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Sweet love letters



Muckraker has always known that Sister Nthati Moorosi, the RFP’s secretary general, has a wicked sense of humour. She is a jolly sister if you get to know her.

That is why Muckraker was not surprised by the humour in the suspension letters she handed to Makhalanyane and Phamotse. She opens the suspension missives by saying “I hope this letter finds you well”.

A few hours earlier, the recipients had just attended a disciplinary hearing ‘in DRC’ to decide their fate in the party. It is not clear where the sister found the ‘hope’ that the letters announcing the six-year suspension would find anyone “well”.

But even if they were still well after the disciplinary hearings, Sister Nthati knew they would not be ‘well’ after reading their letters.

Nthati’s letter reminded Muckraker of the many she received from boys who were courting her.

They would always start with some polite greetings before sinking a knife into her young heart.

One boy said tears were welling in his eyes as he wrote to Muck. Bloody liar!

There is no way that frightfully dull rascal could have written such a lucid letter.

Muckraker took the letter to the VIP and kissed his friend a few days later.

No need to guess who spread the nasty rumour about his stinking breath a few weeks later.

After listing the eight things the MPs should not do during their suspension, Sister Nthati tells them not to hesitate to call the leadership if they have “any questions or require further clarification”.

You could see that Sister Nthati was just being polite after delivering a crushing blow. Makhalanyane and Phamotse didn’t have questions or want further clarification because it was clear that the RFP wanted the MPs buried for good.

Sister Nthati’s letter found them already unwell and probably made them violently ill. They have now rushed to the High Court for help.

Muckraker doesn’t believe any judge will accept the terms of those suspension letters as fair.

The RFP might have however set in motion a process that might lead to ruination.

It might not be instant but the seeds have been sown.

The two MPs have nothing much to lose. They remain MPs earning their salaries and perks.

And that has always been their ultimate goal. It’s about a job.

The RFP was just a strong horse on which they rode to parliament.

They are challenging their suspension because they can. But nothing substantial changes if they lose.

Their victory will however have repercussions for the RFP. The MPs remain members of the party and continue to pull the middle finger at the leadership.

The RFP would have set a precedent of making unconstitutional decisions. Its DRC would be exposed as not only inept but also incapable of interpreting the party’s constitution.

The fear factor will be gone and everyone will be free to pee in the village well while the elders watch helplessly.

Soon there will be thicker things in the village well. The RFP leadership had better have strong tummies because their well is about to be a sewage pond. Let the games begin.

Nka! Ichuuuuuuuuuuuu


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The not so noble Ashraf



English has never been our mother. It abandons us in times of trouble, especially when cornered. The best time to judge a person’s eloquence in English is when they are in distress. Walim Ashraf, the man accused of stealing M7.4 million, lost his English bundles last week when he was caught in a blue lie.

His bail hearing was going well until a DCEO investigator told the prosecutor that he was emitting lies with a straight face. He had told the court that his three children and wife were in South Africa. He even added that children were schooling in South Africa. That sounded plausible and the court appeared to have taken his word for it until the prosecutor announced that his wife and three children were in fact in India. Bingo!

Caught in the lie, Ashraf mumbled an apology before telling the court that “it was a slip of the tongue”.
In other words, his tongue has slipped and called South Africa India.

At that moment, Ashraf believed that claiming that your family is in South Africa when they are in India is a “slip of the tongue”.

The phrase he was looking for is: “I am a pathetic liar”. A slip of the tongue is a minor mistake in speech, not a fictitious relocation of your family from India to South Africa. Muckraker will not pass judgement on his charges.

Suffice to say Ashraf is an Arabic name meaning ‘most honourable one’ or ‘very noble’. Tongues that claim to have slipped when they are lying are not so noble.

Nka! Ichuuuuuuuuuuuu

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Its squeaky bum time



Uncle Sam and his leadership should not be surprised that the opposition is now grabbing them by the collar. They played into the government’s hands by making hasty and emotional decisions.

The suspension of the three MPs has now triggered a backlash that might topple the government.
The opposition is smelling blood and getting ready to pounce.

Even if Uncle Sam’s government survives the next storm, the opposition will keep coming. They are possessed by the spirit of destruction.
The next few years will be tsunami after tsunami.
Nothing motivates a politician more than the prospect of finishing off a wounded opponent.
Muckraker is tempted to say the RFP still has a chance to regroup and fight from one corner but that would be false. The trust has been broken and the wounds are too deep.

Those who have been suspended want revenge. Mediation is a waste of time. Nothing is ever forgiven and forgotten in politics.
Muckraker’s humble advice to Uncle Sam and his people is that they should stock up on painkillers because there are more pounding headaches on the way.
Keep some pills at home, office, office toilet, back pocket, handbag, wallet and even bra.

Mapesela will not rest until he is back in government and proudly messing up things.
He is beating war drums.
Uncle Sam and his people had better learn to play dirty because this is a rough game. Bones will be broken and bodies bruised.

Nka! Ichuuuuuuuuuuuu

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Rough riders



Spare a prayer for Uncle Sam as he walks on the glowing coals that is Lesotho’s politics. Call your prophets, fake and real, because the demons of Lesotho’s politics are at the gates.

Bring both fire and water because these are not Mickey Mouse demons. Leave the pigs out of this one, I beg. We still need fariki after exorcising the evil spirits. As usual, you need the powers of a potent wizard to decipher why the opposition is gathering wood for a pyre to burn both the government and its leader. That it’s such a hotchpotch betrays the fact that the reasons are contrived rather than real.

Even if they are real, none of them justifies toppling a government so soon.
And none of the opposition leaders could claim, without the usual dose of embellishment, that the so-called ‘reasons’ have come from the people. There is no scale to weigh the people’s disgust at Uncle Sam and his people.

There is no reason to pretend that those plotting to whip Uncle Sam out of office are doing it for the people who voted less than a year ago. This is just another group of excitable and power-mongering zealots cooking up reasons to justify their attempt to instigate a power grab.

You hear from their flawed logic when they exuberantly claim that it is their right to bring a no-confidence vote against the government.
They pull out that trump card even when no one has accused them of any criminality. They do it to sanitise and deodorise their brazen usurpation of the people’s power.
It’s their way of justifying why a group of less than 50 people who lost an election now has both the power and the nerve to topple a government supported by thousands of Basotho. Oops, that’s a lie. This a decision of less than 10 political leaders who are now shopping around for other MPs to support their decision.
Yes, toppling a government in parliament is not illegal. Yes, the opposition can do it. But the pertinent question is whether this is what Basotho want and it’s good for Lesotho.

Who has told the politicians that this is what the people want? Who did they consult, when and how?
Yes, Uncle Sam is fumbling and dithering. Yes, some of his ministers behave like rabbits caught in headlights on the Main North 1 Road. True, some of the appointments stink of nepotism.
But all these are nothing new or outrageous. We have seen worse from the very people now screaming their lungs out. It’s not as if the opposition now has a low tolerance for tosh.

After all, they are the very masters of tosh. This is not about service delivery or some transgressions.
This is about power and resources. Not power to serve Basotho. Not resources to share with Basotho. It is about the power to shove in their armpits while they munch the resources. That is why they keep telling us what Uncle Sam has done wrong instead of saying why they think they will do better.
They are not saying they will screw us softly this time around. No promise to go easy on the looting. Nothing about limiting the number of rats in the granary. They don’t even have the decency to promise to move from F to E.

As far as they are concerned, we just have to stand by and watch while they kick out Uncle Sam and then cheer as they march back to do more of the same. This is the contempt they have for the people. We elect governments that MPs have the power to topple willy-nilly while claiming to be acting on our behalf. We have been screwed before but these are rough riders. Phew!

Nka! Ichuuuuuuuuuuuu

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