when she was about to travel to the moon).
So you must never be fooled that the talkative wife is speaking her mind and the silent husband has no stock in what is being said. It works the other way around as well.

Muckraker is shocked some people still believe ‘Maesaiah is just a blabbermouth who has bolted out of the State House and is harassing government officials. Nothing can be further from the truth.
Such ilk desperately needs Pentecostal prayers: loud, long, tearful and sometimes violent. There is nothing ‘Maesaiah says without first rehearsing it with Uncle Tom.
‘Maesaiah: “Oh babie, today the Lexus hit a pothole along Mpilo and I sprained by back. Massage please!”
Uncle Tom: “The laziness in the transport ministry is unacceptable. Babie, I am so close to firing one of them. Just watch me sweetie”.
And so the die is cast. ‘Maesaiah has a hint on who to spank next. Soon she will unleash her whip on bare backs.

She doesn’t have to get explicit instructions to say some things because she already knows exactly what Uncle Tom thinks. And Uncle Tom says it because he knows the wife will repeat it. One day she is merely echoing what her hubby says during pillow talk and the next she is saying what he has told her to say.
So when ‘Maesaiah says you are an indolent bastard know that is precisely what Uncle Tom thinks of you. Uncle Tom’s home is not like Sekatle’s home. At Uncle Tom’s home everyone is ABC. At Sekatle’s house the husband is ABC and the wife is DC or pretends to be DC.

If you think Uncle Tom is not the brains behind Maesaiah’s words you need to be rescued from the Republic of Ignorance.
‘Maesaiah derives her power from Uncle Tom. It’s amazing that women are leading the brigade condemning ‘Maesaiah for dabbling in state matters and chastising civil servants and ministers.
Nyoe, nyoe, nyoe the woman is becoming too big for her shoes. Nyoe, she has no respect for government protocol. Nyoe, nyoe, nyoe she is undermining the Prime Minister.
Cut the crap, you hypocrites of the fairer sex. ‘Maesaiah is not saying anything particularly shocking. Most women have probably privately said vulgar things about civil servants and ministers.
If their spouses had the same power as Uncle Tom they would probably spank ministers with barbed wire and wring their ears. What stops them from speaking out loud is that their husband’s power does not go beyond the lekhoakhoa in their yard.
It’s not ‘Maesaiah’s fault that the reach of your husband’s influence is as short as the cord of an electric jug. Uncle Tom’s power is national while your husband’s is restricted to the four corners of your house. Blame it on your husband’s lack of ambition. Don’t hate the player or the game: just make your own game.

Men’s anger at ‘Maesaiah is also baffling because it is not based on any fundamental issue but just a hollow demand that ‘Maesaiah should respect them because they are men.
Well, whether you are a man or not depends on the stick between your legs. That’s anatomy in whose design you had no input.
The respect you get depends on your influence, power and authority. People respect what you have become and not what you were born as.
Uncle Tom is prime minister so his wife sometimes borrows his powers to speak her mind on certain things. It’s not ‘Maesaiah’s problem some husbands have no power to lend to their sweethearts.

Wives of headmasters are flexing their muscle in rural schools. The chief’s wife thinks villagers should treat her like a chief. The pastor’s wife is a shallow idiot high on stolen tithes but you tolerate her because of her husband’s power.
The last time Muckraker checked you were trying to ingratiate yourself with your boss’ wife. Live with it or marry someone higher up the echelons. Power is actually sexually transmitted. (Where do you think nyatsis get the arrogance they exude when confronted by the wife married with cows?)

We deny it because it hurts. We refuse to accept it because it reminds us that we have no power to transmit or take from our spouses.

Let’s bin that narrow narrative that seeks to portray ‘Maesaiah as a loose cannon. It’s unhelpful. We are only hurting ourselves with such petty lies.
Muckraker has no doubt that Uncle Tom is using ‘Maesaiah as his paw to scratch comrades he thinks are not pulling their weight. Using his wife removes the familiarity he has with most of the people in government.

With his wife leading the attack the comrades cannot claim that Uncle Tom has turned on them.
They cannot say their boss has forgotten that they were in the trenches together.

Those who have been spanked by ‘Maesaiah are fools to think that Uncle Tom had nothing to do with the walloping. Uncle Tom is happy when you see him as a victim because it means you don’t blame him for the mess in government. You direct your anger at ‘Maesaiah, a person who is not in government and might never be on the ballot.

The people you should be blaming are the ministers and the government officials. Nope, Muckraker lies. Uncle Tom should take the blame for allowing indolent rascals to run ministries.
He is the one who appointed the lazybones that now pervade the government corridors. It’s weird that Uncle Tom is now setting his sweetheart on the people he can simply fire.

It’s appalling that not many have seen through this ruse. Blame it on groupthink, a toxic game played by charlatans who think there is more substance in opinion than thought.
No wonder Uncle Tom says he wants to complete a decade in power. By 2027 he will be nearly 90. Most ninety-year-olds Muckraker knows are either in diapers or have lost their sight or are playing morabaraba with their ancestors.

None is capable of leading even a flock of sheep. Let’s remember that before we start ululating for mischievous ideas.

Nka! Ichuuuuuuuuuuu!


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