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Muckraker

A drunk Ministry

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Muckraker has always had a crush on Advocate Molati. Not for his apparent handsomeness but because he has a good head over his shoulders.
Dull men are a serious turn-off. Often, they don’t know when to shut-up.
You just politely nod as they embrace themselves with shallow talk about cars and money they don’t have. To scare them off you simply have to nudge the conversation towards serious matters like politics, economics and current affairs.

Bring in some philosophy and their lights are dimmed. That’s when you realise that there is nothing substantial behind that loud mouth and excited eyes.
Advocate Molati is not that kind. He thinks differently.
Which is why he has managed to turn the discussion about the shebeen diplomats into a broader issue about other senior government officials who are alleged to have been part of the duty-free alcohol scandal.
He has set a cat among the pigeons. The cat being a letter he sent to the government on the shebeen diplomats’ behalf. The pigeons are the likes of

Local Government Minister Moramotse, former minister Mahali Phamotse, former foreign affairs PS Bohloko and the current PS Mothae.
All of whom are alleged to be involved in the scandal.
Notice that Muckraker is not including the Feselady among the pigeons because she doesn’t deserve to be described as such. She is too big to be a pigeon. She is probably an ostrich.

Yet she is also running because she is alleged to have benefited from the duty-free alcohol. The denials from the pigeons are hilarious.
Mothae said he bought alcohol worth M18 500 but it was for private consumption. Let that sink in because it is staggering.
A civil servant who earns just over M30 000 per month bought alcohol worth M18 500 for private consumption. That is enough money to pay nine factory workers used by one person to buy whisky, wine and rum. Muckraker is not saying Mothae is being disingenuous.

It could be that he was very thirsty or he was just creating a silo of liquor in preparation for his retirement.
Mothae has been quick to point out that the diplomats are trying to divert attention from their own shenanigans by dragging his name into the scandal.
He is right because the issue here is about those who were caught buying and selling duty-free alcohol. What he however doesn’t mention is that none of the diplomats caught ever declared that they were buying the liquor for business. All of them said they were buying for personal consumption.

They were only caught because the authorities knew that they were buying copious amounts of alcohol for “personal consumption” yet they always came back to the shop sober. Anyone who buys that amount of alcohol should be drunk in this life and in hell or heaven.
So Mothae is missing the point by trying to make a distinction between him and the shebeen diplomats.

What he doesn’t know is that this is no longer about what he did with the alcohol but how much he bought. The shebeen diplomats have already said they will not go down alone. They are thus spraying manure on everyone, especially their seniors.
Their tactic seems to be working because senior government officials are scurrying for cover.

The only problem for the likes of Mothae is that it is tough to prove that alcohol worth M18 500 is for personal consumption.
Even if he does prove that all that alcohol is now in his bloodstream the next question will be about profligacy.
He cannot tell us that it was just a few bottles of whisky because that would point to the fact that he bought the best and very expensive bottles.

If he says he bought common lagers then it would indicate that he bought a bakkie full of it. Which would undermine his explanation that it was for personal consumption or trigger questions about his drinking habits.
Muckraker swears that Mothae is the soberest PS in the government. He might be running a drunk ministry but he looks sober.

Nka! Ichuuuuuuuuuuu!

muckraker.post@gmail.com

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Muckraker

Let them take korobela

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Nqosa Mahao has pulled a fast one on his opposition comrades to join Uncle Sam’s government. Muckraker suspected the bromance among the opposition leaders would end in tears but never expected Mahao to do the betraying. The lesson is that there is no honour among politicians and everyone has a price. The BAP’s price is two cabinet seats and some morsels to be flung its way here and there.
The opposition is furious at Mahao for stringing them along for three weeks while Uncle Sam whispered sweet little things in his ears.

They say Mahao attended their nocturnal meetings to plot Uncle Sam’s demise but was busy with a plan to get himself a mok’huk’hu in the government.
Their screams of anger are hypocritical. They too would have been charmed for the right price. Mahao just happened to have yielded earlier than them. None of them can claim that they were not approached by the RFP or its dealmakers.

No one could claim that they refused the RFP’s marriage proposal because they differed on ideology and principle. The only sticking issue was what was offered and what they thought their support was worthy. So let’s bin the hypocrisy and confirm that some of them overreached and overestimated their value by holding out for more spoils. It’s not their business if Mahao sold himself too cheap.

He was smart enough to understand that the market of political support was already flooded. That is being pragmatic.
In the end, it was a simple matter of demand and supply. Uncle Sam played the game well by lodging a scarecrow of a court case to delay the vote of no confidence to buy himself time. That blindsided the opposition leaders and allowed Uncle Sam to counterattack.

So while Lehata was laughing like a hyena in parliament and the opposition congregated at the BNP Centre for drinks Uncle Sam was cooking some delicious dish across town. It was only a matter of time before the aroma reached the politicians’ noses.

So while they were claiming to be united most of them were busy receiving calls to hear what was on the menu. It was a buffet of embassies and cabinet seats. The desserts were deputy minister positions and some small jobs for hungry supporters. The only problem with some of the opposition leaders was that they wanted to eat the whole buffet, including Uncle Sam’s portion.

Meanwhile, Uncle Sam was busy gauging what was enough to satiate the hungriest among the opposition leaders. In the end, he knew he didn’t have to part with much to get the deal and the numbers he wanted. Some politicians are saying Mahao could have asked for more because Uncle Sam was desperate and cornered. Not true!

Your tomatoes do not cost more simply because you worked hard to produce them or you think they are special. It’s the market that decides.
To get more for them you should get the timing right. The same applies to political support. Uncle Sam knew the market of political support would be oversupplied if he waited a few days before buying.

By the time he came to the market the available political support was about to rot and everyone was willing to sell at a huge discount. This is common sense but some opposition leaders want to pretend Mahao ambushed them by selling fast.

Muckraker suggests that next time they plot against Uncle Sam, the opposition leaders should visit a sangoma to give them all a huge dose of korobela so that none is tempted to find another lover. The best love portion comes from the North of us. Mwa, mwa, mwa!

Nka! Ichuuuuuuuuuuuu

muckracker.post@gmail.com

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Muckraker

How to share a stolen goat

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Those who think Uncle Sam is now safe from the barbarians at the gates are naïve. Mahao’s defection is a temporary setback from which the opposition leaders are plotting to recover.
They are coming because Uncle Sam is holding something they cannot live without: power.
And they will not rest until they get it. Those who believe this fight is based on principle and ideology are unmitigated dimwits. Their claim that Uncle Sam’s government has failed is just a cover to justify their plot. They know they would not do a better job.

Everyone knows that because they have seen their epic bungling when they had a chance to rule.
The notoriety of their thievery, corruption, deliberate mismanagement and nepotism precedes them. They say Uncle Sam has failed to implement his party’s campaign promises but forget that some of them failed several times. If this was about ideology and principle it would reflect in the negotiations for coalitions. In countries where politicians still have morsels of self-respect and specks of shame, such negotiations would be dominated by ideological and policy considerations.

Political parties try to find some common ground on fundamental issues like the economy, education, climate change, trade and foreign policy.
Our rascals here talk about ministerial and diplomatic positions as if they are sharing a stolen goat; I want the head, give me likahare.

My ancestors said I should always eat the testicles. Give me the liver, I don’t have teeth. The heart is my favourite. In a way, our government is like a stolen goat being shared by thieves. Ba ja maleo.

It’s a fat goat stolen from Basotho. The politicians will eat it and not leave even the skin for Basotho to make a mat to lay on when hungry. The thieves are eating while the people watch.

Yet we people never tire to give the politicians the permission to rob and pee on them.
It’s tempting to say we deserve it but no one, not even the Devil, deserves the politicians we have in this country. Some say there is hell somewhere. Muckraker says we are already in a hell of some sort created by our politicians. We are being roasted slowly by politicians and they will never stop.

Does that make you feel depressed and hopeless? Well, you are not alone. There are worse places on this earth. Does that mean we should accept tosh because there is worse tosh in other places?
Well, it’s your choice.

Muckraker wishes you a wet weekend. Let’s hope Uncle Sam throws us a party to celebrate his great escape. You marched for him, didn’t you?
A beer is what you deserve for sweating from Maseru Mall to parliament.

Nka! Ichuuuuuuuuuuuu

muckracker.post@gmail.com

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Muckraker

Give Lehata a Bell’s

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Mootsi Lehata behaved like a clown in parliament last week. Laughing like he was in a shebeen. Spewing insults as if someone had stolen his goats. He even used the ‘F’ word on Lejone Mpotjoane.
“Moshanyana enoa a se ke a ntella. Se ke oa ntella sonny, f**k you,” he said in response to Mpotjoane. Muckraker doesn’t know Mpotjoane to be a moshanyana. What she knows is what Lehata did to a ngoanana a few years ago.

The girl dropped the rape case on the condition that Lehata builds her a house and pays for the child’s upkeep. So ke eena ea tellang molao. Some might say it’s water under the bridge but Muckraker doesn’t forgive. Never!

For now, we should talk about his monkeyshines in parliament. He looked high on something. Lehata can however deny it. He can say he was shaking because he had spent sleepless nights plotting to topple Uncle Sam. He can claim he was shaking with excitement at the prospect of becoming a minister again. If that doesn’t cut it he can say wasn’t drunk but just suffering from a hangover.

That might work because he could say those who say he was drunk on that Monday should have seen him on Sunday. He could claim he was still suffering the effects of knocking down several bottles taller than him.
But whatever happens, no one can prove that he was high.

Yes, a test could have revealed that he had blood in his alcohol but that is now beside the point because it didn’t happen. In any case, Muckraker has seen worse things in parliament. Remember how some MPs spanked each other a few years ago?

Chairs and bins were given wings. An MP was once captured on camera groping another.
As for insults, worse things have been said. Some of the MPs don’t need to be insulted to feel humiliated. Imagine how it feels to be an LCD MP.
You see it in their faces that they are beating themselves.

No wonder they are not even mentioned as part of the opposition. They are not in opposition, not government and not in the crossbench. They are there, somewhere there.

Muckraker would not sleep well if she ended these musings without mentioning one small thing. During the debate on Lehata’s tomfoolery, one opposition MP said the Speaker should protect MPs so that their images are not manipulated to tarnish their reputation. Yeah, right!

You must have a reputation first for it to be tarnished. Muckraker and 98.9 percent of Basotho know 99 percent of our MPs to be freeloading, greedy and power-hungry charlatans.
That is their reputation. Those who say our MPs are honest and hardworking are tarnishing that sterling reputation.

Nka! Ichuuuuuuuuuuuu

muckracker.post@gmail.com

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