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Baboons will run



Muckraker is still furious. Those who support the police’s attack on the youths have morsels of pig manure in their heads. It’s dictatorship and if you don’t see it as that then you are an enabler. Those who sympathise with the aggressor are playing in the aggressor’s team.

It therefore follows that they are part of the problem, not solution.
What happened last week is vile. Anyone who ululates for such uncouth behaviour is either high on something illegal, a moron or both.
Either way, such people are beyond redemption. They are pathetic bootlickers pretending to be woke. Personal assistants to Diabolosi.
But do not let your hearts be troubled for the tables will turn. Governments are not known for being loyal. All governments have short memories.
One day it will be them getting the short end of molamu.

Yet you can be sure that when happens the same people bellowing at the youths for having an illegal protest will be screaming about human rights and justice. But Muckraker will not laugh at them for evil is evil regardless of its victim.

Muckraker is no prophet or political fundi but she will tell you, without an iota of doubt, that the protest last week is just a precursor of more to come.
Gone are the days when the youths will be content with crumbs from the high table.
The youths are hungry and angry. No amount of heavy handedness will cow them.

Henceforth, there will be pandemonium in Lesotho. The lying politicians will have to account for their actions. This is not a threat but a solemn promise.
The youths have seen through the charade and are now pulling the middle finger on politicians.

Those who blame the youths don’t know the pain of going to bed on empty bellies.
They don’t appreciate the plight of the youths who are qualified but have never earned a salary in their lives. That is why they concoct the terrible falsehoods that the struggling youths are indolent cry-babies. You hear it in bars and see it on social media. They say it in their political speeches.

They say the youth must create their own jobs, as if they themselves have created even a fatofato job.
Phew! The people who utter such bunkum have never started a business in their life. These are career politicians without even a goat but lecturing the youths about starting businesses. Start business with what? Saliva and semen?

Those who dare to start soon find that the biggest threat to their enterprises is government policies. When you try to grow cabbages, the government takes years to approve your application to drill a borehole. Meanwhile, they will be allowing trucks of cabbages to cross into Lesotho. Sometimes its tempting to think some government officials are on the payroll of some vegetable farmers across the border.

Nyoe, nyoe, nyoe Basotho youths have no capacity. Capacity is built not peed.
Nyoe, nyoe, nyoe Basotho youths are lazy. Lazy is your grandmother. You have the nerve to call them lazy but have never given them a job. How the hell did you come to that unscientific conclusion? From what nook of your shallow mind did you extract such gobbledygook?

If the youths try tenders the government will sit on their payments until their business is kaput. Blah, blah, blah, the youths must be innovative. Nonsense! The real innovation we need is a machine that makes a politician lose a bit of their voice every time they tell a lie. That won’t work either. We need a machine that cuts a little bit of their lions every time they tell a lie.
This “create your own job mantra” is the government’s ruse to duck responsibility.

No one is saying the government should create jobs. Never! Its failure in that endeavour is legendary. We know it cannot and will never start a viable company. Everything it touches ends up dead. In this country even governments are a danger to themselves. They commit suicide. Uncle Tom’s government hung itself on a tree called Feselady. It’s as dead as a Dodo. Its leader is now the subject of a village chief in Makhoakhoeng. From a prime minister to asking for lengolo la Morena.

Size Two’s government drank a poison called Fleet tender and kicked the bucket. So bad was that government that even the ancestors have evicted it. Its leader is now a commoner in Roma while his camels fight over grass with donkeys, goats and cows in Qacha’s Nek. So no one in their right senses would demand that the government starts companies and create jobs.

What the youths are demanding is that the government stops placing banana peels on the private sector’s path to growth. Stop the corruption and remove the red tape. Help the private sector get the much needed credit.
Stop handing contracts to the same old companies. Protect small businesses from cheap imports. Don’t give the few government jobs even to the goats and pigs from your village.

These are not outrageous demands but you can be sure they will not be met for someone somewhere has vested interests. But make no mistake about it: There will come a time when things will be so bad that even those who think are comfortable will be running for the mountains.
The baboons will run. There will be gnashing of teeth. Those without teeth will be given. Tik-tok-tik-tok-tik-tok-tik-tok. As a parting shot Muckraker leaves you with a quiz.

Name the politicians who helped pass the law that compels people to seek permission to protest but are now in the opposition?
For clues look at the beards of a goat and remember a political party that is so finished that its supporters cannot fill a wheelbarrow.
Have a wet weekend.

Nka! Ichuuuuuuuuuuu!

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Let them take korobela



Nqosa Mahao has pulled a fast one on his opposition comrades to join Uncle Sam’s government. Muckraker suspected the bromance among the opposition leaders would end in tears but never expected Mahao to do the betraying. The lesson is that there is no honour among politicians and everyone has a price. The BAP’s price is two cabinet seats and some morsels to be flung its way here and there.
The opposition is furious at Mahao for stringing them along for three weeks while Uncle Sam whispered sweet little things in his ears.

They say Mahao attended their nocturnal meetings to plot Uncle Sam’s demise but was busy with a plan to get himself a mok’huk’hu in the government.
Their screams of anger are hypocritical. They too would have been charmed for the right price. Mahao just happened to have yielded earlier than them. None of them can claim that they were not approached by the RFP or its dealmakers.

No one could claim that they refused the RFP’s marriage proposal because they differed on ideology and principle. The only sticking issue was what was offered and what they thought their support was worthy. So let’s bin the hypocrisy and confirm that some of them overreached and overestimated their value by holding out for more spoils. It’s not their business if Mahao sold himself too cheap.

He was smart enough to understand that the market of political support was already flooded. That is being pragmatic.
In the end, it was a simple matter of demand and supply. Uncle Sam played the game well by lodging a scarecrow of a court case to delay the vote of no confidence to buy himself time. That blindsided the opposition leaders and allowed Uncle Sam to counterattack.

So while Lehata was laughing like a hyena in parliament and the opposition congregated at the BNP Centre for drinks Uncle Sam was cooking some delicious dish across town. It was only a matter of time before the aroma reached the politicians’ noses.

So while they were claiming to be united most of them were busy receiving calls to hear what was on the menu. It was a buffet of embassies and cabinet seats. The desserts were deputy minister positions and some small jobs for hungry supporters. The only problem with some of the opposition leaders was that they wanted to eat the whole buffet, including Uncle Sam’s portion.

Meanwhile, Uncle Sam was busy gauging what was enough to satiate the hungriest among the opposition leaders. In the end, he knew he didn’t have to part with much to get the deal and the numbers he wanted. Some politicians are saying Mahao could have asked for more because Uncle Sam was desperate and cornered. Not true!

Your tomatoes do not cost more simply because you worked hard to produce them or you think they are special. It’s the market that decides.
To get more for them you should get the timing right. The same applies to political support. Uncle Sam knew the market of political support would be oversupplied if he waited a few days before buying.

By the time he came to the market the available political support was about to rot and everyone was willing to sell at a huge discount. This is common sense but some opposition leaders want to pretend Mahao ambushed them by selling fast.

Muckraker suggests that next time they plot against Uncle Sam, the opposition leaders should visit a sangoma to give them all a huge dose of korobela so that none is tempted to find another lover. The best love portion comes from the North of us. Mwa, mwa, mwa!

Nka! Ichuuuuuuuuuuuu

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How to share a stolen goat



Those who think Uncle Sam is now safe from the barbarians at the gates are naïve. Mahao’s defection is a temporary setback from which the opposition leaders are plotting to recover.
They are coming because Uncle Sam is holding something they cannot live without: power.
And they will not rest until they get it. Those who believe this fight is based on principle and ideology are unmitigated dimwits. Their claim that Uncle Sam’s government has failed is just a cover to justify their plot. They know they would not do a better job.

Everyone knows that because they have seen their epic bungling when they had a chance to rule.
The notoriety of their thievery, corruption, deliberate mismanagement and nepotism precedes them. They say Uncle Sam has failed to implement his party’s campaign promises but forget that some of them failed several times. If this was about ideology and principle it would reflect in the negotiations for coalitions. In countries where politicians still have morsels of self-respect and specks of shame, such negotiations would be dominated by ideological and policy considerations.

Political parties try to find some common ground on fundamental issues like the economy, education, climate change, trade and foreign policy.
Our rascals here talk about ministerial and diplomatic positions as if they are sharing a stolen goat; I want the head, give me likahare.

My ancestors said I should always eat the testicles. Give me the liver, I don’t have teeth. The heart is my favourite. In a way, our government is like a stolen goat being shared by thieves. Ba ja maleo.

It’s a fat goat stolen from Basotho. The politicians will eat it and not leave even the skin for Basotho to make a mat to lay on when hungry. The thieves are eating while the people watch.

Yet we people never tire to give the politicians the permission to rob and pee on them.
It’s tempting to say we deserve it but no one, not even the Devil, deserves the politicians we have in this country. Some say there is hell somewhere. Muckraker says we are already in a hell of some sort created by our politicians. We are being roasted slowly by politicians and they will never stop.

Does that make you feel depressed and hopeless? Well, you are not alone. There are worse places on this earth. Does that mean we should accept tosh because there is worse tosh in other places?
Well, it’s your choice.

Muckraker wishes you a wet weekend. Let’s hope Uncle Sam throws us a party to celebrate his great escape. You marched for him, didn’t you?
A beer is what you deserve for sweating from Maseru Mall to parliament.

Nka! Ichuuuuuuuuuuuu

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Give Lehata a Bell’s



Mootsi Lehata behaved like a clown in parliament last week. Laughing like he was in a shebeen. Spewing insults as if someone had stolen his goats. He even used the ‘F’ word on Lejone Mpotjoane.
“Moshanyana enoa a se ke a ntella. Se ke oa ntella sonny, f**k you,” he said in response to Mpotjoane. Muckraker doesn’t know Mpotjoane to be a moshanyana. What she knows is what Lehata did to a ngoanana a few years ago.

The girl dropped the rape case on the condition that Lehata builds her a house and pays for the child’s upkeep. So ke eena ea tellang molao. Some might say it’s water under the bridge but Muckraker doesn’t forgive. Never!

For now, we should talk about his monkeyshines in parliament. He looked high on something. Lehata can however deny it. He can say he was shaking because he had spent sleepless nights plotting to topple Uncle Sam. He can claim he was shaking with excitement at the prospect of becoming a minister again. If that doesn’t cut it he can say wasn’t drunk but just suffering from a hangover.

That might work because he could say those who say he was drunk on that Monday should have seen him on Sunday. He could claim he was still suffering the effects of knocking down several bottles taller than him.
But whatever happens, no one can prove that he was high.

Yes, a test could have revealed that he had blood in his alcohol but that is now beside the point because it didn’t happen. In any case, Muckraker has seen worse things in parliament. Remember how some MPs spanked each other a few years ago?

Chairs and bins were given wings. An MP was once captured on camera groping another.
As for insults, worse things have been said. Some of the MPs don’t need to be insulted to feel humiliated. Imagine how it feels to be an LCD MP.
You see it in their faces that they are beating themselves.

No wonder they are not even mentioned as part of the opposition. They are not in opposition, not government and not in the crossbench. They are there, somewhere there.

Muckraker would not sleep well if she ended these musings without mentioning one small thing. During the debate on Lehata’s tomfoolery, one opposition MP said the Speaker should protect MPs so that their images are not manipulated to tarnish their reputation. Yeah, right!

You must have a reputation first for it to be tarnished. Muckraker and 98.9 percent of Basotho know 99 percent of our MPs to be freeloading, greedy and power-hungry charlatans.
That is their reputation. Those who say our MPs are honest and hardworking are tarnishing that sterling reputation.

Nka! Ichuuuuuuuuuuuu

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