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HOORAY! Jeremane Ramathebane, leader of the Basotho Batho Democratic Party (BBDP), a silly excuse of a party, has finally found his voice in the Senate.

Perhaps tired of snoring during Senate sessions, Ramathebane decided it was time to say a few words. What had irked him was the Audit Bill 2016 which he said was side-lining “uneducated” party supporters.

He wanted illiterate party supporters to be considered for the Auditor General’s position.

“It is unfair for party loyalists to be side-lined in favour of the educated ones when the time to hire people comes,” he said.

“I would give this job of Auditor General to the ones who follow the party and not the educated ones”.

Those words should have shocked even the mouth that uttered them.

But this is Ramathebane’s mouth were are talking about and nothing shocks it because it is well covered by a big beard.

Ramathebane should think about hiring a barber for his beard before talking about the appointment of an Auditor General.

The man should just cut that beard before it drives him nuts.

And it doesn’t matter what he will use to cut it because the idea is to just trim it down before it contaminates his brain. He might as well use a knife.

And since he has no respect for qualifications Muckraker would like to suggest a welder to sort out his beard.

Or better still, he can hire one of his 10 party supporters to remind him to cut his beard. That is the real ‘Auditor General’ he needs.

 

My oh my! Trade Minister Joshua Setipa sure knows how to sabotage a roaring party. After a year of keeping his mouth firmly shut Setipa has created a firestorm out of nothing.

We now know that while his mouth was zipped Setipa’s mind was cooking up a nasty plan to take us back to the time of horses, bicycles and scotch carts.

He wants to ban Basotho from importing second-hand (third-hand, fourth hand, etc) cars from Asia. His beef with hand-me-down cars from Basotho’s favourite market is that they are just ramshackle of jalopies causingcarnages on our roads.

His understanding, as he explained at a press conference last week, is that the cars are not roadworthy. Asian countries are picking “expired” vehicles from their dumpsites and flogging them to us at ridiculous prices like US$900, he opined.

The vehicles are killing Basotho, he ventured on with the same confidence Size Two had during the 2012 election before the people forced a humble pie down his throat.

Before chipping away at Josh’s already limping idea Muckraker would like to declare that she is an interested party in this business of fifth–hand sekorokoros.

Were it now for the first ricketycar some Japanese fellow threw her way for a sorry price of US$300 Muckraker would have been pounding the streets of Maseru aboard a MokhorothloF-O-O-T.

You need a mixture of desperation and sheer strength to withstand a seven-hour ride on a chicken bus to Mafube.

So anyone who interferes with her access to another dotcom hand-me-down should be spanked. There can be no doubt Muckraker is not alone on this one.

As she writes this there are people cursing the very ground on which Josh walks. And that suits him right. The man isup to some monkeyshines.

 

He is up to some elitist high-jinks. Muckraker knows that being a seasoned diplomat,Setipa will try to use technicalities to explain himself out of trouble when people start pelting him with insults.

He will say he is not banning dot-coms altogether but wants those that find their way to the Kingdom to be roadworthy. This is not an entirely mischievous argument if you dissect it slowly.

He is saying all cars imported must be certified fit for our roads. No qualms with that. In fact that is a smart idea.

The problem however starts when you unpack the reasoning behind his policy decision. He says the imported vehicles are causing accidents. And this is where Muckraker says: Hold your horses right there, Josh!

It’s an appalling argument based on speculation. Its sounds more like bar talk than anything. There is scant evidence to support the assertion that dotcom vehicles are causing accidents.

You cannot use sucha lame argument to sustain a policy decision that should be based on scientific evidence. Setipa should bring a scientific study to support it. Anything short of that is just tomfoolery.

Even if we assume that most of the accidents involve dotcoms Josh still has to prove that it’s because the cars are in bad state. Methinks dotcoms are involved in most of the accidents because they happen to dominate our roads.That’s inevitable, given that about seven in every ten cars on our roads are dotcoms (I pulled that figure out of nowhere but you get the picture).

Muckraker can afford to thumb-suck explanations because she is not suggesting a policy shift. The same cannot be said for Josh, who is a government minister whose policy suggestions are supposed to be based on facts.

It could be that the dotcoms have allowed every Khotso, Thabo and Tsepo on our road before they understand what the colours on a traffic light means.

Lesotho is the only country where people buy both the driving licence and the car. Some buy cars before they buy the licence.

Setipa should ask his colleagues to deal with the scandal of people buying licences like they are buying a mug of hopose.

His policy suggestion is a classic example of how the government tries a parcel out blame for problems it can solve. The vehicle fitness centre in Ha-Foso, on which the government spent millions, is unleashing limping cars on our roads.

Police officers whose job is to remove sekorokorosfrom  our roadsare busy stuffing their pockets with bribes.

 

There is another reason for Muckraker’s disgust at Josh’s suggestion. You see, the man is targeting the wrong things.

The real problem that needs his urgent attention is right under his nose. Josh is battling to get his PS Majakhatata Mokoena to toe the line.So far Majakhatata has refused to say: “Yes Sir”.

That’s because Majakhatata has covered his behind with a cardboard box. So every time Josh unleashes his sjambok Majakatata is laughing his head off, wondering why Boss Josh is wasting his time.

Josh’s head is now spinning as he scrambles around for new ways to sort out the slipperyMajakhatatawho is not afraid to snare when cornered.

When he fired him from the LNDC board Majakhatata laughed so hard that rats in Thaba-Tseka were startled.

He just told Josh that he was out of order and should behave himself. Not in those words but something closer to that.

Instead of mopping Majakhatata simply declared that he is still in charge, leaving Josh flabbergasted. Josh cannot speak to Majakhatata like a disappointing Grade 4 student.Majakhatata has an opinion about almost everything.You can ask him how termites mate and he will scratch his head a bit and say: “Eh, fundamentally and holistically speaking termites are …”

He keeps his American accent at hand just in case someone wants to scare him.

Muckraker suspects Josh has been hit by the American accent and has run out of tricks with which to pin down Majakhatata. That explains why he is coming up with such policies.

It could also be the reason why he wants to implement the policy at a hectic pace. He said people had until end of July to sort out their dotcom issues. That is a one-month notice to implement a policy made on the hoof.

 

It will be unfair for Muckraker to close this Josh-hates-dotcoms chapter without saying a word about some petty bourgeois columnist who thought he could appoint himself a cheerleader for Josh. He was clearly trying to curry favour with Josh, especially after calling him gutter names last year.

Perhaps after realising the idiocy of his ways the columnist wanted to score some points with Josh.

It turns out he chose the wrong argument to support. And he used the wrong logic to support an argument.  He said importing dotcomshas killed innovation in Lesotho. Muckraker can only say: Mmmmmmmmm, the columnist has been smoking funny herbs again.

You see, almost everything in this country is imported, from cabbages to condoms. The argument that banning second-hand vehicles will trigger some creative solutions is as dead as a dodo.

It’s a pedestrian solution to a complex problem. Thank God such dimwits don’t have a say in government policy.

 

Ichuuuuuuuuuuuu!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Muckraker

The market of rascals

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THE Market’s management is either high on something illegal or just reckless.
They could also be either proudly incompetent or simply daft.
Muckraker suspects they are high, reckless, incompetent and daft.
That is a heavy burden to carry but self-inflicted and deserved.

Their job is to feed tummies and quench thirsts but they believe they are capable of many jobs. In addition to cooking chickin, they fancy themselves to be detectives, expert witnesses, rape experts, psychologists, communication gurus, criminologists, prosecutors, CCTV analysts and many other things they conjure up in their small minds.
That much is lavishly clear from their crude statement reacting to a woman who alleges she was raped in their toilet last week.
Instead of just acknowledging the alleged incident, The Market was sweating to testify, analyse evidence, scrutinise footage and play judge.
They tell us the alleged victim arrived at the restaurant “heavily intoxicated” as if they had measured the alcohol content in her blood.
They say she had left an “unpaid bill” at another restaurant as if they were the Small Claims Court.
They claim CCTV footage shows the victim coming out of the toilets holding hands with her alleged attacker as if they are certain that the handholding was consensual and not one dragging the other. Make no mistake about the sinister motive behind those salacious details sprinkled all over the statement.
They were gathering wood for a pyre to burn the woman and her allegations.
Their demented reasoning is something like this: she could not have been raped because she was intoxicated, absconded her bill down the street and was holding hands with the alleged attacker. None of those things have been proven and they might be just shameless lies told by uncouth characters.
The point, accepted by everyone else except some nincompoops, is that The Market should not have mentioned anything about a bill or intoxication. They are not just trivialising her serious allegations but also calling her a drunk who dodges bills and lies about being raped.
They do this by telling what they believe to be a cogent tale to illustrate that her story is incredible.
Muckraker read that clumsy statement several times and each time she was further disgusted by both the writer and The Market as a business.
They say the gentleman from another restaurant who is “well known to The Market staff” claimed that the woman had left an unpaid bill. That is not some random anecdote but an attempt to justify why they allowed him into the bar after they had closed.
It could also be a flimsy attempt at saying the man could not have violated the woman because he is “well known” to them.
As soon as the narration started Muckraker knew The Market was on an evil path.
And boy, did they march with vigour.
They say while the two were discussing the unpaid bill, the victim “indicated that she needed the bathroom”. Then comes the killer line in the statement: “Moments later, the said gentleman also walked to the bathroom, where after a while they both emerged holding hands”.
The public is invited to conclude that the discussion about the unpaid bill was resolved in the toilet and the two “emerged holding hands”.
In other words, whatever was said or happened in the toilet was so mutual that a debt was settled and hands were held.
The victim blaming and bashing could have ended there but The Market was just getting started.
After social media clobbered them for their callous and inept statement, The Market came back with a second one pretending to be correcting the first one.
This time they tried to sanitise the first statement by weeding out the offensive parts but avoided withdrawing the first statement and sincerely apologising to the woman.
They forget that people will never unlearn what they learned from the first statement and are most likely to read the second statement as an update rather than a correction.
But just like that, The Market thinks they have dodged the bullet so they can go back to their cooking and notorious upselling.
Their message to women is stinging: “It’s your funeral if you run away from a bill and get raped in our toilets. We will protect ourselves and the suspects at all costs. For good measure, we will tell the public you enjoyed free drinks and got so drunk that you made allegations of rape against our friend who was only trying to get you to pay”.
Muckraker will not speculate on what happened but can say, without fear or favour, that The Market’s management are unmitigated and unrepentant rascals. Only a business managed by accredited scoundrels reacts with such brazen thuggery to allegations of rape on its premises. Muckraker didn’t say CHE accredits scoundrels but that the mischief exhibited by The Market is of such high quality that it deserves a certification of sorts and at a higher level. It’s Level 8 stuff.
Nka! Ichuuuuuuuuuuuu
muckracker.post@gmail.com

 

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Muckraker

The Market of nonsense

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You are wrong if you think The Market’s statement about the alleged rape in their toilets is just terrible public relations or some error of judgment.
The statement reflects society’s attitude towards rape victims and women in general. That much is clear in the statement’s tone.

The statement says the alleged victim was “heavily intoxicated” but the truth is that its author was drunk from both something illegal and prejudice.
Even someone who had drunk all the beer, ciders, cocktails, whisky, gin and brandy in The Market would not come up with such a statement. This is top-notch BS rehearsed over years and expertly mastered. The Makhadzi dance to the alleged victim’s trauma.
But there is more to show their contempt for the alleged victim.
The one-page statement mentions the alleged victim’s name five times. Five!
It has 11 sentences and mentions the victim’s name in five of them.
It is unethical to mention rape victims by name but The Market did it anyway because they probably wanted to remind everyone that she is “that woman”.
You can bet your last January kobo that some dunderheads will justify naming her on the basis that she had already identified herself by posting the incident on social media. Nonsense!
The Market had no right to identify her by name in their statement.
They didn’t seek her consent. And even if they did, it’s still unethical.
To see that mentioning her name five times was not an innocent mistake you have to check how many times the statement mentions her alleged attacker‘s name. Zero!
This is despite that the alleged victim had revealed his name, or at least part of it, on social media. They call him “a staff member of one of the establishments at Maseru” and a “gentleman”.
They don’t even say the man is from one of the establishments at Maseru Mall because that would instantly narrow the list and expose him.
So they resort to saying “Maseru” as if Maseru City is synonymous with Maseru Mall. The idea was to keep his identity as vague as possible. Even if the alleged victim had not mentioned his name The Market knew him because the statement says he is “well known to The Market staff”.
There is a method to the madness here. The Market was at pains to protect the alleged attacker while loudly shouting the victim’s name. Ideally, neither the victim nor the suspect should have been mentioned by name. She is a victim of rape and the suspect was yet to appear in court.
Those with an eye for detail might have also noticed that The Market unashamedly tries to pretend to have suddenly discovered the woman’s rape allegations on her Facebook page. She reported to their staff soon after the alleged incident.
Muckraker will end this depressing story with one more observation.
The Market’s statement mentions “toilets” as if they have many toilets.
The reality is that it’s one toilet for men and women. The main entrance is the same and so is the washing area.
On busy nights you can use either of the cubicles. Muckraker has seen men budging into the women’s cubicle and vice-versa. “Hona le motho!” is a common scream in that toilet.
Muckraker has bumped into men with open zips and women pulling up their pants in the washing area. Women fixing their bras bump heads with men tucking in their shirts.
Whoever designed that toilet has a brain the size of the punctuation mark at the end of this sentence.
There are no words for those who thought it fit to be used by their patrons.
Nka! Ichuuuuuuuuuuuu
muckracker.post@gmail.com

 

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Muckraker

Is Kabi a real lekoloane?

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Is Kabi a real lekoloane? That is not a trick question so don’t bother scratching your stressed head.
Even the goats in Matatiele, where he is alleged to have been initiated, know he is not a real lekoloane.
They know what he did last December and are as disgusted as the other makoloane who rightly feel he has cheated his way to the title.

The Matatiele goats know that other initiates had to spend at least five weeks at the initiation school to earn the honour of being called a lekoloane.
The leadership of the national initiation committee says claiming to be a lekoloane after just 72 hours at an initiation school is “unacceptable”.
Muckraker will call it fraud until Kabi proves otherwise.
Muckraker is not saying this to humiliate Kabi. He is a good fella but the stubborn reality is that he didn’t complete the course and therefore has no business pretending to be qualified.
It’s not as if Kabi entered the school with credits from another school. There was no transfer letter.
If there is a letter he should name his former principal.
He cannot claim to have attended initiation classes through Zoom and then went to complete the course with some practicals for 72 hours. He didn’t do distance learning because initiation schools are not UNISA.
There is no crash course in initiation school. That he qualified for mature entry doesn’t mean he could just sneak into the school hours before graduation and then claim to be a certified lekoloane.
The issue is not whether Kabi believes he is a real lekoloane because that doesn’t matter. Being in a plane doesn’t make you a pilot even if you scream to be regarded as one.
Muckraker has visited NUL’s law school but cannot claim to be a lawyer. She has joined the wires on her phone charger but is no electrician.
The real Makoloane are furious because he has cheated his way to their title and wants to be treated as their equal. They are right. Yet what Kabi has done is more serious than stealing a title. He has corrupted the institution of initiation.
He had no excuse for pulling the 72-hour trick at the initiation school.
Parliament was closed, they had dismally failed to topple Uncle Sam and his party is dead. He cannot claim he was busy running the ABC because Feselady and her hubby are still in charge.
For the past week, Muckraker has been wondering why Kabi could deliberately inflict such dishonour on himself.
The answer is that Kabi is entitled like other politicians. He wants to have the best for his minimum effort.
They want to earn the best perks but still claim to be the people’s humble servants. They want the people to vote for them for merely being present or promising something.
When held to the highest standards they point to the incompetence of other politicians.
Their favourite refrain is “at least….”
Kabi desperately wanted to be a lekoloane but was not prepared to put in the work.
The second part of the answer is that Kabi, like other politicians, thought he could get away with it. It’s an attitude informed by the general contempt politicians have for those they believe are beneath them.
It’s just that he has underestimated the resolve of other initiates to protect their institution from fraudsters and imposters.
Now he will be remembered as a political leader who was caught, pants down, masquerading as a lekoloane. The national initiation committee has said he is not wanted near an initiation school and if he is seen in the vicinity he will be forced to repeat the course.
Muckraker thinks “repeat” is not the right word. He will be starting from Grade 1, doing the ‘a, e, i, o, u’ of initiation school.
Ouch!
Kabi is worse than a high school dropout because dropouts don’t show up for graduation.
He is worse than those who insist on using the honorary doctorate title because, at least, that title is given voluntarily. There is nothing called an honourary lekoloane. You are either or not.
Those who cheat in exams are way better than him because, at least, they would have attended classes and qualified for exams but are just too daft. Kabi didn’t attend classes or take the exam.
He just arrived when others were rehearsing their graduation songs, got himself smeared with ochre and proudly walked to the podium to be capped.
Kabi is welcome to call himself a lekoloane but he will be a lekoloane in his head and not to anyone else.
He might as well have spent the 72 hours plotting to topple Uncle Sam because he will never be a lekoloane even if he smears himself with a Maqalika of ochre and recites initiation songs a million times.
A man who is not initiated is called a leqai but what do we call one who tries to cheat their way to initiation?
Let’s call him a kabi. And that is a real title because it is earned. Finally, oh finally, Kabi has invented something useful. Hooray!
Nka! Ichuuuuuuuuuuuu
muckracker.post@gmail.com

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