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It’s time to whip them



A South African court has just ruled that parents are not allowed to spank their children.
The court said parents should talk to their children instead of smacking them.

That is an outrageous judgement in a country already brimming with uncultured rascals who think the world owes them a living.
Basotho parents should be very afraid for it’s only a matter of time before some wigged judge copies that ruling and plonks it onto our law books. We like copying South African laws and trends here, so parents had better start spanking their brats before some judge says “enough!”

Beat them now for every mischief they will commit in the next three years.
It’s a fair deal because it means your children can have a credit on spanking. That way they can ration their naughtiness in line with the spankings accumulated.
But Muckraker will tell you today that even if that law were to miraculously become the 11th commandment, she will still whack her children. Oh yes! There is already a dire shortage of parents who smack their children in this country.

We don’t beat our children anymore. That is why they are turning into little monsters terrorising other children and getting up to some monkey shines.
You see the spoilt brats when they scream for things in shops and their mothers look terrified as if they have seen a ghost. The boys are the main culprits because we have a silly habit of calling them ‘ntate’ even before they can feed themselves and wipe their own behinds.

Slowly but surely were nurture this superiority complex by allowing them to get away with so much tomfoolery.
And before you know it they are teenagers talking back at us, bunking school and making our lives miserable.
We wonder where this madness and stubbornness came from yet we are the ones who stroked their egos before they could barely wear their panties without leaning against a wall.

We squirm as we watch them galloping into manhood still chained to their uncouth and rude ways. Then when they think they have come of age we unleash them into the world to look for a partner to marry.
We jump for joy when they bring a girl home and we break the bank to give them the wedding they don’t deserve.
Then one day you see them on TV or in newspapers claiming to be a politician. And boom! The rascals are in parliament pretending to be adults representing us.
And so there you have it: a concise and lucid tale of how we got ourselves the politicians who are taking turns to rule us.

There is ample evidence that most of our politicians did not get a proper beating in childhood.
You see it from their incessant whingeing and grumbling. They are an indolent lot that cheat, lie, steal and mislead.
Many will never take responsibility of their actions. They are quick to blame everyone but themselves for their own mistakes.
If you ask the bitter congress lot why they are out of power they will spew some drivel.

Ask that arrogant bunch in government why they have been such dismal failures and they will point at the State House to blame one couple for everything wrong in their administration.
It wasn’t me, they will say with a grin as they point towards Tonakholo Road.
You can see politicians who didn’t get enough of the peach tree branch when they were boys.

It’s a pity the masses are not allowed to whip their politicians. Muckraker would have long locked the parliament doors and flogged them until they rediscover their manners.
She would start with the congress scoundrels who spent decades in government but only managed to keep this country as the village that it is.

Then she would go for those in the current administration who are bungling with so much zest that you would think they are vying for a Nobel Prize in incompetence.
She would lash those in government for closing parliament and whack those in the opposition for allowing the government to get away with such nonsense. Imagine where this country would be if there was a law that allows people to beat politicians on sight.

They would steal less and work harder to serve the people. The reforms would have been completed in days. The right laws would be passed in a flash. They would repay their interest-free loans pronto. NUL would not be starving. The lesson is clear: if you want to have a better Lesotho tomorrow you should start spanking your children now before they become politicians. Future generations will thank you later.

Muckraker toppled off her stool after reading Acting Chief Justice Maseforo Mahase’s scathing attack on her colleagues.
It was however pleasant to notice that she had suddenly discovered that her colleagues in the High Court are lazybones who specialise in taking long naps in their chambers instead of delivering judgements.
She unleashed a long phafa on the likes of Justice Tšeliso Monapathi, Justice Molefi Makara, Justice Thamsanqa Nomngcongo and Justice Keketso Moahloli and Justice Lineo Chaka-Makhooane.
All that ranting was meant to justify why those judges should recuse themselves from a case in which a senior ABC member is seeking an order to compel the Judicial Service Commission (JSC) to institute impeachment proceedings against her. She called those judges incompetent, lazy and stubborn.

While Muckraker admits that there is a grain of truth in some of her words, she is stunned that the judge could have such a short memory when it comes to her own misdeeds.
A few weeks ago she was being pilloried for sitting on judgements in the ABC cases.
She is the same judge who contrived to issue one of the most inept rulings since the country was christened Lesotho.

It was her who instigated Uncle Tom to go after Justice Kananelo Mosito.
And when did she discover that judgements should be delivered on time? Was it when she was chastised by the Court of Appeal for cooking a judgement for months or when someone sought to have her emptied into the streets for exuding blatant bias?

She has the nerve to say she is disciplining other judges for delaying judgement but forgets that she too is guilty of the same folly. Does she not know that the JSC has also received complaints about her conduct as well?

Phew! Someone should just pinch the judge and remind her that the mirror is still useful.
If that doesn’t help her recover from that bout of hypocrisy then some old melodies might work.
Muckraker recommends Dr. Alban’s “Look Who’s Talking!”

Released in 1989, the hit song should have come at a time when she was in her prime. She was probably in a perm when she first heard that song. She possibly had a glass of wine in her hand.
There is no way she could not have danced to that tune unless she was a boring beauty. She doesn’t sound boring, given her propensity for drama.
She is a good actor too. They don’t call her Acting Chief Justice for nothing. In the meantime, Muckraker is seeking small donations to buy the judge Dr Alban’s album.

Nka! Ichuuuuuuuuuuu!

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Let them take korobela



Nqosa Mahao has pulled a fast one on his opposition comrades to join Uncle Sam’s government. Muckraker suspected the bromance among the opposition leaders would end in tears but never expected Mahao to do the betraying. The lesson is that there is no honour among politicians and everyone has a price. The BAP’s price is two cabinet seats and some morsels to be flung its way here and there.
The opposition is furious at Mahao for stringing them along for three weeks while Uncle Sam whispered sweet little things in his ears.

They say Mahao attended their nocturnal meetings to plot Uncle Sam’s demise but was busy with a plan to get himself a mok’huk’hu in the government.
Their screams of anger are hypocritical. They too would have been charmed for the right price. Mahao just happened to have yielded earlier than them. None of them can claim that they were not approached by the RFP or its dealmakers.

No one could claim that they refused the RFP’s marriage proposal because they differed on ideology and principle. The only sticking issue was what was offered and what they thought their support was worthy. So let’s bin the hypocrisy and confirm that some of them overreached and overestimated their value by holding out for more spoils. It’s not their business if Mahao sold himself too cheap.

He was smart enough to understand that the market of political support was already flooded. That is being pragmatic.
In the end, it was a simple matter of demand and supply. Uncle Sam played the game well by lodging a scarecrow of a court case to delay the vote of no confidence to buy himself time. That blindsided the opposition leaders and allowed Uncle Sam to counterattack.

So while Lehata was laughing like a hyena in parliament and the opposition congregated at the BNP Centre for drinks Uncle Sam was cooking some delicious dish across town. It was only a matter of time before the aroma reached the politicians’ noses.

So while they were claiming to be united most of them were busy receiving calls to hear what was on the menu. It was a buffet of embassies and cabinet seats. The desserts were deputy minister positions and some small jobs for hungry supporters. The only problem with some of the opposition leaders was that they wanted to eat the whole buffet, including Uncle Sam’s portion.

Meanwhile, Uncle Sam was busy gauging what was enough to satiate the hungriest among the opposition leaders. In the end, he knew he didn’t have to part with much to get the deal and the numbers he wanted. Some politicians are saying Mahao could have asked for more because Uncle Sam was desperate and cornered. Not true!

Your tomatoes do not cost more simply because you worked hard to produce them or you think they are special. It’s the market that decides.
To get more for them you should get the timing right. The same applies to political support. Uncle Sam knew the market of political support would be oversupplied if he waited a few days before buying.

By the time he came to the market the available political support was about to rot and everyone was willing to sell at a huge discount. This is common sense but some opposition leaders want to pretend Mahao ambushed them by selling fast.

Muckraker suggests that next time they plot against Uncle Sam, the opposition leaders should visit a sangoma to give them all a huge dose of korobela so that none is tempted to find another lover. The best love portion comes from the North of us. Mwa, mwa, mwa!

Nka! Ichuuuuuuuuuuuu

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How to share a stolen goat



Those who think Uncle Sam is now safe from the barbarians at the gates are naïve. Mahao’s defection is a temporary setback from which the opposition leaders are plotting to recover.
They are coming because Uncle Sam is holding something they cannot live without: power.
And they will not rest until they get it. Those who believe this fight is based on principle and ideology are unmitigated dimwits. Their claim that Uncle Sam’s government has failed is just a cover to justify their plot. They know they would not do a better job.

Everyone knows that because they have seen their epic bungling when they had a chance to rule.
The notoriety of their thievery, corruption, deliberate mismanagement and nepotism precedes them. They say Uncle Sam has failed to implement his party’s campaign promises but forget that some of them failed several times. If this was about ideology and principle it would reflect in the negotiations for coalitions. In countries where politicians still have morsels of self-respect and specks of shame, such negotiations would be dominated by ideological and policy considerations.

Political parties try to find some common ground on fundamental issues like the economy, education, climate change, trade and foreign policy.
Our rascals here talk about ministerial and diplomatic positions as if they are sharing a stolen goat; I want the head, give me likahare.

My ancestors said I should always eat the testicles. Give me the liver, I don’t have teeth. The heart is my favourite. In a way, our government is like a stolen goat being shared by thieves. Ba ja maleo.

It’s a fat goat stolen from Basotho. The politicians will eat it and not leave even the skin for Basotho to make a mat to lay on when hungry. The thieves are eating while the people watch.

Yet we people never tire to give the politicians the permission to rob and pee on them.
It’s tempting to say we deserve it but no one, not even the Devil, deserves the politicians we have in this country. Some say there is hell somewhere. Muckraker says we are already in a hell of some sort created by our politicians. We are being roasted slowly by politicians and they will never stop.

Does that make you feel depressed and hopeless? Well, you are not alone. There are worse places on this earth. Does that mean we should accept tosh because there is worse tosh in other places?
Well, it’s your choice.

Muckraker wishes you a wet weekend. Let’s hope Uncle Sam throws us a party to celebrate his great escape. You marched for him, didn’t you?
A beer is what you deserve for sweating from Maseru Mall to parliament.

Nka! Ichuuuuuuuuuuuu

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Give Lehata a Bell’s



Mootsi Lehata behaved like a clown in parliament last week. Laughing like he was in a shebeen. Spewing insults as if someone had stolen his goats. He even used the ‘F’ word on Lejone Mpotjoane.
“Moshanyana enoa a se ke a ntella. Se ke oa ntella sonny, f**k you,” he said in response to Mpotjoane. Muckraker doesn’t know Mpotjoane to be a moshanyana. What she knows is what Lehata did to a ngoanana a few years ago.

The girl dropped the rape case on the condition that Lehata builds her a house and pays for the child’s upkeep. So ke eena ea tellang molao. Some might say it’s water under the bridge but Muckraker doesn’t forgive. Never!

For now, we should talk about his monkeyshines in parliament. He looked high on something. Lehata can however deny it. He can say he was shaking because he had spent sleepless nights plotting to topple Uncle Sam. He can claim he was shaking with excitement at the prospect of becoming a minister again. If that doesn’t cut it he can say wasn’t drunk but just suffering from a hangover.

That might work because he could say those who say he was drunk on that Monday should have seen him on Sunday. He could claim he was still suffering the effects of knocking down several bottles taller than him.
But whatever happens, no one can prove that he was high.

Yes, a test could have revealed that he had blood in his alcohol but that is now beside the point because it didn’t happen. In any case, Muckraker has seen worse things in parliament. Remember how some MPs spanked each other a few years ago?

Chairs and bins were given wings. An MP was once captured on camera groping another.
As for insults, worse things have been said. Some of the MPs don’t need to be insulted to feel humiliated. Imagine how it feels to be an LCD MP.
You see it in their faces that they are beating themselves.

No wonder they are not even mentioned as part of the opposition. They are not in opposition, not government and not in the crossbench. They are there, somewhere there.

Muckraker would not sleep well if she ended these musings without mentioning one small thing. During the debate on Lehata’s tomfoolery, one opposition MP said the Speaker should protect MPs so that their images are not manipulated to tarnish their reputation. Yeah, right!

You must have a reputation first for it to be tarnished. Muckraker and 98.9 percent of Basotho know 99 percent of our MPs to be freeloading, greedy and power-hungry charlatans.
That is their reputation. Those who say our MPs are honest and hardworking are tarnishing that sterling reputation.

Nka! Ichuuuuuuuuuuuu

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