When ’Maesaiah met litšitšili

When ’Maesaiah met litšitšili

THE joke of the week comes from the High Court where a lawyer said ’Maesaiah Thabane “cannot harm even a fly”.
Hear, hear and hear!
Muckraker has no qualms with a lawyer concocting legal gibberish to help his client.

They do it all the time.
What she will not tolerate is a lawyer denying the obvious.
In this case there is no doubt that ’Maesaiah is capable of killing flies.
It cannot be true that a woman who grew up in the rural areas cannot hurt a fly.

The fact is that ’Maesaiah has killed more flies than she can remember.
She killed them with a fatuku and sometimes she squashed them with bare hands.
Sometimes she used a lifielo.
Then when she came to Maseru she exterminated them with Doom.
No Mosotho woman can say she has never killed a fly.

If ’Maesaiah has never killed a fly then Thomas Thabane is not the former Prime Minister of Lesotho, Dr Moeketsi Majoro is still Finance Minister, Thabo Thakalekoala has been appointed Communications Minister and Thuso Litjobo teaches English at Lesotho High School.
The point is that ’Maesaiah has killed so many flies that their living relatives run for their dear lives when they see her. That is what women do in the kitchen.

They cook and kill flies. How can ’Maesaiah, a woman who used to eat offals (Likahare) for Christmas be said to be incapable of killing flies?
To say she has never killed a fly is to peddle the pathetic lie that ’Maesaiah was once in the business of dancing with the flies. When a fly strayed into her pot of Khemere she would pick it and gently suck it before letting it fly away.

“Fly away my darling,” she would say to the fly as it gratefully took off from her palm. Phew!
The lawyer is telling us that ’Maesaiah would allow flies to stray into Uncle Tom’s food. Heele! The truth is that ’Maesaiah is a killer of flies.
That is a notorious fact known to flies in Mokhotlong, Moshoeshoe II,

Ficksburg as well as the old and the new State Houses.
She has murdered more than just flies. Calm down, dear reader, for Muckraker is talking about the germs she killed with Domestos. She has massacred cockroaches with Otapia.
She has been killing bed bugs (litšitšili) since she arrived at remand prison two weeks ago. Impeccable sources at the Lesotho Correctional Services (LCS) told Muckraker that the number of bed bugs at the prison has halved since she arrived at the prison.

She is assassinating them with her manicured fingers.
There is no way ’Maesaiah can allow litšitšili to munch her yellow bones.
You can be sure that she has been busy because the bed bugs jumped on her as soon as she entered the cell. And who can blame those menacing insects?
They wanted fresh, sweet blood. It’s not every day that they get to dine on steak from the State House.

“Mmmmmm so this is what the blood of someone who travelled to America tastes like,” said one bed bug after digging into ’Maesaiah.
“Yes I told you it tastes better when mixed with per diems,” said another.
“No, it’s the First Class travel that makes it so tasty,” said one.
“Nonsense, I can still taste a bit of Mokhotlong in this blood,” said one that is known for being picky.

And so the debate continued into the night as the bugs feasted on the yellow bone.
But in the morning they regretted their shindig because ’Maesaiah was mercilessly crushing them.
“You are the one who was stinging me last night,” she said as she crushed one between her fingers.

“I am not your mother,” she bellowed as she hit one with an elbow.
There was pandemonium among the bugs.
One of the senior bugs wondered why ’Maesaiah was so furious as if she was the only inmate they had bitten.
“But why is this yellow bone so angry when it’s clear that she will get bail soon?” asked the shell shocked bug.

“Ah, I don’t think she is leaving anytime soon. Remember she is accused of killing someone on the outside,” said another bug.
“Oh my God, we should have known that we were dealing with a different breed. Now look how she is killing us like flies,” said another.
Muckraker is laughing all the way to next Monday. Not at ’Maesaiah but the bugs for meeting their match. It suits them right.

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