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Overrated buffoons



WHEN it comes to leadership, humans are the most overrated species. They think they are the most sophisticated in the animal kingdom yet there is nothing unique about their leadership skills.

Animals too use force, coups, elections, quorums, seniority and consensus to either rule or make decisions.
Chimpanzees use physical force to control their group’s resources like food and sex (and yes, sex is a resource even among humans).

Their leaders are what one scientist has described as “self-interested thugs” ruling by terrorising the group. More like some of our leaders, right.

But some sophisticated chimpanzee leaders also rule by building coalitions and bonds in the group. We have those too. Among elephants, the oldest female is the leader because of her knowledge of sensing danger and looking for food and water.

Hyenas rule by social rank. Honey bees are more complex because they use both force and persuasion to choose a queen.

A hive creates several queens by feeding them a special diet. They then leave the potential queens to sting each other for supremacy, with the last bee standing becoming the queen.

But when they face a life-and-death decision on where to move or split up a hive their process is impressively more democratic than humans. Hundreds of bees from the hive go out to scout for new sites and report back on their finding.

A scout that dances more enthusiastically on their return to the hive convinces the other scouts to go check out his site. Once a certain number of scouts have visited the location the bees decide that they have reached a quorum and they return to the hive to get the others to follow them to the new site.

That is remarkable because it is way better than humans. A scout bee will never lie to other bees about the suitability of a new site because that will endanger the whole group. It acts in the best interests of the group because its fate is linked to that of the group. It is part of the team.

The same cannot be said for our politicians because they live for themselves. Their fate is never linked to that of the people and the country.

You will also notice that animals are led by the wisest, strongest, cutest or smartest. But no matter what happens, animals will never allow themselves to be led by the dullest in their group.

Humans do exactly that. We are probably the only species that allows itself to be led by imbeciles and idiots in their groups. If you think Muckraker is lying, ask yourself if your MP is the smartest person in your constituency.

If your answer is yes, you are likely to be a dunderhead wasting our precious oxygen. Tšolo cannot and will never be the smartest man from Mafeteng yet he has staggered his way into several parliaments.

Where is Muckraker going with this?

Well, the events in parliament last week have proved that we have allowed ourselves to be led by morons. Their only job in this tenth parliament was to pass the reforms. Yet they spent their time clobbering each other and clambering tables over trivial issues. Some of them even groped each other.

15 minutes before parliament was dissolved they suddenly remembered that they had reforms to pass. Now they are telling us that they ran out of time as if they started working on the reforms two weeks ago.

Our problem is not that we are a poor country. No. It is not that we are in the belly of South Africa. No. We simply lack leadership. We lack leadership because we vote nincompoops into leadership.

We then pretend to be shocked when they pee in the village well. We deserve the embarrassment and shame we are enduring.

Nka! Ichuuuuuuuuuuu!

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The not so noble Ashraf



English has never been our mother. It abandons us in times of trouble, especially when cornered. The best time to judge a person’s eloquence in English is when they are in distress. Walim Ashraf, the man accused of stealing M7.4 million, lost his English bundles last week when he was caught in a blue lie.

His bail hearing was going well until a DCEO investigator told the prosecutor that he was emitting lies with a straight face. He had told the court that his three children and wife were in South Africa. He even added that children were schooling in South Africa. That sounded plausible and the court appeared to have taken his word for it until the prosecutor announced that his wife and three children were in fact in India. Bingo!

Caught in the lie, Ashraf mumbled an apology before telling the court that “it was a slip of the tongue”.
In other words, his tongue has slipped and called South Africa India.

At that moment, Ashraf believed that claiming that your family is in South Africa when they are in India is a “slip of the tongue”.

The phrase he was looking for is: “I am a pathetic liar”. A slip of the tongue is a minor mistake in speech, not a fictitious relocation of your family from India to South Africa. Muckraker will not pass judgement on his charges.

Suffice to say Ashraf is an Arabic name meaning ‘most honourable one’ or ‘very noble’. Tongues that claim to have slipped when they are lying are not so noble.

Nka! Ichuuuuuuuuuuuu

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Its squeaky bum time



Uncle Sam and his leadership should not be surprised that the opposition is now grabbing them by the collar. They played into the government’s hands by making hasty and emotional decisions.

The suspension of the three MPs has now triggered a backlash that might topple the government.
The opposition is smelling blood and getting ready to pounce.

Even if Uncle Sam’s government survives the next storm, the opposition will keep coming. They are possessed by the spirit of destruction.
The next few years will be tsunami after tsunami.
Nothing motivates a politician more than the prospect of finishing off a wounded opponent.
Muckraker is tempted to say the RFP still has a chance to regroup and fight from one corner but that would be false. The trust has been broken and the wounds are too deep.

Those who have been suspended want revenge. Mediation is a waste of time. Nothing is ever forgiven and forgotten in politics.
Muckraker’s humble advice to Uncle Sam and his people is that they should stock up on painkillers because there are more pounding headaches on the way.
Keep some pills at home, office, office toilet, back pocket, handbag, wallet and even bra.

Mapesela will not rest until he is back in government and proudly messing up things.
He is beating war drums.
Uncle Sam and his people had better learn to play dirty because this is a rough game. Bones will be broken and bodies bruised.

Nka! Ichuuuuuuuuuuuu

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Rough riders



Spare a prayer for Uncle Sam as he walks on the glowing coals that is Lesotho’s politics. Call your prophets, fake and real, because the demons of Lesotho’s politics are at the gates.

Bring both fire and water because these are not Mickey Mouse demons. Leave the pigs out of this one, I beg. We still need fariki after exorcising the evil spirits. As usual, you need the powers of a potent wizard to decipher why the opposition is gathering wood for a pyre to burn both the government and its leader. That it’s such a hotchpotch betrays the fact that the reasons are contrived rather than real.

Even if they are real, none of them justifies toppling a government so soon.
And none of the opposition leaders could claim, without the usual dose of embellishment, that the so-called ‘reasons’ have come from the people. There is no scale to weigh the people’s disgust at Uncle Sam and his people.

There is no reason to pretend that those plotting to whip Uncle Sam out of office are doing it for the people who voted less than a year ago. This is just another group of excitable and power-mongering zealots cooking up reasons to justify their attempt to instigate a power grab.

You hear from their flawed logic when they exuberantly claim that it is their right to bring a no-confidence vote against the government.
They pull out that trump card even when no one has accused them of any criminality. They do it to sanitise and deodorise their brazen usurpation of the people’s power.
It’s their way of justifying why a group of less than 50 people who lost an election now has both the power and the nerve to topple a government supported by thousands of Basotho. Oops, that’s a lie. This a decision of less than 10 political leaders who are now shopping around for other MPs to support their decision.
Yes, toppling a government in parliament is not illegal. Yes, the opposition can do it. But the pertinent question is whether this is what Basotho want and it’s good for Lesotho.

Who has told the politicians that this is what the people want? Who did they consult, when and how?
Yes, Uncle Sam is fumbling and dithering. Yes, some of his ministers behave like rabbits caught in headlights on the Main North 1 Road. True, some of the appointments stink of nepotism.
But all these are nothing new or outrageous. We have seen worse from the very people now screaming their lungs out. It’s not as if the opposition now has a low tolerance for tosh.

After all, they are the very masters of tosh. This is not about service delivery or some transgressions.
This is about power and resources. Not power to serve Basotho. Not resources to share with Basotho. It is about the power to shove in their armpits while they munch the resources. That is why they keep telling us what Uncle Sam has done wrong instead of saying why they think they will do better.
They are not saying they will screw us softly this time around. No promise to go easy on the looting. Nothing about limiting the number of rats in the granary. They don’t even have the decency to promise to move from F to E.

As far as they are concerned, we just have to stand by and watch while they kick out Uncle Sam and then cheer as they march back to do more of the same. This is the contempt they have for the people. We elect governments that MPs have the power to topple willy-nilly while claiming to be acting on our behalf. We have been screwed before but these are rough riders. Phew!

Nka! Ichuuuuuuuuuuuu

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