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The father of flat jokes

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Here is a joke. What do you call an overrated lawyer who always threatens to quit a job he desperately needs?
A Shaun Abrahams. Hahahahahahahahahahahaha.

If that doesn’t sound humorous you should ask why Abrahams insists on telling that joke every time he wants the government to cough up some money.
Whoever told Abrahams he is funny will not see heaven. The man has been cracking the same joke for years. He has told it so frequently that he is now the joke. You know it’s coming.

He tried the same joke again last week when he threatened to quit his so-called high-profile cases again.
This time he spiced it up by alleging that his relations with the DPP Hlalefang Motinyane is “irretrievably broken” and faking outrage over some ethical issues.
Yet no matter how much flavour he added, it remained brazenly clear that this was the same old and stale joke. All that whining was meant to pressure the government to pay him.

As usual, the DPP, who is also another joke, could not resist joining the circus.
She told the court this week that Abrahams should calm down because his payment is being processed. Abrahams’ bank account will be nourished by the end of next week and he will be smiling from ear to ear. Of course, he will surely be back with the same joke in a few months and the DPP will eagerly join his show.

Their “irretrievably broken” relationship is always fixed by money. The DPP knows Abrahams becomes moody when he is hungry and broke. She will enjoy his tantrums for days before pacifying him with some Rands.
Once fed, Abrahams will pretend to be prosecuting the cases again. It’s a predictable charade. Muckraker suspects the DPP knows what every lawyer in this country knows.

It is an open secret that Abrahams doesn’t have many job options. It’s not as if anyone is clamouring for his services.
The so-called high-profile cases are his bread, butter, motoho and makoenya. Lesotho is his Canaan, the land of milk and honey.
It is a notorious fact, known to even a stray katse in Motiposo, that he has no other job that pays as well as the high profile cases in Lesotho.

He knows he will keep milking it because Lesotho’s legal system has ample space for lawyers to play silly games to drag cases for years while they line their pockets.
None of his five cases would have lasted more than three weeks in any other country. Abrahams is a beneficiary of the chaos in our courts.
This is his circus and he is a handsomely paid clown.

In the meantime, Advocate Motene Rafoneke should cling to Abrahams’ coat tails if he wants to be paid because this government hates paying dark lawyers.
For evidence, he should ask his neighbour Advocate Molati who has been struggling to get his slave pro bono wages for months. Abrahams would not be getting paid if he had a totem.

Nka! Ichuuuuuuuuuuuu

muckracker.post@gmail.com

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Muckraker

The not so noble Ashraf

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English has never been our mother. It abandons us in times of trouble, especially when cornered. The best time to judge a person’s eloquence in English is when they are in distress. Walim Ashraf, the man accused of stealing M7.4 million, lost his English bundles last week when he was caught in a blue lie.

His bail hearing was going well until a DCEO investigator told the prosecutor that he was emitting lies with a straight face. He had told the court that his three children and wife were in South Africa. He even added that children were schooling in South Africa. That sounded plausible and the court appeared to have taken his word for it until the prosecutor announced that his wife and three children were in fact in India. Bingo!

Caught in the lie, Ashraf mumbled an apology before telling the court that “it was a slip of the tongue”.
In other words, his tongue has slipped and called South Africa India.

At that moment, Ashraf believed that claiming that your family is in South Africa when they are in India is a “slip of the tongue”.

The phrase he was looking for is: “I am a pathetic liar”. A slip of the tongue is a minor mistake in speech, not a fictitious relocation of your family from India to South Africa. Muckraker will not pass judgement on his charges.

Suffice to say Ashraf is an Arabic name meaning ‘most honourable one’ or ‘very noble’. Tongues that claim to have slipped when they are lying are not so noble.

Nka! Ichuuuuuuuuuuuu

muckracker.post@gmail.com

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Muckraker

Its squeaky bum time

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Uncle Sam and his leadership should not be surprised that the opposition is now grabbing them by the collar. They played into the government’s hands by making hasty and emotional decisions.

The suspension of the three MPs has now triggered a backlash that might topple the government.
The opposition is smelling blood and getting ready to pounce.

Even if Uncle Sam’s government survives the next storm, the opposition will keep coming. They are possessed by the spirit of destruction.
The next few years will be tsunami after tsunami.
Nothing motivates a politician more than the prospect of finishing off a wounded opponent.
Muckraker is tempted to say the RFP still has a chance to regroup and fight from one corner but that would be false. The trust has been broken and the wounds are too deep.

Those who have been suspended want revenge. Mediation is a waste of time. Nothing is ever forgiven and forgotten in politics.
Muckraker’s humble advice to Uncle Sam and his people is that they should stock up on painkillers because there are more pounding headaches on the way.
Keep some pills at home, office, office toilet, back pocket, handbag, wallet and even bra.

Mapesela will not rest until he is back in government and proudly messing up things.
He is beating war drums.
Uncle Sam and his people had better learn to play dirty because this is a rough game. Bones will be broken and bodies bruised.

Nka! Ichuuuuuuuuuuuu

muckracker.post@gmail.com

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Muckraker

Rough riders

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Spare a prayer for Uncle Sam as he walks on the glowing coals that is Lesotho’s politics. Call your prophets, fake and real, because the demons of Lesotho’s politics are at the gates.

Bring both fire and water because these are not Mickey Mouse demons. Leave the pigs out of this one, I beg. We still need fariki after exorcising the evil spirits. As usual, you need the powers of a potent wizard to decipher why the opposition is gathering wood for a pyre to burn both the government and its leader. That it’s such a hotchpotch betrays the fact that the reasons are contrived rather than real.

Even if they are real, none of them justifies toppling a government so soon.
And none of the opposition leaders could claim, without the usual dose of embellishment, that the so-called ‘reasons’ have come from the people. There is no scale to weigh the people’s disgust at Uncle Sam and his people.

There is no reason to pretend that those plotting to whip Uncle Sam out of office are doing it for the people who voted less than a year ago. This is just another group of excitable and power-mongering zealots cooking up reasons to justify their attempt to instigate a power grab.

You hear from their flawed logic when they exuberantly claim that it is their right to bring a no-confidence vote against the government.
They pull out that trump card even when no one has accused them of any criminality. They do it to sanitise and deodorise their brazen usurpation of the people’s power.
It’s their way of justifying why a group of less than 50 people who lost an election now has both the power and the nerve to topple a government supported by thousands of Basotho. Oops, that’s a lie. This a decision of less than 10 political leaders who are now shopping around for other MPs to support their decision.
Yes, toppling a government in parliament is not illegal. Yes, the opposition can do it. But the pertinent question is whether this is what Basotho want and it’s good for Lesotho.

Who has told the politicians that this is what the people want? Who did they consult, when and how?
Yes, Uncle Sam is fumbling and dithering. Yes, some of his ministers behave like rabbits caught in headlights on the Main North 1 Road. True, some of the appointments stink of nepotism.
But all these are nothing new or outrageous. We have seen worse from the very people now screaming their lungs out. It’s not as if the opposition now has a low tolerance for tosh.

After all, they are the very masters of tosh. This is not about service delivery or some transgressions.
This is about power and resources. Not power to serve Basotho. Not resources to share with Basotho. It is about the power to shove in their armpits while they munch the resources. That is why they keep telling us what Uncle Sam has done wrong instead of saying why they think they will do better.
They are not saying they will screw us softly this time around. No promise to go easy on the looting. Nothing about limiting the number of rats in the granary. They don’t even have the decency to promise to move from F to E.

As far as they are concerned, we just have to stand by and watch while they kick out Uncle Sam and then cheer as they march back to do more of the same. This is the contempt they have for the people. We elect governments that MPs have the power to topple willy-nilly while claiming to be acting on our behalf. We have been screwed before but these are rough riders. Phew!

Nka! Ichuuuuuuuuuuuu

muckracker.post@gmail.com

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