The DCEO needs prayers

The DCEO needs prayers

THERE is a wave of indolence gripping our journalists. On bad weeks they call the DCEO spokesperson, ‘Matlhokomelo Senoko, who dully mumbles some confirmation of someone being “investigated”.

The journalists will then punish the keyboards with glee, announcing their scoop to a country that frowns at the mention of the DCEO investigating someone.
Somewhere in the third or fourth paragraph, depending on which newspaper you are reading, there will be a line from Senoko saying she cannot reveal further details for fear of jeopardizing the ‘investigation’.

Seasoned editors know the drill: It’s the same old thump-sucked tripe seasoned with things that look news.
Senoko never disappoints because she always has something cooking in her pot. The only problem is that the DCEO’s pot never boils.
And even if it boils, as it happens once in a blue moon, it will spew some inedible food that instigates a running tummy. Luckily the lethargic reporters quickly move on to other ‘hot investigation’, to leave the DCEO’s pot bubbling on the stove.

The DCEO has since perfected this graffiti art of deliberately confusing activity for progress. It has to keep pretending that it’s working to justify its budget allocation from the government.
When they feel that their scam is about to be exposed, their director will whimper about the lack of money to investigate cases. But don’t think he is being sincere about it because he too knows that he runs a sham of an organisation that masquerades as a cheeky bulldog.

Although we have always known that the DCEO is a pathetic excuse of an organisation we have to admit that they have pushed the frontiers of mediocrity in recent weeks. And brazenly so. With the zest as well.

We have to hand it to them because they have done so in such spectacular fashion that puts even the most inept people to sham.
Here is what transpired in the build-up to what has become the ultimate show of the monkey shines we have witnessed in the past few days.
A British media outlet sniffed what it thought was a corrupt relationship between self-proclaimed businessman Aaron Banks and our own brother ‘Maseribane.
They happened upon a story that Banks had bankrolled the BNP’s campaign in exchange for a diamond prospecting licence.

It wasn’t an entirely new story because the Public Eye had already revealed months ago that the party had been funded by the business mogul.
The newspaper, which badly needs a redesign before it injures our eyesight, revealed that the money from Banks had flowed to the party through Bro Maseribane’s personal account.
The British media were interested in Banks for their own reasons. The first is that they didn’t like the fact that he had funded the Brexit campaign.
The second is that they thought he had links with the Russians who they suspected to have been the source of the money that Banks used to fund the Brexit campaign.
So the stories are building towards establishing if the Russians could have influenced the Brexit votes through Banks.

Lesotho comes into the picture because the British media suspect that Banks could have used his dubious mine operations in Lesotho to clean the Russian money before funnelling it to the United Kingdom.
Lesotho, therefore, is suspected to have been a conduit in a money laundering scheme.
Bro Maseribane did not just deny the allegations of corruption but invited the DCEO to investigate him.

It took the DCEO just a few weeks to decide that there was no crime. It quickly handed Bro Maseribane a letter explaining that he had no case to answer.
Now, we have heard the DCEO previously screaming about the lack of resources to investigate cases. We also know that they have been pleading poverty whenever they are asked to expedite cases.
Yet in Bro Maseribane’s case money, time and resources were suddenly found to probe the allegations at the speed of light. Notice too that the ‘investigation’ was done at Bro Maseribane’s behest.
The DCEO considered that case so important that it warranted jumping a long queue of other pending cases.
How could the director and investigators not scurry when a minister submits such a request?
A boss had requested to be investigated and he was going to be investigated.

But we all know what it means when a boss asks you to investigate him. The rules of the game don’t have to be spelt out to you.
The DCEO did not even to look for a wink from Bro Maseribane to understand what he meant. And they duly obliged a few weeks later with a sweet love letter.
The joke is not Bro Maseribane because he did what he had to do. He got himself a clean bill of health that he will be rubbing in the faces of his enemies. He is going to be crowing at rallies about that letter. Henceforth, he is untouchable.

Meanwhile, the DCEO has just confirmed that it’s a scarecrow. It’s a nobbled institution that sees no shame on insisting that it’s effective and independent.

The issue here is not whether Bro Maseribane has a case to answer. Rather, it is the speed at which the DCEO rushed to declare him squeaky clean despite its claim that it had no money or investigators to handle cases.

Many will recall that the DCEO once said each investigator was handling more than 30 cases at any given time. Yet for some reason the DCEO managed to find an investigator who could concentrate on this case for weeks.
Phew! The DCEO needs Jesus, pronto. There is a demon of incompetence that needs to be exorcised.

A round of applause for Mokola for being a shrewd operator is in order. Last week, he declared that he had forgiven the rascals who torched the party’s property during a demonstration.
And just in case someone was going to push for criminal charges against the criminals, Mokola said he was also pleading with the police to have mercy on them.
So there you have it: the criminals are off the hook. Just like that. We now know you can get away with arson as long as your leader forgives you and intercedes on your behalf to the police.
You don’t need to be a legal fundi to see that something stinks about the case. It is a notorious fact that the rascals burnt party property. The pictures are all over social media and the culprits are known by name, village and totem.

We also know that arson does not need to be reported for it to be investigated. What matters to the police is whether it happened and who did it.
But don’t expect the police to be rounding up the criminals for they know that we are not equal at law. That is how we roll in this country.

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