Connect with us


The RFP’s Super 11



MUCKRAKER is always reluctant to ‘say I told you so’ when misfortune befalls on those who reject her two cents and her words come to pass.

She is not that gloating auntie who derives pleasure from being vindicated.

But there are times when she cannot resist a few jabs on heads that disobey their ears.

The Revolution for Prosperity (RFP) has just confirmed that it’s a hotchpotch of elites thoroughly convinced that they are Messiahs for Lesotho’s great unwashed.

The cabal thinks the peasants and waged are nothing but tickets to political office.

Don’t scream. Don’t snare. Don’t fume. Listen.

The helicopter party has just announced that it is reserving eleven constituencies for its 11 founding members. So the party’s Super 11 will go to the ballot without being subjected to primary elections.

Those who think this is an injustice worth some shabby placards and vigorous picketing at the party’s offices can go and hang on tomato trees.

The leadership doesn’t want to soil itself by diving into the cesspool that is primary elections.

It has spoken and its word will be obeyed. Their way or the highway.

All of which is to endorse the notorious fact that the RFP is their thing.

The message is clear: if that gets your blood boiling you can form your own party and see if anyone will call you ‘Ngamola’.

Ha u na chopper, ha u na chelete. Ha u na ntja. You are just you, your nose, mouth and nails. Perhaps a blanket. Thola!

The leadership says the idea is to make sure the Fantastic 11 gets into parliament.

Yeh, right! Up-side-down goes the logic of those who think they are smarter than everyone.

The truth is that the Fantastic 11 believe, with every fibre in their beings, that they are above the riffraff.

They don’t want a popularity contest with the poor members of their party because they are not their equals. They know the popularity they claim to have in their constituencies only exists in their heads. It’s a figment of their imagination. The hallucinations of people who don’t use a fatuku to clean their hands. The kind that doesn’t eat at funerals.

Their fear of being embarrassed by villagers in primaries is palpable. Imagine the leader being walloped by a general dealership shop owner.

The stunner who used to run our courts clobbered by a molisana.

The ravishing one who once managed our money bested by a rural teacher.

The former government secretary and minister shown flames by a retired miner.

They know that their money and schooling are not enough to win them the primary elections.

Some members are shedding crimson tears, moaning that the decision is undemocratic.

Yet it is, but there is nothing you can do about it.

You don’t invite yourself into someone’s home and seek to dictate how they should manage it.
My project, my rules.

Muckraker warned them about this reality but they said she was either bitter or high on something illegal. Some malicious fellows said she was speaking like someone had grabbed her big toe.

They didn’t realise that it is they who were drunk with false hope while thinking that clutching on the cocktails of the rich will cure them of poverty.

Now they are farting the gases of tummies full of unfulfilled expectations.

Braaaaaa. Bruuuuuuu. Nasty C, one of Muckraker’s favourites, you played yourself.

This thing is not yours, never was and will never be.

That’s the unadulterated truth. Now, swallow the lump in your throat and follow the leader.

And one last thing: The RFP didn’t invent this game. All parties in Lesotho protect their leadership from internal polls.
The RFP has just been transparent, arrogant and brazen about it.

Nka! Ichuuuuuuuuuuu!


Continue Reading


Let them take korobela



Nqosa Mahao has pulled a fast one on his opposition comrades to join Uncle Sam’s government. Muckraker suspected the bromance among the opposition leaders would end in tears but never expected Mahao to do the betraying. The lesson is that there is no honour among politicians and everyone has a price. The BAP’s price is two cabinet seats and some morsels to be flung its way here and there.
The opposition is furious at Mahao for stringing them along for three weeks while Uncle Sam whispered sweet little things in his ears.

They say Mahao attended their nocturnal meetings to plot Uncle Sam’s demise but was busy with a plan to get himself a mok’huk’hu in the government.
Their screams of anger are hypocritical. They too would have been charmed for the right price. Mahao just happened to have yielded earlier than them. None of them can claim that they were not approached by the RFP or its dealmakers.

No one could claim that they refused the RFP’s marriage proposal because they differed on ideology and principle. The only sticking issue was what was offered and what they thought their support was worthy. So let’s bin the hypocrisy and confirm that some of them overreached and overestimated their value by holding out for more spoils. It’s not their business if Mahao sold himself too cheap.

He was smart enough to understand that the market of political support was already flooded. That is being pragmatic.
In the end, it was a simple matter of demand and supply. Uncle Sam played the game well by lodging a scarecrow of a court case to delay the vote of no confidence to buy himself time. That blindsided the opposition leaders and allowed Uncle Sam to counterattack.

So while Lehata was laughing like a hyena in parliament and the opposition congregated at the BNP Centre for drinks Uncle Sam was cooking some delicious dish across town. It was only a matter of time before the aroma reached the politicians’ noses.

So while they were claiming to be united most of them were busy receiving calls to hear what was on the menu. It was a buffet of embassies and cabinet seats. The desserts were deputy minister positions and some small jobs for hungry supporters. The only problem with some of the opposition leaders was that they wanted to eat the whole buffet, including Uncle Sam’s portion.

Meanwhile, Uncle Sam was busy gauging what was enough to satiate the hungriest among the opposition leaders. In the end, he knew he didn’t have to part with much to get the deal and the numbers he wanted. Some politicians are saying Mahao could have asked for more because Uncle Sam was desperate and cornered. Not true!

Your tomatoes do not cost more simply because you worked hard to produce them or you think they are special. It’s the market that decides.
To get more for them you should get the timing right. The same applies to political support. Uncle Sam knew the market of political support would be oversupplied if he waited a few days before buying.

By the time he came to the market the available political support was about to rot and everyone was willing to sell at a huge discount. This is common sense but some opposition leaders want to pretend Mahao ambushed them by selling fast.

Muckraker suggests that next time they plot against Uncle Sam, the opposition leaders should visit a sangoma to give them all a huge dose of korobela so that none is tempted to find another lover. The best love portion comes from the North of us. Mwa, mwa, mwa!

Nka! Ichuuuuuuuuuuuu

Continue Reading


How to share a stolen goat



Those who think Uncle Sam is now safe from the barbarians at the gates are naïve. Mahao’s defection is a temporary setback from which the opposition leaders are plotting to recover.
They are coming because Uncle Sam is holding something they cannot live without: power.
And they will not rest until they get it. Those who believe this fight is based on principle and ideology are unmitigated dimwits. Their claim that Uncle Sam’s government has failed is just a cover to justify their plot. They know they would not do a better job.

Everyone knows that because they have seen their epic bungling when they had a chance to rule.
The notoriety of their thievery, corruption, deliberate mismanagement and nepotism precedes them. They say Uncle Sam has failed to implement his party’s campaign promises but forget that some of them failed several times. If this was about ideology and principle it would reflect in the negotiations for coalitions. In countries where politicians still have morsels of self-respect and specks of shame, such negotiations would be dominated by ideological and policy considerations.

Political parties try to find some common ground on fundamental issues like the economy, education, climate change, trade and foreign policy.
Our rascals here talk about ministerial and diplomatic positions as if they are sharing a stolen goat; I want the head, give me likahare.

My ancestors said I should always eat the testicles. Give me the liver, I don’t have teeth. The heart is my favourite. In a way, our government is like a stolen goat being shared by thieves. Ba ja maleo.

It’s a fat goat stolen from Basotho. The politicians will eat it and not leave even the skin for Basotho to make a mat to lay on when hungry. The thieves are eating while the people watch.

Yet we people never tire to give the politicians the permission to rob and pee on them.
It’s tempting to say we deserve it but no one, not even the Devil, deserves the politicians we have in this country. Some say there is hell somewhere. Muckraker says we are already in a hell of some sort created by our politicians. We are being roasted slowly by politicians and they will never stop.

Does that make you feel depressed and hopeless? Well, you are not alone. There are worse places on this earth. Does that mean we should accept tosh because there is worse tosh in other places?
Well, it’s your choice.

Muckraker wishes you a wet weekend. Let’s hope Uncle Sam throws us a party to celebrate his great escape. You marched for him, didn’t you?
A beer is what you deserve for sweating from Maseru Mall to parliament.

Nka! Ichuuuuuuuuuuuu

Continue Reading


Give Lehata a Bell’s



Mootsi Lehata behaved like a clown in parliament last week. Laughing like he was in a shebeen. Spewing insults as if someone had stolen his goats. He even used the ‘F’ word on Lejone Mpotjoane.
“Moshanyana enoa a se ke a ntella. Se ke oa ntella sonny, f**k you,” he said in response to Mpotjoane. Muckraker doesn’t know Mpotjoane to be a moshanyana. What she knows is what Lehata did to a ngoanana a few years ago.

The girl dropped the rape case on the condition that Lehata builds her a house and pays for the child’s upkeep. So ke eena ea tellang molao. Some might say it’s water under the bridge but Muckraker doesn’t forgive. Never!

For now, we should talk about his monkeyshines in parliament. He looked high on something. Lehata can however deny it. He can say he was shaking because he had spent sleepless nights plotting to topple Uncle Sam. He can claim he was shaking with excitement at the prospect of becoming a minister again. If that doesn’t cut it he can say wasn’t drunk but just suffering from a hangover.

That might work because he could say those who say he was drunk on that Monday should have seen him on Sunday. He could claim he was still suffering the effects of knocking down several bottles taller than him.
But whatever happens, no one can prove that he was high.

Yes, a test could have revealed that he had blood in his alcohol but that is now beside the point because it didn’t happen. In any case, Muckraker has seen worse things in parliament. Remember how some MPs spanked each other a few years ago?

Chairs and bins were given wings. An MP was once captured on camera groping another.
As for insults, worse things have been said. Some of the MPs don’t need to be insulted to feel humiliated. Imagine how it feels to be an LCD MP.
You see it in their faces that they are beating themselves.

No wonder they are not even mentioned as part of the opposition. They are not in opposition, not government and not in the crossbench. They are there, somewhere there.

Muckraker would not sleep well if she ended these musings without mentioning one small thing. During the debate on Lehata’s tomfoolery, one opposition MP said the Speaker should protect MPs so that their images are not manipulated to tarnish their reputation. Yeah, right!

You must have a reputation first for it to be tarnished. Muckraker and 98.9 percent of Basotho know 99 percent of our MPs to be freeloading, greedy and power-hungry charlatans.
That is their reputation. Those who say our MPs are honest and hardworking are tarnishing that sterling reputation.

Nka! Ichuuuuuuuuuuuu

Continue Reading