Connect with us


Mind your own hopose!



UNTIL now, Muckraker has never paid much attention to the meetings at the National Reforms Authority (NRA). After all, it’s just a bunch of politicians pretending to be cleaning the mess they created with their greed, ambitiousness and tomfoolery.

There is no sweeter deal like being paid to clean up your poop.
But this week Muckraker kicked herself for bunking those meetings.
Reports say that some politicians almost knocked out each other’s teeth during a heated debate.

What angered the politicians to the point of attempting to bludgeon each other is not important.
You can be sure it was a non-issue that only escalated because our politicians like to measure their molamu in public. The ‘yours-is- bigger-than-mine’ kind of thing.

Anyway, here is the short version of what happened.
At some point during the debate, Jeremane Ramathebane of the Basotho Batho Democratic Party (BBDP) felt Mohau Thakaso of the White Horse Party was swinging on his beard.
Irritated, Ramathebane then started bellowing insults as he charged towards Thakaso.

He had his fists clenched and ready to rearrange Thakaso’s yellowbone face.
Some say he wanted to strangle Thakaso with his beard.
But as he was about to grab Thakaso’s ears, Ramathebane was restrained by Paul Masiu, the leader of the Christian Party of Lesotho (CPL), and some NRA employees.

And just like that the Letofe of fights had been stopped, robbing the country of the much-needed entertainment. Muckraker will never forgive Masiu for his exuberance. He had no business interfering with our pleasure.
May his continue to be a little party whose members cannot fill a wheelbarrow. May he receive only two votes in the next election. He must repent like Saul so that he becomes the real Paul.

As for the NRA staffers who helped Masiu stop the boxing match, Muckraker is warning them to mind their own hopose. They must remember they were not hired to be security guards.
They must be disciplined for neglecting their core duties to stop that fight. You cannot apply for a job that requires a degree and then spend your time stopping fights.

Reports say Thakaso only started shouting when Ramathebane was restrained by the excitable Masiu and the over-enthusiastic NRA staffers.
Only when Ramathebane was back on his seat did Thakaso start threatening to hoof him.
Muckraker chuckled when she heard that he said he will not be intimidated by Ramathebane. Really?

If he was brave he should have left his chair and met Ramathebane halfway. That is what the unintimidated do.
He should have jumped to rearrange Ramathebane’s face which surely needs some landscaping.

You see, Ramathebane thinks his beard is the source of his strength. A Samson of sorts. Someone lied to him that his beard is some special mohair. Thakaso should have grabbed that bush and used it to swing Ramathebane across the room. And it will not be a crime here or in heaven. In Proverbs, King Solomon says: “When some fool starts an argument, he is asking for a beating”.

Muckraker is sick and tired of warning people against stopping fistfights between politicians.
Henceforth she will be attending the NRA sessions. Not to contribute to the charade but to beat those who interfere with boxing matches between politicians. This peace-making nonsense stops now. Basotho deserve some entertainment. Likuena are playing tosh. Lesotho TV is like a potent sleeping pill. Radio stations are full of drivel and politicians masquerading as journalists. The bars are playing Osama and Mojolo the whole night.
Roof of Africa is a hyped-up damp squib. What’s funny about makhooa playing in the mud with their expensive motorbikes in a country where the average person cannot afford a bicycle?

The Feselady is a joke that has long ceased to be funny. Some fistfights in the NRA will save this country from boredom. Otherwise, it will be hanky-panky all the way to next year.

Nka! Ichuuuuuuuuuuu!

Continue Reading


Let them take korobela



Nqosa Mahao has pulled a fast one on his opposition comrades to join Uncle Sam’s government. Muckraker suspected the bromance among the opposition leaders would end in tears but never expected Mahao to do the betraying. The lesson is that there is no honour among politicians and everyone has a price. The BAP’s price is two cabinet seats and some morsels to be flung its way here and there.
The opposition is furious at Mahao for stringing them along for three weeks while Uncle Sam whispered sweet little things in his ears.

They say Mahao attended their nocturnal meetings to plot Uncle Sam’s demise but was busy with a plan to get himself a mok’huk’hu in the government.
Their screams of anger are hypocritical. They too would have been charmed for the right price. Mahao just happened to have yielded earlier than them. None of them can claim that they were not approached by the RFP or its dealmakers.

No one could claim that they refused the RFP’s marriage proposal because they differed on ideology and principle. The only sticking issue was what was offered and what they thought their support was worthy. So let’s bin the hypocrisy and confirm that some of them overreached and overestimated their value by holding out for more spoils. It’s not their business if Mahao sold himself too cheap.

He was smart enough to understand that the market of political support was already flooded. That is being pragmatic.
In the end, it was a simple matter of demand and supply. Uncle Sam played the game well by lodging a scarecrow of a court case to delay the vote of no confidence to buy himself time. That blindsided the opposition leaders and allowed Uncle Sam to counterattack.

So while Lehata was laughing like a hyena in parliament and the opposition congregated at the BNP Centre for drinks Uncle Sam was cooking some delicious dish across town. It was only a matter of time before the aroma reached the politicians’ noses.

So while they were claiming to be united most of them were busy receiving calls to hear what was on the menu. It was a buffet of embassies and cabinet seats. The desserts were deputy minister positions and some small jobs for hungry supporters. The only problem with some of the opposition leaders was that they wanted to eat the whole buffet, including Uncle Sam’s portion.

Meanwhile, Uncle Sam was busy gauging what was enough to satiate the hungriest among the opposition leaders. In the end, he knew he didn’t have to part with much to get the deal and the numbers he wanted. Some politicians are saying Mahao could have asked for more because Uncle Sam was desperate and cornered. Not true!

Your tomatoes do not cost more simply because you worked hard to produce them or you think they are special. It’s the market that decides.
To get more for them you should get the timing right. The same applies to political support. Uncle Sam knew the market of political support would be oversupplied if he waited a few days before buying.

By the time he came to the market the available political support was about to rot and everyone was willing to sell at a huge discount. This is common sense but some opposition leaders want to pretend Mahao ambushed them by selling fast.

Muckraker suggests that next time they plot against Uncle Sam, the opposition leaders should visit a sangoma to give them all a huge dose of korobela so that none is tempted to find another lover. The best love portion comes from the North of us. Mwa, mwa, mwa!

Nka! Ichuuuuuuuuuuuu

Continue Reading


How to share a stolen goat



Those who think Uncle Sam is now safe from the barbarians at the gates are naïve. Mahao’s defection is a temporary setback from which the opposition leaders are plotting to recover.
They are coming because Uncle Sam is holding something they cannot live without: power.
And they will not rest until they get it. Those who believe this fight is based on principle and ideology are unmitigated dimwits. Their claim that Uncle Sam’s government has failed is just a cover to justify their plot. They know they would not do a better job.

Everyone knows that because they have seen their epic bungling when they had a chance to rule.
The notoriety of their thievery, corruption, deliberate mismanagement and nepotism precedes them. They say Uncle Sam has failed to implement his party’s campaign promises but forget that some of them failed several times. If this was about ideology and principle it would reflect in the negotiations for coalitions. In countries where politicians still have morsels of self-respect and specks of shame, such negotiations would be dominated by ideological and policy considerations.

Political parties try to find some common ground on fundamental issues like the economy, education, climate change, trade and foreign policy.
Our rascals here talk about ministerial and diplomatic positions as if they are sharing a stolen goat; I want the head, give me likahare.

My ancestors said I should always eat the testicles. Give me the liver, I don’t have teeth. The heart is my favourite. In a way, our government is like a stolen goat being shared by thieves. Ba ja maleo.

It’s a fat goat stolen from Basotho. The politicians will eat it and not leave even the skin for Basotho to make a mat to lay on when hungry. The thieves are eating while the people watch.

Yet we people never tire to give the politicians the permission to rob and pee on them.
It’s tempting to say we deserve it but no one, not even the Devil, deserves the politicians we have in this country. Some say there is hell somewhere. Muckraker says we are already in a hell of some sort created by our politicians. We are being roasted slowly by politicians and they will never stop.

Does that make you feel depressed and hopeless? Well, you are not alone. There are worse places on this earth. Does that mean we should accept tosh because there is worse tosh in other places?
Well, it’s your choice.

Muckraker wishes you a wet weekend. Let’s hope Uncle Sam throws us a party to celebrate his great escape. You marched for him, didn’t you?
A beer is what you deserve for sweating from Maseru Mall to parliament.

Nka! Ichuuuuuuuuuuuu

Continue Reading


Give Lehata a Bell’s



Mootsi Lehata behaved like a clown in parliament last week. Laughing like he was in a shebeen. Spewing insults as if someone had stolen his goats. He even used the ‘F’ word on Lejone Mpotjoane.
“Moshanyana enoa a se ke a ntella. Se ke oa ntella sonny, f**k you,” he said in response to Mpotjoane. Muckraker doesn’t know Mpotjoane to be a moshanyana. What she knows is what Lehata did to a ngoanana a few years ago.

The girl dropped the rape case on the condition that Lehata builds her a house and pays for the child’s upkeep. So ke eena ea tellang molao. Some might say it’s water under the bridge but Muckraker doesn’t forgive. Never!

For now, we should talk about his monkeyshines in parliament. He looked high on something. Lehata can however deny it. He can say he was shaking because he had spent sleepless nights plotting to topple Uncle Sam. He can claim he was shaking with excitement at the prospect of becoming a minister again. If that doesn’t cut it he can say wasn’t drunk but just suffering from a hangover.

That might work because he could say those who say he was drunk on that Monday should have seen him on Sunday. He could claim he was still suffering the effects of knocking down several bottles taller than him.
But whatever happens, no one can prove that he was high.

Yes, a test could have revealed that he had blood in his alcohol but that is now beside the point because it didn’t happen. In any case, Muckraker has seen worse things in parliament. Remember how some MPs spanked each other a few years ago?

Chairs and bins were given wings. An MP was once captured on camera groping another.
As for insults, worse things have been said. Some of the MPs don’t need to be insulted to feel humiliated. Imagine how it feels to be an LCD MP.
You see it in their faces that they are beating themselves.

No wonder they are not even mentioned as part of the opposition. They are not in opposition, not government and not in the crossbench. They are there, somewhere there.

Muckraker would not sleep well if she ended these musings without mentioning one small thing. During the debate on Lehata’s tomfoolery, one opposition MP said the Speaker should protect MPs so that their images are not manipulated to tarnish their reputation. Yeah, right!

You must have a reputation first for it to be tarnished. Muckraker and 98.9 percent of Basotho know 99 percent of our MPs to be freeloading, greedy and power-hungry charlatans.
That is their reputation. Those who say our MPs are honest and hardworking are tarnishing that sterling reputation.

Nka! Ichuuuuuuuuuuuu

Continue Reading