The sleeping pen

The sleeping pen

Anyone with some modicum of exposure will tell you that Maseru is a numbingly boring city.
Alcohol and nyafulisation are what constitute fun. There is not much pleasure in sitting on a torn camp chair under a tree while listening to some loud House music, if at all it is music.

Muckraker has tried it before and has confirmed it’s not stimulating to form a crowd under a tree and watch drunken bearded men peeing. It’s unhygienic.
So in this Covid-19 lockdown Muckraker’s reliable source of fun is the parliament. She takes a vantage seat in the public gallery and watches the spectacle unfolding. There are MPs who have no intelligence to contribute to the debates.

They just sit there looking like zombies. Like rabbits dazzled by lights. All they do is yawn, sleep and wait for the lunch break. After lunch the papa and fariki just drags them to the dreamland.
You cannot blame them because they just don’t understand what is going on around them. They cannot utter a word about state matters because they don’t know a clause from a section.

They have no business saying a word about the budget because they cannot even do a budget their own salaries. They cannot speak about education because school gave them nightmares.
Nothing about science for they cannot tell a syringe from a needle. All they know about international affairs is per diems.

You many ask why Muckraker finds funny about such a sad sight. Well, the joke is on the voters who elect such ilk. That such ignoramuses are in parliament is a reflection of our unmatched tolerance for mediocrity.
Nyoe, nyoe, nyoe, we are educated. Holy crap! An educated nation doesn’t load the parliament with dunderheads.
The joke is on those who claim to be educated but are represented by empty heads like some characters we have in parliament.

If you bide your time in parliament you will be rewarded with some raucously hilarious stuff that will leave you in stitches for the days.
You attend parliament on Monday and laugh all the way to the next Monday. Recently there was Mathaba who was mumbling what he thought was some rare wisdom.

His contribution was that the government should insist that foreign investors should have at least US$2 million to set up businesses in Lesotho. His point was that the M2 million set by the government for foreigners who want to start businesses here was too little.
Without any justification Mathaba had decided that US$2 million was a fair amount. No reason or logic. Just his mind instructing his mouth to waffle something. He looked pleased with himself.

Muckraker wondered if the man has ever seen or touched M2 million in his life. You know the friend who owns a sekorokoro but refuses to shut up about top of the range cars.
The chap who knows everyone with money in Lesotho but has perforated pockets and a bank account forever in minus.
Such is the kind of Mathaba. They talk big because it makes them sound sophisticated. But beyond the façade is zilch.

Mathaba wants foreign investors to have a minimum of US$2 million simply because they are called “foreign investors”.
He has a warped view that foreign investors have money to throw around. He had no business or logical justification for that amount apart from that it’s his mind compelling him to say such.

No statistics or survey. Just a figure he pulled from his head. The question to be asked is whether Mathaba has ever earned the United States dollar in his life.
Does he even know what the exchange rate is?
Muckraker suspects the only United States dollar he has ever held were the few thousands he received as per diems.

This was an MP who clearly doesn’t know that the world has changed. There is no army of foreign investors clamouring to pour their money into Lesotho.
We don’t have a convoy of foreign investors begging to set up shop here. But, of course, you cannot expect such simple facts to bother our MPs.

The most hilarious scene in parliament last week was delivered by Finance Minister Sofonea who announced, with a straight face, that the government’s financial system had been hacked.

Yeah you heard that right. A whole government system was hacked. Ideally this should be sad news but that this is happening to a government that is itching to control social media makes is comical.
A government that cannot even install Antivirus on its computer system wants to control what two million people post on WhatsApp, Instagram, Facebook, Twitter and YouTube.
You have to marvel at such misdirected ambition.

Sofonea was clearly shocked by the attack because he understood what it meant. Muckraker however doubts that other MPs appreciate the gravity of the matter. There is no doubt that some were wondering what hacking is.
Others might have asked why the government doesn’t also attack the hackers with molamu.
Had the minister continued talking an MP would have brought a motion to shoot to kill those hackers on sight.

But perhaps the funniest bit was the minister’s revelation that the police were investigating the attack. Someone must have told him that hackers are not cattle thieves to catch and torture at Pitso Ground police station.

Nka! Ichuuuuuuuuuuu!

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