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Roasting in misery



Lesotho’s rumour mill was in overdrive this week after someone leaked pictures of Uncle Tom and his sweetheart swallowing sausage and pork.
Uncle Tom looked dapper in a matching short, T-shirt and beret.
His mochesi was also looking neat in a white T-shirt and a black cap.
The first photo showed them roasting meat.

In the second one they were slouched on pool chairs, having obviously loaded their privileged tummies to the brim.
Muckraker could hear the air filling with jealous and envy coming from all corners of the country.

That much was confirmed by the snide comments that accompanied the pictures. Haters created an impression of a couple having a good time while the people starve. Of course, Uncle Tom can afford sausage and pork.
And he wasn’t rubbing it in our faces because he obviously didn’t take that picture and post it on social media.

Here was an old man having a blast with his mochesi and someone snapped them in that moment of bliss.
The vitriol that followed was therefore unwarranted.
What should concern some zealots-cum-loathers is that the couple did not seem worried about the chaos in the country and the ABC.
Clearly the ranting from those who want Uncle Tom out has no effect on the romance. The dogs are barking while the chariot creaks on.
Does that get your goat countrymen?

Well, that is the point. Blame your misery on your unbridled exuberance in June 2017. It was you who was gyrating and screaming your voice hoarse at the ABC rallies. You even prayed for the party to win the election.
You willingly fasted for their victory and now you are being forced to fast for months.

Don’t cry, for this too will come to pass. Find a quiet place to lick your wounds while hoping that something dramatic will happen.
Take heart for this matter is no longer in your hands.
No amount of shrieking on social media, radio and newspapers will change your miserable affairs.

From the way the lovebirds were roasting at the State House, Muckraker is convinced that they have the skill to grill you for a few more months.

Hear, hear, hear!
There is a shameless battalion of MPs sweating and screaming to justify the M500 000 interest-free loans they have been stuffing into their deep pockets for years.
This is despite that the loans have been exposed as nothing but a thieving scheme. That is what they are.

The looting has intensified in recent years as MPs manipulate successive coalition governments to settle their loans.
Their inane argument has always been that they cannot afford to repay their loans after losing their jobs.
The government, which is led by MPs, has repeatedly obliged by paying off the loans. In the past five years the government has paid M75 million for the MPs. The corruption of it all is staggering.

MPs come into parliament and receive M500 000. Parliament collapses after two years when the MPs have repaid less than half of the loans. The government then repays the outstanding portions for them and the MPs are miraculously debt-free.
Once re-elected the same MPs quickly take another M500 000, part of which is repaid by the state when the government collapses midway.
So each collapse of the government is a chance for the MPs to have their loans paid off by the state. An election is an opportunity to get new loans. This cycle of state-sponsored sleaze continues.

What irritates Muckraker is that some MPs are so delusional that they think this robbery is fair.
For years Basotho have been clamouring for an end to this dubious scheme.
In the process some MPs have come back to their senses and can see that this pilfering of state resources is witchcraft.
Size Two is now saying MPs should repay their loans even if the government collapses. That is how it should be.

It’s just that he is speaking out M75 million later. Still, it’s instructive that he has awakened to the deception that benefited him and his comrades.
It’s never too late to repent. There comes a time when the conscience wins the battle against greed and selfishness.
We welcome Size Two from the den of thieves. We just hope he doesn’t backslide. But there are some MPs who will fight to death to keep their hands in the cookie jar.

The same cannot be said about Fako Moshoeshoe, the ABC MP who wants to keep his calloused hands in the cookie jar. He says the loans should continue because our MPs are paid far less than their peers in the region. His reasoning here is skewed for several reasons.
First, Lesotho’s economy is the smallest in the region. Second, not a single salary in this government is benchmarked according to the regional scales. Third, Fako is not working for the region but little Lesotho.
His salary is paid by Lesotho, not the region.

Fourth, Fako has never screamed about other employees being paid less than their peers in the region.
His attempt to evoke the “region” is meant to justify the thievery that has been happening in parliament for years.
Fako and his comrades should work in the “region” if Lesotho is not paying them well.
An MP’s salary is a function of what a country can afford, not what the MP thinks they are worth.

Fako should not pretend to be smart by talking about regional salaries. He was a soldier in Lesotho and earned far less than other soldiers in the region.
As a farmer, he is not as rich as those across the border.
So he must just zip it.

But there is a much more compelling reason why Fako’s “regional” argument should be dismissed as delusional.
MPs are elected, not hired. He wasn’t invited to be an MP.
There was no interview to test his acumen and competence.
Anyone can do his job. There is no special skill required.
Even Sarah, the donkey, can be an MP.

If any MP thinks they are special then they just have to quit their job and see if that job will be vacant for more than a month.
There is no shortage of politicians in this country.
And given the tomfoolery in parliament, it is clear that any one and anything can be an MP. A scarecrow could do just fine as an MP.

We could have a baboon in Fako’s position and debates could go on.
In any case, Muckraker thinks a baboon will do a much better job than most MPs. Baboons are agile and innovative. The same cannot be said for most of our MPs who are indolent dimwits.
We should not be paying for such tosh. Never!

Nka! Ichuuuuuuuuuuu!

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Let them take korobela



Nqosa Mahao has pulled a fast one on his opposition comrades to join Uncle Sam’s government. Muckraker suspected the bromance among the opposition leaders would end in tears but never expected Mahao to do the betraying. The lesson is that there is no honour among politicians and everyone has a price. The BAP’s price is two cabinet seats and some morsels to be flung its way here and there.
The opposition is furious at Mahao for stringing them along for three weeks while Uncle Sam whispered sweet little things in his ears.

They say Mahao attended their nocturnal meetings to plot Uncle Sam’s demise but was busy with a plan to get himself a mok’huk’hu in the government.
Their screams of anger are hypocritical. They too would have been charmed for the right price. Mahao just happened to have yielded earlier than them. None of them can claim that they were not approached by the RFP or its dealmakers.

No one could claim that they refused the RFP’s marriage proposal because they differed on ideology and principle. The only sticking issue was what was offered and what they thought their support was worthy. So let’s bin the hypocrisy and confirm that some of them overreached and overestimated their value by holding out for more spoils. It’s not their business if Mahao sold himself too cheap.

He was smart enough to understand that the market of political support was already flooded. That is being pragmatic.
In the end, it was a simple matter of demand and supply. Uncle Sam played the game well by lodging a scarecrow of a court case to delay the vote of no confidence to buy himself time. That blindsided the opposition leaders and allowed Uncle Sam to counterattack.

So while Lehata was laughing like a hyena in parliament and the opposition congregated at the BNP Centre for drinks Uncle Sam was cooking some delicious dish across town. It was only a matter of time before the aroma reached the politicians’ noses.

So while they were claiming to be united most of them were busy receiving calls to hear what was on the menu. It was a buffet of embassies and cabinet seats. The desserts were deputy minister positions and some small jobs for hungry supporters. The only problem with some of the opposition leaders was that they wanted to eat the whole buffet, including Uncle Sam’s portion.

Meanwhile, Uncle Sam was busy gauging what was enough to satiate the hungriest among the opposition leaders. In the end, he knew he didn’t have to part with much to get the deal and the numbers he wanted. Some politicians are saying Mahao could have asked for more because Uncle Sam was desperate and cornered. Not true!

Your tomatoes do not cost more simply because you worked hard to produce them or you think they are special. It’s the market that decides.
To get more for them you should get the timing right. The same applies to political support. Uncle Sam knew the market of political support would be oversupplied if he waited a few days before buying.

By the time he came to the market the available political support was about to rot and everyone was willing to sell at a huge discount. This is common sense but some opposition leaders want to pretend Mahao ambushed them by selling fast.

Muckraker suggests that next time they plot against Uncle Sam, the opposition leaders should visit a sangoma to give them all a huge dose of korobela so that none is tempted to find another lover. The best love portion comes from the North of us. Mwa, mwa, mwa!

Nka! Ichuuuuuuuuuuuu

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How to share a stolen goat



Those who think Uncle Sam is now safe from the barbarians at the gates are naïve. Mahao’s defection is a temporary setback from which the opposition leaders are plotting to recover.
They are coming because Uncle Sam is holding something they cannot live without: power.
And they will not rest until they get it. Those who believe this fight is based on principle and ideology are unmitigated dimwits. Their claim that Uncle Sam’s government has failed is just a cover to justify their plot. They know they would not do a better job.

Everyone knows that because they have seen their epic bungling when they had a chance to rule.
The notoriety of their thievery, corruption, deliberate mismanagement and nepotism precedes them. They say Uncle Sam has failed to implement his party’s campaign promises but forget that some of them failed several times. If this was about ideology and principle it would reflect in the negotiations for coalitions. In countries where politicians still have morsels of self-respect and specks of shame, such negotiations would be dominated by ideological and policy considerations.

Political parties try to find some common ground on fundamental issues like the economy, education, climate change, trade and foreign policy.
Our rascals here talk about ministerial and diplomatic positions as if they are sharing a stolen goat; I want the head, give me likahare.

My ancestors said I should always eat the testicles. Give me the liver, I don’t have teeth. The heart is my favourite. In a way, our government is like a stolen goat being shared by thieves. Ba ja maleo.

It’s a fat goat stolen from Basotho. The politicians will eat it and not leave even the skin for Basotho to make a mat to lay on when hungry. The thieves are eating while the people watch.

Yet we people never tire to give the politicians the permission to rob and pee on them.
It’s tempting to say we deserve it but no one, not even the Devil, deserves the politicians we have in this country. Some say there is hell somewhere. Muckraker says we are already in a hell of some sort created by our politicians. We are being roasted slowly by politicians and they will never stop.

Does that make you feel depressed and hopeless? Well, you are not alone. There are worse places on this earth. Does that mean we should accept tosh because there is worse tosh in other places?
Well, it’s your choice.

Muckraker wishes you a wet weekend. Let’s hope Uncle Sam throws us a party to celebrate his great escape. You marched for him, didn’t you?
A beer is what you deserve for sweating from Maseru Mall to parliament.

Nka! Ichuuuuuuuuuuuu

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Give Lehata a Bell’s



Mootsi Lehata behaved like a clown in parliament last week. Laughing like he was in a shebeen. Spewing insults as if someone had stolen his goats. He even used the ‘F’ word on Lejone Mpotjoane.
“Moshanyana enoa a se ke a ntella. Se ke oa ntella sonny, f**k you,” he said in response to Mpotjoane. Muckraker doesn’t know Mpotjoane to be a moshanyana. What she knows is what Lehata did to a ngoanana a few years ago.

The girl dropped the rape case on the condition that Lehata builds her a house and pays for the child’s upkeep. So ke eena ea tellang molao. Some might say it’s water under the bridge but Muckraker doesn’t forgive. Never!

For now, we should talk about his monkeyshines in parliament. He looked high on something. Lehata can however deny it. He can say he was shaking because he had spent sleepless nights plotting to topple Uncle Sam. He can claim he was shaking with excitement at the prospect of becoming a minister again. If that doesn’t cut it he can say wasn’t drunk but just suffering from a hangover.

That might work because he could say those who say he was drunk on that Monday should have seen him on Sunday. He could claim he was still suffering the effects of knocking down several bottles taller than him.
But whatever happens, no one can prove that he was high.

Yes, a test could have revealed that he had blood in his alcohol but that is now beside the point because it didn’t happen. In any case, Muckraker has seen worse things in parliament. Remember how some MPs spanked each other a few years ago?

Chairs and bins were given wings. An MP was once captured on camera groping another.
As for insults, worse things have been said. Some of the MPs don’t need to be insulted to feel humiliated. Imagine how it feels to be an LCD MP.
You see it in their faces that they are beating themselves.

No wonder they are not even mentioned as part of the opposition. They are not in opposition, not government and not in the crossbench. They are there, somewhere there.

Muckraker would not sleep well if she ended these musings without mentioning one small thing. During the debate on Lehata’s tomfoolery, one opposition MP said the Speaker should protect MPs so that their images are not manipulated to tarnish their reputation. Yeah, right!

You must have a reputation first for it to be tarnished. Muckraker and 98.9 percent of Basotho know 99 percent of our MPs to be freeloading, greedy and power-hungry charlatans.
That is their reputation. Those who say our MPs are honest and hardworking are tarnishing that sterling reputation.

Nka! Ichuuuuuuuuuuuu

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