THE season of tomfoolery is upon us. Its high jinks all the way. We can hardly spend a day without being told of some nonentity forming a political party. As we approach February — the month some have marked on their calendars for Size Two to meet his waterloo — we can be sure parties will come thick and fast. We will be bombarded with speculative stories about new political parties. Our so-called journalists never disappoint when it comes to churning out such drivel.
Two parties are already in the works and might be launched in a few days. Ask not what they stand for because that has never mattered in this country. We are obsessed with positions without authority, ownership without substance and talk without thought. We are yet to attain a level of sophistication where we look at political parties as a means to change the world. We are novices in politics and toddlers in democracy. In our zombie-like stupour we think the answer to every problem is political. The economy is kaput, form a party.
There is corruption, form a party. You have fought your leader, form a party. A lover has jilted you, form a party. Cockroaches have invaded your home, form a party. At the rate we are going there will be more political parties than companies in this country. No, I lie. That is already the case. What we should be afraid of is that people will soon start forming political parties for goats and cattle. Indeed, that is possible because there are more goats and cows in this country than people. Surely there will come a time when there will be no people to join political parties.
Sadly it is the people we think should know better who keep driving this frenzy. Boom, Khasu is in the house. Phew, Maisa is jumping around like he is pressed. Boom, Mokola says he is ready to rumble. That garrulous young lad who used to play in the LCD now has his own political toy. Ramathebane is trudging along with his own baby.
White Horse is doing his own thing. Monyake is also doing his own thing.
Rumour says the affable workhorse is cooking his own pot. We now know that there will always be some poor soul who will follow them to their new political hovels. A story told to Muckraker by her late crazy uncle some years ago aptly explains this sorry state of affairs. Listen carefully for this is a stinking story retold by a woman whose left hand is permanently on her nose.
A man visits his in-laws with his wife. A few minutes into the greetings he asks for directions to the toilet. Nature knows neither protocol nor location. So off he dashes to the small room at the end of the corridor to free himself of a rumbling stomach. The did done, he flashes but realises that there is one stubborn ‘boy’ who keeps swimming back up instead of joining his comrades in the septic tank. Fearful that it’s his, he flashes again but the ‘boy’ stands firm. It is unperturbed by the violent blows of the Wasco water.
After ten minutes of struggling with the ‘boy’ the man gives up. Now he has a predicament: there is no way the ‘boy’ will disappear and if he leaves it hanging around the next person will spread a malicious rumour that he is the son-in-law who chocked the toilet. In that moment of desperation an idea hits him: What if there is a way to make this silly ‘boy’ disappear? He momentarily contemplates, then rolls a tissue around his hand, picks up the ‘boy’ and throws him into his pocket.
I will throw it outside, he thinks to himself. The ‘boy’ deposited into his pocket the man confidently walks out of the toilet. The evidence had been buried. But as chance would have it his mother-in-law is already waiting frantically at the door. She too has received a call from nature . Moments later she comes out of the toilet with a bright smile on her face. “Kkkkkkkkkkkk,” she chuckles as she eyes the son-in-law. “My son what the hell did you do to that ‘boy’ who has been refusing to go for a week now?” she asks her startled son-in-law.
“Well done. That ‘boy’ belongs to Uncle Kotso. Were it not for your heroics we would have hired a plumber. It’s good to have creative husbands,” she says as she winks at her pleased daughter, the man’s husband. Meanwhile the son-in-law sits there with a sheepish smile and the stinking ‘boy’ in his pocket. The lesson: never borrow a problem. Some problems just cannot be solved. The son-in-law learnt the hard away.
Soon the ‘boy’ in his pocket starts suffocating his in-laws. Obviously the air became fresher after he left. At a funeral some months later a drunken aunt walks to him and says: “Ntate, you must stop this business of farting when you visit your in-laws. I know what you did last time. Hahahahahaha, you really robbed those old people of their oxygen that day”.
And before he could defend himself the intoxicated aunt was gone, leaving those around him rolling in laughter.
You see, our politicians think they can solve any problem. When things go haywire, as there are wont to, they become the problem. So they start stinking to high heavens. The problem here is a country that has refused to change.
A country adamant in its sickening ways. A little Kingdom with monstrous problems. Anyone who tries to help it becomes part of the problem. The British tried but failed. Leabua tried to beat the problems out of this country until his hands were sore. When he was too tired to fight the army he had formed grabbed him by the ears and yanked him out of the State House. The army thought strongman tactics would work but it found itself immersed in the morass. General Lekhanya aged faster as soon as he took power. Look at him now: he is way older than his age. You would think he was working in the mines. His military comrades took him out of his misery when they toppled him. Enter Mokhehle, the historian who is the father of most of the parties in scattered across our political scarp yard.
That one was just talk and no action. An orator, yes, but never a brilliant leader, he too failed. Size Two came in, left and then came in again but he has not achieved much in dealing with the problem. Uncle Tom? He can claim that he never got a fair shot at the problem because someone threw spanners in the works. The truth, though, is that even if he had ruled until donkeys could use a smart phone he was not going to sort out the mess. So what is the solution? Well, we should cease pretending to be a country because we are not. Yeh, I said it and will say it again before dawn.
Geographically, we cannot qualify to be a country. We look like a coffee stain on a map. Economically, we are a little village. Our existence as a country adds no value to either the world or ourselves. Regionally, all we do is congest Sadc’s agenda with our problems. We just need a chief executive and his officers. That way we don’t have to wait for five years to fire and hire people. Indolent workers can be fired instantly. And who will select the chief executive? It is we the shareholders of the geographical area.
The not so noble Ashraf
English has never been our mother. It abandons us in times of trouble, especially when cornered. The best time to judge a person’s eloquence in English is when they are in distress. Walim Ashraf, the man accused of stealing M7.4 million, lost his English bundles last week when he was caught in a blue lie.
His bail hearing was going well until a DCEO investigator told the prosecutor that he was emitting lies with a straight face. He had told the court that his three children and wife were in South Africa. He even added that children were schooling in South Africa. That sounded plausible and the court appeared to have taken his word for it until the prosecutor announced that his wife and three children were in fact in India. Bingo!
Caught in the lie, Ashraf mumbled an apology before telling the court that “it was a slip of the tongue”.
In other words, his tongue has slipped and called South Africa India.
At that moment, Ashraf believed that claiming that your family is in South Africa when they are in India is a “slip of the tongue”.
The phrase he was looking for is: “I am a pathetic liar”. A slip of the tongue is a minor mistake in speech, not a fictitious relocation of your family from India to South Africa. Muckraker will not pass judgement on his charges.
Suffice to say Ashraf is an Arabic name meaning ‘most honourable one’ or ‘very noble’. Tongues that claim to have slipped when they are lying are not so noble.
Its squeaky bum time
Uncle Sam and his leadership should not be surprised that the opposition is now grabbing them by the collar. They played into the government’s hands by making hasty and emotional decisions.
The suspension of the three MPs has now triggered a backlash that might topple the government.
The opposition is smelling blood and getting ready to pounce.
Even if Uncle Sam’s government survives the next storm, the opposition will keep coming. They are possessed by the spirit of destruction.
The next few years will be tsunami after tsunami.
Nothing motivates a politician more than the prospect of finishing off a wounded opponent.
Muckraker is tempted to say the RFP still has a chance to regroup and fight from one corner but that would be false. The trust has been broken and the wounds are too deep.
Those who have been suspended want revenge. Mediation is a waste of time. Nothing is ever forgiven and forgotten in politics.
Muckraker’s humble advice to Uncle Sam and his people is that they should stock up on painkillers because there are more pounding headaches on the way.
Keep some pills at home, office, office toilet, back pocket, handbag, wallet and even bra.
Mapesela will not rest until he is back in government and proudly messing up things.
He is beating war drums.
Uncle Sam and his people had better learn to play dirty because this is a rough game. Bones will be broken and bodies bruised.
Spare a prayer for Uncle Sam as he walks on the glowing coals that is Lesotho’s politics. Call your prophets, fake and real, because the demons of Lesotho’s politics are at the gates.
Bring both fire and water because these are not Mickey Mouse demons. Leave the pigs out of this one, I beg. We still need fariki after exorcising the evil spirits. As usual, you need the powers of a potent wizard to decipher why the opposition is gathering wood for a pyre to burn both the government and its leader. That it’s such a hotchpotch betrays the fact that the reasons are contrived rather than real.
Even if they are real, none of them justifies toppling a government so soon.
And none of the opposition leaders could claim, without the usual dose of embellishment, that the so-called ‘reasons’ have come from the people. There is no scale to weigh the people’s disgust at Uncle Sam and his people.
There is no reason to pretend that those plotting to whip Uncle Sam out of office are doing it for the people who voted less than a year ago. This is just another group of excitable and power-mongering zealots cooking up reasons to justify their attempt to instigate a power grab.
You hear from their flawed logic when they exuberantly claim that it is their right to bring a no-confidence vote against the government.
They pull out that trump card even when no one has accused them of any criminality. They do it to sanitise and deodorise their brazen usurpation of the people’s power.
It’s their way of justifying why a group of less than 50 people who lost an election now has both the power and the nerve to topple a government supported by thousands of Basotho. Oops, that’s a lie. This a decision of less than 10 political leaders who are now shopping around for other MPs to support their decision.
Yes, toppling a government in parliament is not illegal. Yes, the opposition can do it. But the pertinent question is whether this is what Basotho want and it’s good for Lesotho.
Who has told the politicians that this is what the people want? Who did they consult, when and how?
Yes, Uncle Sam is fumbling and dithering. Yes, some of his ministers behave like rabbits caught in headlights on the Main North 1 Road. True, some of the appointments stink of nepotism.
But all these are nothing new or outrageous. We have seen worse from the very people now screaming their lungs out. It’s not as if the opposition now has a low tolerance for tosh.
After all, they are the very masters of tosh. This is not about service delivery or some transgressions.
This is about power and resources. Not power to serve Basotho. Not resources to share with Basotho. It is about the power to shove in their armpits while they munch the resources. That is why they keep telling us what Uncle Sam has done wrong instead of saying why they think they will do better.
They are not saying they will screw us softly this time around. No promise to go easy on the looting. Nothing about limiting the number of rats in the granary. They don’t even have the decency to promise to move from F to E.
As far as they are concerned, we just have to stand by and watch while they kick out Uncle Sam and then cheer as they march back to do more of the same. This is the contempt they have for the people. We elect governments that MPs have the power to topple willy-nilly while claiming to be acting on our behalf. We have been screwed before but these are rough riders. Phew!
MP defies party, backs opposition
Inside plot to oust Matekane
Matekane abusing state agencies, says opposition
‘Bikerboy’ appears in court again
Four BNP activists suspended
Why invest for the future
Fraudster to have day in court
PAC to grill civil servants over Covid funds
News in Brief
The beauty from Roma
‘Monster’ stepfather arrested for raping daughter
Who will speak on behalf of Basotho?
Has Matekane failed?
Mohlolo rescues point for LDF Ladies
Makepe quits Likuena duty
Reforms: time to change hearts and minds
Weekly Police Report
The middle class have failed us
No peace plan, no economic recovery
We have lost our moral indignation
Coalition politics are bad for development
Academic leadership, curriculum and pedagogy
DCEO raids PS’
Mokeki’s road to stardom
Literature and reality
The ABC blew its chance
Bringing the spark back to schools
I made Matekane rich: Moleleki
Musician dumps ABC
Bofuma, boimana li nts’a bana likolong
Mahao o seboko ka ho phahama hoa litheko
Contract Farming Launch
7,5 Million Dollars For Needy Children
Ba ahileng lipuleng ba falle ha nakoana
Ba ahileng lipuleng ba falle ha nakoana
Weekly Police Report
Mahao o re masholu a e ts’oareloe
‘Our Members Voted RFP’ Says Metsing
Matekane’s 100 Days Plan
High Profile Cases in Limbo
130 Law Students Graduate From NUL
Metsing and Mochoboroane Case Postponed
News2 months ago
Pushing synthetic agri-products
Sports2 months ago
Khojane eyes Matlama hot seat
News4 weeks ago
Lerotholi students want charges dropped
News4 weeks ago
RFP rocked by death threats
Business4 weeks ago
LEC lights the way
Business4 weeks ago
Nedbank posts strong growth
News4 weeks ago
The ‘ear doctor’ driving change
News4 weeks ago
Police boss hit in pocket