The looting queue

The looting queue

HERE is a true story. Scientists in a certain corner of the world were curious about what makes some countries special. So they found islands in the middle of an ocean and allocated each to 20 people from one country.
After six months the scientists visited each island for results. The findings were mindboggling.

The island that was home to South Africans was chocking with rubbish. Its people had spent months protesting and emptying bins in the streets.
They called that madness “freedom”. Their qualm: the government was not building them houses and the council was not collecting bins.

During their recess from the protests they accused each other of being foreigners. The dark-skinned ones were accused of being from another island in the north. Hashtag makwerekweremustfall was trending.
At the Zimbabwean island they found a dictator beating and killing people. When he was not maiming he was stealing from his 20 relatives. Everyone was making a boat to flee the shit-hole. The president was accusing everyone of being a member of the opposition party.

As the people squirmed in poverty the leader was swimming in stolen money while telling them to be patient and resilient.
At the Nigerian island they were starving after one chap stole the whole granary. He claimed to have bought the whole island and was forcing his relatives to pay him rent.

When the people complained he handed them passports with instructions to find their own corners to steal from.
“Oga, this country is my corners and I steal as much as I can steal. Find your own corners. Nax!” he told them.

At the Malawian island everyone was a sangoma because everyone accused everyone of witchcraft.
At the Lesotho island the scientists found 30 political parties for 20 people. Twelve governments had collapsed in six months and the people were arguing over how to form the next one.
The previous one had fallen after being captured by the prime minister’s wife.

The richest man was a Chinese who had bought both his citizenship and the political leaders. There were no schools or hospitals because the twenty people were arguing over the shape and size of the buildings.
Others wanted to give the construction tenders to the Chinese man.
Offended? Your exaggerated patriotism is noted but you can parade it somewhere else.

Take deep breaths and drink some water.
There are other noxious things to piss you off.
We are here to laugh about life and its follies. The rest of its troubles are your business to mind. It’s not Muckraker’s problem that you have the sense of humour of a stone.

Still, that doesn’t mean the scientific findings from those islands are outrageously off the mark. If anything, they aptly tell the story of each country.
While the one about Malawi is just banter the rest are stubborn facts stated jocularly.

Anyone who denies that Basotho are quarrelsome has a brain the size of the punctuation mark at the end of this sentence.
As Muckraker writes this a bunch of too clever by half people are screaming about Nacosec being illegal. While some of the arguments sound genuine the majority are just an attempt by some law graduates to flex their underutilised legal minds.

None of those arguments matter in the broader scheme of things. No one will die because Nacosec bought masks.
But thousands will die if Nacosec doesn’t buy masks.
In any case, these screams sound a tad hypocritical. You have probably attended a party hosted by a well-known thief of government money. How about a funeral or wedding?

If you asked whether the food and drinks you were swallowing are not proceeds of corruption then you are a married virgin.
Every year we are told how the government has lost billions of maloti through rigged tenders and brazen thievery. The culprits are still perambulating the streets while flaunting their contraband. We still call some of them Mohlompehi, as if to celebrate their long fingers.

So spare us these pathetic screams about accountability. Instead of screaming about those who looted at the Command Centre of Feasting you are using legal jargon to spank an institution that is yet to buy a single mask.
And who said legal entities are immune to corruption and pickpocketing. The government, the most legal institution you can imagine, has been looted hand over fist.

Government companies established by laws have been robbed to their knees.
Here we have the highest concentration of pathological thieves. They even steal land and houses.

If they break into your house and find nothing valuable to nick they take the fatuku and bolt out. The idea is to satisfy their addiction to thievery. So let there be no mistake: Covid-19 money will be stolen with or without Nacosec.
Whether its legal or illegal there will always be some pinching from Nacosec.
All this is to say we are chasing a notorious rat while the house burns.

Nka! Ichuuuuuuuuuuu!

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