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Muckraker

Goodbye MCCD

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MCCD, the man from Tsoelike, is retiring from politics after 29 years. Muckraker wishes him well as he takes care of his camels that had missed him.

In all fairness, Size Two was not a terrible prime minister.

Especially when compared to the silly jokes that came after him.

The other one ruled from behind a petticoat while the other didn’t rule at all.

The one from Makhoakhoeng just fumbled through his tenure until he was pushed out. His claim to fame as prime minister was to harass wool and mohair farmers and to sing “ha re na matla”.

Oh, and don’t forget that hideous pink suit that the Feselady threw over him.

That Thetsane one of the fake American accent didn’t even try to rule.

He spent most of his time ducking rocks thrown by his own party instead of managing the government’s affairs.

They all made MCCD look like a saint.

But MCCD must stop this business of trying to put lipstick on a frog.

He should just say I came, I saw and I tried.

Not this nonsense he was spewing in his farewell speech in parliament on Tuesday. Like a man reading his eulogy, MCCD said he sleeps well at night because he never stole from the government.

He said he can be investigated until Mohokare River followed back to Butha-Buthe but he will found to be clean.

He might be right and it’s his right to blow his horn.

But that camel man is confusing a camel hump for a mountain.

The point is not that he was not corrupt.

He was a director of a den of thieves.

While he was busy ruling his people were stuffing their pockets with government funds.

They almost stole the soles of his shoes.

This is the man whose State House was buying a litre of juice for M100 and a litre of milk for M120.

All bought from Shoprite. Nothing special. Just lebese kapa topela. Kholu!

He can say he didn’t know what was happening but he drank it anyway.

And he will probably live a little longer because of those expensive liquids.

Whether he was corrupt or not is not the issue.

He ate things corruptly bought.

And if MCCD insists on claiming that he hates corruption Muckraker would ask him to name one minister he fired for corruption.

Just oanenyana.

Muckraker is offering a holiday to anyone who can find a speech in which MCCD condemned any minister for corruption. Again, just oanenyana.

Muckraker remembers his baritone, Sesotho idioms and occasional insults.

Timer le le thibane.

Muckraker recalls when he taught people at one rally how to deal with those who say his government had not done anything to improve their lives.

He said they should drag them by the seam of their blankets to a tarred and ask if the road is their mother.

MCCD, MCCD, MCCD. Why?

He might not have stolen but he was the uncle who watched while the nieces and nephews finished the family’s chickens and eggs.

Some took cows while others pretended to buy Mercedes Benz for the price of a shoe. He didn’t get any but he was at the gate while they drove off.

He even saluted and waved at them.

All the same, Muckraker sincerely believes that the clown that came after him was worse.

That one was just empty talk. Nyoe, nyoe, nyoe hunger is the enemy of the people while they fed a Chinese man with Basotho’s wool and mohair.

Harassing our small local butcheries to benefit one Chinese chap.

How do you say Meraka in Chinese?

If there is heaven, none of those people who abused our wool and mohair farmers will enter it. They might not even be fit for hell.

Muckraker will not say anything about this one who says shibilishibilishili in American accent. We only remember him for saying Basotho ba h’eso when he was announcing Covid19 measures in the colour of a traffic light. This week red, next week green.

All to give the impression that he was announcing something original when he was copying the nonsense from that one who used to start every Covid speech with “My fellow South Africans”.
Suffice it to say all of them have nothing on MCCD.

Goodbye Size Two. When Muckraker looks at what came after you she feels like grabbing you by the ears and kissing you. We were wrong to think you were the worst.

Look at the ‘things’ that you left us with and what is yet to come.

Nka! Ichuuuuuuuuuuu!

muckraker.post@gmail.com

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Muckraker

Let them take korobela

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Nqosa Mahao has pulled a fast one on his opposition comrades to join Uncle Sam’s government. Muckraker suspected the bromance among the opposition leaders would end in tears but never expected Mahao to do the betraying. The lesson is that there is no honour among politicians and everyone has a price. The BAP’s price is two cabinet seats and some morsels to be flung its way here and there.
The opposition is furious at Mahao for stringing them along for three weeks while Uncle Sam whispered sweet little things in his ears.

They say Mahao attended their nocturnal meetings to plot Uncle Sam’s demise but was busy with a plan to get himself a mok’huk’hu in the government.
Their screams of anger are hypocritical. They too would have been charmed for the right price. Mahao just happened to have yielded earlier than them. None of them can claim that they were not approached by the RFP or its dealmakers.

No one could claim that they refused the RFP’s marriage proposal because they differed on ideology and principle. The only sticking issue was what was offered and what they thought their support was worthy. So let’s bin the hypocrisy and confirm that some of them overreached and overestimated their value by holding out for more spoils. It’s not their business if Mahao sold himself too cheap.

He was smart enough to understand that the market of political support was already flooded. That is being pragmatic.
In the end, it was a simple matter of demand and supply. Uncle Sam played the game well by lodging a scarecrow of a court case to delay the vote of no confidence to buy himself time. That blindsided the opposition leaders and allowed Uncle Sam to counterattack.

So while Lehata was laughing like a hyena in parliament and the opposition congregated at the BNP Centre for drinks Uncle Sam was cooking some delicious dish across town. It was only a matter of time before the aroma reached the politicians’ noses.

So while they were claiming to be united most of them were busy receiving calls to hear what was on the menu. It was a buffet of embassies and cabinet seats. The desserts were deputy minister positions and some small jobs for hungry supporters. The only problem with some of the opposition leaders was that they wanted to eat the whole buffet, including Uncle Sam’s portion.

Meanwhile, Uncle Sam was busy gauging what was enough to satiate the hungriest among the opposition leaders. In the end, he knew he didn’t have to part with much to get the deal and the numbers he wanted. Some politicians are saying Mahao could have asked for more because Uncle Sam was desperate and cornered. Not true!

Your tomatoes do not cost more simply because you worked hard to produce them or you think they are special. It’s the market that decides.
To get more for them you should get the timing right. The same applies to political support. Uncle Sam knew the market of political support would be oversupplied if he waited a few days before buying.

By the time he came to the market the available political support was about to rot and everyone was willing to sell at a huge discount. This is common sense but some opposition leaders want to pretend Mahao ambushed them by selling fast.

Muckraker suggests that next time they plot against Uncle Sam, the opposition leaders should visit a sangoma to give them all a huge dose of korobela so that none is tempted to find another lover. The best love portion comes from the North of us. Mwa, mwa, mwa!

Nka! Ichuuuuuuuuuuuu

muckracker.post@gmail.com

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Muckraker

How to share a stolen goat

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Those who think Uncle Sam is now safe from the barbarians at the gates are naïve. Mahao’s defection is a temporary setback from which the opposition leaders are plotting to recover.
They are coming because Uncle Sam is holding something they cannot live without: power.
And they will not rest until they get it. Those who believe this fight is based on principle and ideology are unmitigated dimwits. Their claim that Uncle Sam’s government has failed is just a cover to justify their plot. They know they would not do a better job.

Everyone knows that because they have seen their epic bungling when they had a chance to rule.
The notoriety of their thievery, corruption, deliberate mismanagement and nepotism precedes them. They say Uncle Sam has failed to implement his party’s campaign promises but forget that some of them failed several times. If this was about ideology and principle it would reflect in the negotiations for coalitions. In countries where politicians still have morsels of self-respect and specks of shame, such negotiations would be dominated by ideological and policy considerations.

Political parties try to find some common ground on fundamental issues like the economy, education, climate change, trade and foreign policy.
Our rascals here talk about ministerial and diplomatic positions as if they are sharing a stolen goat; I want the head, give me likahare.

My ancestors said I should always eat the testicles. Give me the liver, I don’t have teeth. The heart is my favourite. In a way, our government is like a stolen goat being shared by thieves. Ba ja maleo.

It’s a fat goat stolen from Basotho. The politicians will eat it and not leave even the skin for Basotho to make a mat to lay on when hungry. The thieves are eating while the people watch.

Yet we people never tire to give the politicians the permission to rob and pee on them.
It’s tempting to say we deserve it but no one, not even the Devil, deserves the politicians we have in this country. Some say there is hell somewhere. Muckraker says we are already in a hell of some sort created by our politicians. We are being roasted slowly by politicians and they will never stop.

Does that make you feel depressed and hopeless? Well, you are not alone. There are worse places on this earth. Does that mean we should accept tosh because there is worse tosh in other places?
Well, it’s your choice.

Muckraker wishes you a wet weekend. Let’s hope Uncle Sam throws us a party to celebrate his great escape. You marched for him, didn’t you?
A beer is what you deserve for sweating from Maseru Mall to parliament.

Nka! Ichuuuuuuuuuuuu

muckracker.post@gmail.com

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Muckraker

Give Lehata a Bell’s

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Mootsi Lehata behaved like a clown in parliament last week. Laughing like he was in a shebeen. Spewing insults as if someone had stolen his goats. He even used the ‘F’ word on Lejone Mpotjoane.
“Moshanyana enoa a se ke a ntella. Se ke oa ntella sonny, f**k you,” he said in response to Mpotjoane. Muckraker doesn’t know Mpotjoane to be a moshanyana. What she knows is what Lehata did to a ngoanana a few years ago.

The girl dropped the rape case on the condition that Lehata builds her a house and pays for the child’s upkeep. So ke eena ea tellang molao. Some might say it’s water under the bridge but Muckraker doesn’t forgive. Never!

For now, we should talk about his monkeyshines in parliament. He looked high on something. Lehata can however deny it. He can say he was shaking because he had spent sleepless nights plotting to topple Uncle Sam. He can claim he was shaking with excitement at the prospect of becoming a minister again. If that doesn’t cut it he can say wasn’t drunk but just suffering from a hangover.

That might work because he could say those who say he was drunk on that Monday should have seen him on Sunday. He could claim he was still suffering the effects of knocking down several bottles taller than him.
But whatever happens, no one can prove that he was high.

Yes, a test could have revealed that he had blood in his alcohol but that is now beside the point because it didn’t happen. In any case, Muckraker has seen worse things in parliament. Remember how some MPs spanked each other a few years ago?

Chairs and bins were given wings. An MP was once captured on camera groping another.
As for insults, worse things have been said. Some of the MPs don’t need to be insulted to feel humiliated. Imagine how it feels to be an LCD MP.
You see it in their faces that they are beating themselves.

No wonder they are not even mentioned as part of the opposition. They are not in opposition, not government and not in the crossbench. They are there, somewhere there.

Muckraker would not sleep well if she ended these musings without mentioning one small thing. During the debate on Lehata’s tomfoolery, one opposition MP said the Speaker should protect MPs so that their images are not manipulated to tarnish their reputation. Yeah, right!

You must have a reputation first for it to be tarnished. Muckraker and 98.9 percent of Basotho know 99 percent of our MPs to be freeloading, greedy and power-hungry charlatans.
That is their reputation. Those who say our MPs are honest and hardworking are tarnishing that sterling reputation.

Nka! Ichuuuuuuuuuuuu

muckracker.post@gmail.com

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