Muckraker has always known that our spies are novices. That is why she was not surprised when the National Security Service (NSS) boss, Pheello Ralenkoane, started brawling with Machesetsa Mofomobe.
This was after Ralenkoane sent his spies to confiscate Cheesy phones on allegations that he was involved in the killing of journalist Joki and was getting classified information from an intelligence officer who happened to be his girlfriend.
Cheesy refused to surrender his phones, told them to find somewhere else to play and they left with tails between their legs.
While Ralenkoane and his spies were still nursing their wounds, Cheesy galloped to the High Court to interdict them from seizing his phones.
Ralenkoane should have hid under his desk but he rolled his sleeves, thumped his chest and challenged Cheesy to a fight.
He told the court, in his affidavit, that the NSS wanted Cheesy’s phones because he was involved in Joki’s murder and he was sharing classified information with his spy lover. For good measure, he attached pictures of the alleged WhatsApp communication between Cheesy and the officer.
Some of the pictures were so pornographic that you would swear they had been ripped from Hustler magazine. Maybe the idea was to embarrass Cheesy.
But whatever the intention, he found Cheesy warming up in his boxers and a vest, ready to hit him in the apparatus of procreation.
Cheesy dismissed those pictures as malice and alleged that Ralenkoane had hired his own two girlfriends as spies. So according to Cheesy the man accusing him of getting leaked information from the NSS had dished government jobs to his two lovers.
But that was not enough. Cheesy portrayed the spy boss as a man who should be grateful to him for giving him a job beyond his capacity. Ouch!
Then came the sting. Cheesy said he called Ralenkoane from his small field in Koro to invite him to his friend’s house to announce that he was appointing him as the NSS boss. At the house, Ralenkoane was offered a glass of Oros but ended up drinking the whole bottle.
Cheesy said this was not because Ralenkoane was thirsty after running from Kolo to Maseru. No. He was hungry. Does that sound petty? Well, maybe.
But who cares? We all deserve some time to laugh so we forget the government’s schoolboy mistakes. The lesson for Ralenkoane is to choose his battles carefully. Never fight the man who had you thoroughly investigated before handing you a job.
For now, we should remember that two litres of Oros make eight litres.
That is how much Oros Cheesy says Ralenkoane drank in one afternoon.
That is not drinking but pouring.