THE salient lesson from the Coronavirus crisis is that the so-called prophets who have been fleecing people through tithes are thieving charlatans. If you think Muckraker is being malicious try telling your papa that you have a fever and a cough. He will bolt out of the house and disappear.
Tell him you have run out of food during the lockdown and you will see how he will avoid you like a plague. As Muckraker writes this some of the squawk prophets are scrambling for ways to keep donations and contributions flowing into their already bulging pockets.

That explains why some of the imposters are now telling their naïve followers that they can still pay their tithes via bank transfers. There is no talk about how they will help their followers during this crisis.
But you can be sure that the blind loyalists will not forsake their papas even if they defecate on their heads. Instead of questioning their papas some followers are in an overdrive to promote them.
That is why we now have claims that prophet so and so predicted the pandemic.

Nyoe, nyoe, nyoe, our prophet saw this coming a few months ago.
Nyoe, nyoe, our pastor warned us about this virus.
Nyoe, nyoe, our papa saw this coming.
There is a mad rush to scrounge through old sermons for something showing that the prophets said something about the virus or pandemic.

The evidence is scant and the words vague. The abstract is not the real thing.
Conspiracy theories are scattered all over social media to prove that some so-called prophets had the foresight to see this coming. It’s all nonsense spread by nincompoops targeting fellow imbeciles.
The idea is to keep the charade alive and pull more people into the cults they unashamedly call churches.
What really matters at this time is what those who claim to be ‘Men of God’ do. Let’s remember that while this ‘Man of God’ mantra is Biblical, it has been appropriated by thieves in shiny suits, silly haircuts, pointed shoes and very long fingers.

The Holy Book says we should judge them by their fruits yet so far their only fruits are expensive cars, fat bank accounts, vulgar mansions and false prophecies.
Meanwhile, their followers (read that as victims) wallow in poverty while paying through the nose to sustain their opulent lifestyles. Today they are hiding in their houses while wearing masks.
Masks bought by your tithes.

You are washing your hands with Maqalika water while they swim in pools of sanitizers.
Your children are playing hide and seek in you malaeneng room while they are slouched on their cosy beds playing video games.
Only an idiot of a parent feeds another child when their own children are farting the gases of empty bellies.
If you visit them for prayers they will tell you about the lockdown. Yeh, the man who claims to have power to predict your future is now scared of a virus. The papa who performs miracles and says he speaks to God is now hiding in his home. The very home you built for him.
Beyond his felicific sermons you are on your own in this lockdown.

Muckraker suggests that people start asking the so-called papas to refund their tithes and contributions. They need this money over the next 21 days.
If you think that is ungodly then ask the papa to use the money to buy masks and gloves for the poor. After all, the churches will not be paying many bills during the lockdown.
No papa can claim that the church needs water, petrol and power in this time.
Surely he won’t be travelling during the lockdown.
So there are savings that can be used to help the poor congregates marooned in their tiny houses.
Of course the papa will plead poverty.

Yet we should not be surprised because these have always been conmen on the pulpit.
Your money has been swallowed for good.
They claim to be powerful but move around with bodyguards. They smear you with cooking oil while they take vitamins and supplements.

They splash you with ‘holy water’ while they have personal doctors.
You are dunked in dirty waters while they play in a Jacuzzi.
Your children are at a free government school with unqualified and lazy teachers while theirs are in private schools playing hockey and rugby. Wake up!

Sunday after Sunday you are in the same worn out suit. Your tummy is about to report you to the police for feeding it papa and motoho every day. Your Japanese hand-me-down jalopy is spewing fumes. Yet you keep giving money to these dubious men.

Eish, common sense is as scarce as face masks these days.
The world is awash with ignorance.
Muckraker is now starting a religious debate here.
She has learned to avoid arguing with fools because they will beat you with experience.

As Muckraker writes this from her squeaking couch some people are scratching their bums after being walloped by the police and the army for violating the lockdown.
South Africans are fuming at what they see as ‘abuse’ by their security forces.
The same is happening in Lesotho where the army and the police are accused of beating those roaming the streets.
Let’s get a few things straight before we start shrieking about the army and the police spanking people. The army is not the Salvation Army.

They are in the streets to enforce a lockdown to save lives. Theirs is not a parade to please your eyes. It’s not the Independence celebration drills.
If you want entertainment listen to Mantša in your homes. Sing, play and pray but don’t gallivant in the streets. The army is not out to mollycoddle you.
They are not your mother who used to beat you with a cloth. You negotiate with your nyatsi, not soldiers enforcing a lockdown.

Muckraker is not saying the soldiers have an open cheque to beat people. Nor is she suggesting that there should be boots on the necks and buttocks. Far from it!
They have no reason beating people who have genuine reasons to leave their homes.
And those reasons are clearly stipulated in the gazette.
We cannot however deny that some of those who have been thumped are just belligerent rascals who think it’s time to play hide and seek with the security forces.
The point is that the soldiers will not break into homes to beat people. They are only going after those who play in the streets.

There is a bit of whipping here and there but it’s nothing that any adult has not experienced.
Your mother used to beat you for playing on the road. Those insisting on playing on the streets in this lockdown did not learn anything from their mothers’ sticks.
Soldiers are only helping you relearn the lessons you missed from your mother.
The choice is yours, to go out into the streets and get beat or to stay at home with your family.
You would think this is a simple choice but some people are just stubborn. You are a Lekoala!

What irritates Muckraker is the attempt to trivialise the lockdown as if it’s some high school detention session. Some are quick to scream about human rights when it’s clear that exercising the right to freedom of movement had been lawfully suspended.
They tell us about democracy when humanity faces an existential threat.
This is not a joke. But if you insist on turning this into some circus then you should not be shocked when you become the clown turning and twisting as the sjambok works on you. It’s not fair but it is what it is.

Granted, our security forces are some of the most excitable in the world. They don’t need much provocation to unleash whips on the people.
We have always known this for years. They have tortured, brutalised and murdered people. This lockdown is not some exercise to check if they have changed their terrible ways.
Those who see their recent crude actions as a continuation of their thuggish behaviour are correct. True, they could handle mischievous people better.

Yet it is unfair to criticise the security forces without also analysing the circumstances.
People had four days to prepare for the lockdown.
They knew it would curtail their movement. That the police and the army would be on the streets was obvious. Even cockroaches knew that their days of playing in our kitchens were over.
The rats that take over our homes when we are at work are aware that the party is over.
But some people are pretending that these are normal times. They are just refusing to stay in their homes. The security forces have their hands full and their options are limited.
They cannot arrest those people because the cells would be full. Remember the lockdown is meant to reduce crowding.

We cannot be looking for places to lock up people in this crisis. Our courts should not be dealing with such minor misdemeanours when the country is facing an epic crisis.
We should be buying masks, medicines and protective clothing instead of feeding more prisoners. The police should be patrolling the streets to enforce the lockdown instead of opening dockets for petty criminals. Now is not the time for tomfoolery. These are not normal times.
So at this time Muckraker is not hostile to a little bit of spanking. Those who have been flogged for roaming the streets without genuine reasons should be grateful to get away with a few lashes for what is ideally a serious crime. Yes, you heard that right.

Anyone who violates the lockdown is posing a grave threat to two million other people.
They are endangering their families, villages and the whole country.
If this disease comes here there will be no country to talk about. We will die like flies.
We are one of the least prepared countries in the world. Our health system will be chocked by an avalanche of patients. Health systems we have always thought to be sophisticated have crashed.
Just a few hundred Covid-19 patients will finish off our health sector. We are a broke country with a lot of people with pre-existing health conditions.

A little bit of spanking is therefore not a huge price to pay if that will contain the spread of the disease. This is the reality we must accept before we start screaming about the army forcing people to roll in mud.
Nyoe, nyoe, nyoe I don’t have the virus. How the hell do you know that?
You couldn’t even name the reproductive parts of a flower in your Form E science class but you want to play doctor. You cannot even spell ‘photosynthesis’ yet want to play nurse.
Nyoe, nyoe, I can take care of myself. Just zip it!
You can’t even afford Grandpa or Medi-lemon. Khele!

And who said the lockdown is meant to prevent you from spreading the virus.
The idea is to protect you against the virus. It’s not about you and your silly head but the whole country. If you don’t get that simple logic then a sjambok is good for you.
Yeh, I said it! It’s your right to believe the nonsense about the virus infecting the rich and white people. You can spew the pathetic conspiracy theories about the virus being manufactured. Scream about the power of ginger, lemons and garlic against the virus.
That is your business and we cannot save you from your ignorance. What will not be tolerated is you trying to take the same perverted ideas into the streets during the lockdown.

It was obvious that some people would resist the lockdown.
But what has not been said is why people are hostile to staying in their homes.
Instead we have claims that some cannot stay at their homes because they will starve.
That is true but only to an extent.
But then there is no point in pushing a cart of bananas if the streets are empty.
You cannot insist on opening your shebeen when customers are locked in their homes.
It is pointless to open your makoenya shop during a lockdown.
So this argument that some people still have to sell their wares is illogical.

In any case, it’s not as if it’s only the self-employed violating the lockdown. There are gainfully employed people running away from their homes.
What is clear is that some people just hate their homes. And that has nothing to do with the lockdown. The truth is that people have not invested in their homes and relationships.
It’s your problem if you cannot stand your quarrelsome and nagging spouse.
It is not the government’s problem that you have three lituntoanas for couches.
This is not a privileged view but the reality. It’s weird that the same people who were using every trick in the book to bunk work are now refusing to stay at home.

These are the same people who would buy sick notes from nurses to avoid work. A little cough was enough for them to stay at home for days. Now that they are allowed to stay at home they are sneaking out as if they are a new makoti going to the VIP.
The real debate should be what the government can do to help spouses quarantine from their partners. There is no easy solution here. Maybe they can allocate corners in their houses.
Perhaps they can take turns to spend some time in the VIP.
It’s also permissible for one to hide under the bed.
A hide and seek game will not hurt.

Otherwise you are joined at the hip for the next three weeks. And don’t you dare blame anyone for that. It’s you who said “till death do us part”.
Love the life and keep kissing the bride. And don’t forget to say “Ke u rata sehlanya-sethota. Ke cha mpa le seatla. Ke tsekela tsebe ke lupa bohlanya. Ke rata hoo nka noang metsi a mathe a linketjoane.”
Stay home, stay safe! Nka! Ichuuuuuuuuuuuu!

We should be buying masks, medicines and protective clothing instead of feeding more prisoners. The police should be patrolling the streets to enforce the lockdown instead of opening dockets for petty criminals. Now is not the time for tomfoolery. These are not normal times.
So at this time Muckraker is not hostile to a little bit of spanking. Those who have been flogged for roaming the streets without genuine reasons should be grateful to get away with a few lashes for what is ideally a serious crime. Yes, you heard that right.

Anyone who violates the lockdown is posing a grave threat to two million other people.
They are endangering their families, villages and the whole country.
If this disease comes here there will be no country to talk about. We will die like flies.
We are one of the least prepared countries in the world. Our health system will be chocked by an avalanche of patients. Health systems we have always thought to be sophisticated have crashed.
Just a few hundred Covid-19 patients will finish off our health sector. We are a broke country with a lot of people with pre-existing health conditions.

A little bit of spanking is therefore not a huge price to pay if that will contain the spread of the disease. This is the reality we must accept before we start screaming about the army forcing people to roll in mud.
Nyoe, nyoe, nyoe I don’t have the virus. How the hell do you know that?
You couldn’t even name the reproductive parts of a flower in your Form E science class but you want to play doctor. You cannot even spell ‘photosynthesis’ yet want to play nurse.
Nyoe, nyoe, I can take care of myself. Just zip it!
You can’t even afford Grandpa or Medi-lemon. Khele!

And who said the lockdown is meant to prevent you from spreading the virus.
The idea is to protect you against the virus. It’s not about you and your silly head but the whole country. If you don’t get that simple logic then a sjambok is good for you.
Yeh, I said it! It’s your right to believe the nonsense about the virus infecting the rich and white people. You can spew the pathetic conspiracy theories about the virus being manufactured. Scream about the power of ginger, lemons and garlic against the virus.
That is your business and we cannot save you from your ignorance. What will not be tolerated is you trying to take the same perverted ideas into the streets during the lockdown.

It was obvious that some people would resist the lockdown.
But what has not been said is why people are hostile to staying in their homes.
Instead we have claims that some cannot stay at their homes because they will starve.
That is true but only to an extent.
But then there is no point in pushing a cart of bananas if the streets are empty.
You cannot insist on opening your shebeen when customers are locked in their homes.
It is pointless to open your makoenya shop during a lockdown.

So this argument that some people still have to sell their wares is illogical.
In any case, it’s not as if it’s only the self-employed violating the lockdown. There are gainfully employed people running away from their homes.
What is clear is that some people just hate their homes. And that has nothing to do with the lockdown. The truth is that people have not invested in their homes and relationships.
It’s your problem if you cannot stand your quarrelsome and nagging spouse.
It is not the government’s problem that you have three lituntoanas for couches.

This is not a privileged view but the reality. It’s weird that the same people who were using every trick in the book to bunk work are now refusing to stay at home.
These are the same people who would buy sick notes from nurses to avoid work. A little cough was enough for them to stay at home for days. Now that they are allowed to stay at home they are sneaking out as if they are a new makoti going to the VIP.

The real debate should be what the government can do to help spouses quarantine from their partners. There is no easy solution here. Maybe they can allocate corners in their houses.
Perhaps they can take turns to spend some time in the VIP.
It’s also permissible for one to hide under the bed.

A hide and seek game will not hurt.
Otherwise you are joined at the hip for the next three weeks. And don’t you dare blame anyone for that. It’s you who said “till death do us part”.
Love the life and keep kissing the bride. And don’t forget to say “Ke u rata sehlanya-sethota. Ke cha mpa le seatla. Ke tsekela tsebe ke lupa bohlanya. Ke rata hoo nka noang metsi a mathe a linketjoane.”
Stay home, stay safe! Nka! Ichuuuuuuuuuuuu!

muckraker.post@gmail.com