Connect with us

Muckraker

The slay queen government

Published

on

ONCE upon a time, there was an unemployed slay queen from Motimposo. Despite being broke, she had an insatiable appetite for expensive things. She loved classy weaves, clothes and food.
She had a car she could neither maintain nor fuel. The slay queen even had a maid because she said washing would damage her artificial nails. On weekends, she would attend parties and bring along uninvited groupies that always annoyed hosts.

Sometimes she would have parties at her posh flat whose rent she could not afford.
On good days she would be posting bragging WhatsApp statuses in maimed English grammar.
“#internet thingis”, “leaving the live”, “#enjoying champegini”, “loving my piknik in bushes”, “Cape Town hear we come”, “I loves road trips” or other variations.
When her bills were due she would harass lovers, ex-lovers, friends and relatives to help her pay.
She always had some silly explanation for why she could not pay.

The ATM swallowed my card, some funds have not been cleared, Uncle mang-mang delayed transferring my money or Ausi Nthabeleng hasn’t paid me.
Although she was a high school dropout, she occasionally blamed her money troubles on the NMDS.
Those NMDS people are yet to deposit my allowance, she would say with a straight face devoid of any shame.
Those who refused to help out found themselves hit with snide comments on her WhatsApp statuses or Facebook. “When friends are dark days are few”, “Every dog must have a day”,

“Jehovah bless these my enemies”, “Eish, some friend we had”, “Relative are overyated”, or “Your worst enemies is the one closed to you”. All because they refused to fund her opulent life.
When they insisted that she cut her reckless money habits or get a job at the textile factories she would rush to social media for more jabs. “I am not that cheaper”, “I have standards to manteni”, “It’s my life, I live the way I wants it” or “Mind you businesses”.
This is not a story about slay queens, employed or not.
It’s about the budget the finance minister presented last week.
That budget has proven that this government is an unemployed slay queen.
It is broke and unemployed but likes to make a long wish list of things it wants to accomplish.

Advertisement

It budgets and then looks for the money later. Every cent mentioned in that budget is yet to be earned and might never come. It’s all based on the assumption that someone will pay.
It’s either the impoverished taxpayers or the tired donors. Nyoe, nyoe, nyoe, our development partners. Blah, blah, blah SACU.
Yet the perforated pockets will not stop this lazy slay queen from spending as if money grows on trees.

The wage bill remains high, ministers still have two cars and a battalion of staff while MPs are still getting their ill-gotten fuel allowances.
Debts are mounting, suppliers are not being paid and projects have stalled.
When the bills are due this slay queen harasses workers and businesses for tax.
The only time you see that this slay queen is clever is when it has to find new ways to rob the public and companies for more taxes. Ask them how they used the previous budget and they pretend to be confused like a villager caught taking a dump in the chief’s field.

It’s the economic crisis. Maybe it’s Covid 19. People are not paying their taxes. SACU is not bringing in much. It’s always someone else’s problem. There is no mention of the thieves in the government and the reckless expenditure on MPs. Nothing about the bloated wage bill.
Now the slay queen has run out of people to rob and is about to be a hobo.
Forget the waffling that usually follows the budget speech presentation. It’s all pseudo analyses emitted by wannabe economic experts clamouring to make sense of things way beyond their acumen. What you have just read here is the authentic analysis of the budget, delivered in simple and concise language.

Advertisement
Advertisement

Muckraker

Jackals are hunting

Published

on

Cheeseman’s recording of the conversation might border on the criminal but that doesn’t matter to those who have been looking for a stick to spank Molelle.

They have been waiting for this moment and are seizing it with both hands.

You can hear the excitement in their voices as they discuss Molelle’s impending downfall. Knorx’s misery has triggered a collective orgasm.

Watch them now as they hunt in packs like jackals.

Even those who sang Molelle’s praises a few weeks ago are queuing to lynch him.

We are masters at kicking those who have fallen from grace.

The Law Society of Lesotho has been startled from years of slumber to race out of its bed with a long sjambok in hand.

They have written a letter to Uncle Sam pretending to have discovered, through a “whistleblower”, that Molelle was appointed the DCEO boss without being admitted as a legal practitioner in Lesotho.

It’s unclear why they needed a ‘whistleblower’ to discover something in their records for years. Muckraker suspects they always knew but were either too timid to say or waiting for this moment.

They are saying it now to give the impression that they sneaked in a kick when Molelle was being spanked out of office. It’s a desperate scramble for relevance.

By claiming that they didn’t know Molelle was appointed the DG without being admitted as a legal practitioner the law society is exposing itself as a proudly incompetent organisation.

That much is clear from their brazen admission that they needed a ‘whistleblower’ to whisper to them something on their notice board or drawer.

Muckraker is amused by the battalion pretending to be irritated by what Molelle’s mouth said about Bro Richard, Sister Majara and Uncle Sam. They are borrowing offence as if it’s them who were labelled idiots or satane.

Bro Richard, Sister Majara and Uncle Sam are capable of getting irritated on their own without prodding and instigation from self-hired mourners, chancers and bootlickers.

Molelle himself knows what is supposed to happen in the next few days.

He can only extricate himself from this mess by proving that the audio clips were manufactured and his voice is either AI-generated or from someone who can expertly imitate him.

Nka! Ichuuuuuuuuuuu!

muckraker.post@gmail.com

Continue Reading

Muckraker

Pressing the Knorx Stereo

Published

on

As she listened to Mollele’s audio clips Muckraker could hear a man devoted to waffling his way to an abrupt end to his tenure as the DCEO boss.

Cheeseman only had to keep poking him with cunning instigations. It was as if Cheeseman knew which buttons to press for Knorx’s stereo to keep playing his songs. And he wasn’t using a remote control. He was right there pressing the brown Tempest. Muckraker is unsure if Cheeseman danced to the Knorx hits but is certain he enjoyed himself.

Press: “Satane”. Press: “Idiots”. Press: “This case”.

Press: “Oh, yes that case”. Press: “The DPP this and that”. Press: “Blah, blah, blah and blah”.

Cheeseman was playing Knorx like DJ Boots on the decks.

At some point you hear that Cheeseman was no longer playing his favourite hits but requests from people who had given him a list of songs before he met Knorx.

Cheeseman’s motive for recording their conversation doesn’t matter now.

It matters now who got the audio clips, snitched and leaked. It all boils down to what he said and to whom he said it.

Molelle would still have been in trouble even if he had been heard saying those words while in his shower. He put himself in that position by allowing his mouth to go wild.

He should have kept those thoughts locked in his mind until uttering them had no consequences for him. They are words you only mention as history: “Eish, I used to work with devils and idiots”.

Muckraker is not saying he should have never said those words now. Of course, he could have driven out of Maseru to find a mountain to tell those things.

If a molisana had secretly recorded his chat with the mountain, Knorx would have said what he tells his ancestors is his business. He could have also claimed he would have gone bonkers if he had not told someone or something about his bosses.

Many have a boss they believe to be a moron or evil. Yet they keep their mouth shut about such truths to keep the job and the peace. The smart ones know it is their job to cover up the idiocy of their bosses.

That is how they earn their keep and promotions. Otherwise, what is the point of an idiot boss keeping a smart employee who doesn’t know how to protect them from their idiocy?

It is your job to protect your boss from his idiocy. And you have no business discussing your boss’ idiocy, especially with his enemies. Venture into such reckless discussions and you will be jobless with your smartness.

Continue Reading

Muckraker

The mouth

Published

on

WE start the year with a little story of the dangers of a reckless mouth. Muckraker will write it as if you are listening to your granny’s tsomo. The point of it all will be revealed before the kettle boils.

So here goes.

Some two centuries ago, Czar Nicholas I, the ruler of Russia, faced a rebellion from some renegades who demanded democracy and other things. Qoi!

The Czar reacted with a brutal crackdown that included the chopping of heads.

Kondraty Ryleyev, one of the rebels, was caught and sentenced to death by hanging. On the day of his hanging, the trapdoor opened but the rope around Ryleyev’s neck broke.

In those days, a rope breaking during an execution was considered a miracle which compelled the authorities to pardon the convict and spare the convict’s life.

With rope broken Ryleyev, thinking he had been saved, stood up, looked at the crowd that had gathered to witness his execution and shouted: “You see, in Russia they don’t know how to do anything properly, even to make rope”. A messenger was sent to the Palace for the Czar to sign Ryleyev’s pardon.

The disappointed Czar was about to sign the pardon when he asked the messenger: “Did Ryleyev say anything about this miracle?”

“Sir, he said that in Russia they don’t even know how to make rope,” the messenger replied.

“In that case let us prove the contrary,” said the Czar as he tore up the pardon.

Ryleyev was hanged the next day and the rope held tight until he kicked the bucket.

Muckraker read that story from Robert Greene’s 48 Laws of Power. The anecdote accompanies Law 4: “Always say less than necessary”.

Ryleyev would have lived to see another day if only he kept his tongue on a short leash.

Did Muckraker hear you say qoi?

The story is not about what happened to a reckless mouth in Russia two centuries ago but what is happening to Knorx Molelle because of his mouth.

Muckraker’s grandfather used to say the three things that get a man in trouble are the mouth, the hands and the ‘member’. The hand does things to things and people. The mouth says things. And the ‘member’…we all know the David story. Molelle is a victim of his mouth.

Nka! Ichuuuuuuuuuuu!

muckraker.post@gmail.com

Continue Reading
Advertisement

ADVERTISEMENT

Advertisement
Advertisement

Trending