MUCKRAKER has heard a sorry story of a senior politician who is donating shoes to poor villagers. He says he is doing it out of his goodness of the heart yet we all know he is begging for votes.

Sadly, his party has squandered so much political capital that it’s no longer electable. We are getting to a time when it might be considered illegal or a sign of mental sickness to support his party.  His party has been buried in an avalanche of political propaganda. Now voters speak of it with twisted faces full of disgust. You know the face you have when chewing ginger.
Or the face most women have when they try to fit in by trying to drink a wine they have never tasted. Or the face of a villager tasting cheese for the first time.

Muckraker wonders if his effort to cover the cracked feet of the poor villagers will change his waning political fortunes. Voters have long concluded that his is a party of thievery and other terrible things. He could donate thousands of shoes but still lose.

Yet that is not how it should be. Surely when you give a man shoes he should just be grateful enough to repay you with his votes. As it turns out, the problem with this politician is that he is being advised by slow minds. There is a way to make sure those who get his shoes don’t betray him when they enter the voting booth. The solution lies in keeping the voter dependent on him.

The only way to do that is to donate one shoe per voter. Give each villager the left shoe and promise to return with the right shoe when you have won the election.
If they vote the ‘wrong’ way they will be stuck with one shoe.

And there is no way they can make a plan because they will all be having shoes for the same side. Phew!
Sometimes all you need is a little bit of common sense. Now say “Thank you aunt Muck”.

Muckraker wishes Size Two a speedy recovery. That is if reports that he is under the weather are correct. He was probably just going for a scheduled medical check-up.
We should not have qualms with that for the man has seen better days.
Any body over 50 should be constantly checked for defects.

It is Size Two’s right to take care of the body that works his money. For him medical check-ups are even more important because of the torrid time he has experienced since he insisted on coming out of retirement.

The man had never been allowed to rest since 2015. From the first day he was fire- fighting. At some point it looked like he had been sent to put out a raging fire with his saliva.
General K gave him a headache, SADC gave him nightmares and the opposition was sitting on him like a tonne of bricks.

Meanwhile Mokola was up to some high jinks. The Americans kept the fire on his behind ablaze. Then there was the economy that just refused to start and the hunger that camped in the villagers because of drought.

He had just gone from tending his camels to handling hot national issues. So bear with the man when he takes some time off to see his doctor. Go slow on the rumour mongering, Size Two is just fine.

What we should question is why he has to cross the border to see a doctor as if we live in some remote village.
Not that we are really a modern country. But we do have doctors here and a hospital that cost us M1 billion to build.

Unless this was a special medical case there is absolutely no reason for Size Two to cross the border to see a doctor.
The point here is that he should have faith in the health system his government has created. It is his government that hires doctors, nurses and buys medicines.
The least he can do is experience what everyone else has to endure when they visit the so-called government hospitals.

Until you spend a day waiting to see a doctor at Tsepong you will not understand why people are pissed with that hospital. Until a nurse tells you they have run out of a painkiller you will not understand why people are bitter with government hospitals.

Size Two should have just gone to a government hospital for his check-up if he thinks Basotho are being squeaky wheels.
Muckraker wonders if he would have driven or flown all the way to Johannesburg if he was paying from his pocket.

The election season is upon us. It is the season of madness. The season of silliness. Get ready to be entertained, wowed and disgusted at the same time. Prepare to gobble the unpalatable lies our politicians will foist on you.

Take heart for a cyclone of propaganda has come to our shores. To survive it you should have a strong sense of humour and a functioning tosh detector. Anything short of those will leave you bruised.

While waiting for the political drama of elections to start Muckraker had stopped paying her DStv subscriptions.
Nothing beats Lesotho’s political theatre when it comes to entertainment. The problem now is that the drama is taking too long to start.
So Muckraker has to resort to our pathetic radio stations for fun.

Unfortunately these days there isn’t much to enjoy on radio because political parties have taken over every programme. For three weeks now we have been bombarded with the same old bunkum about there being no money for the elections. Where is the money, they ask. How will we fund the election?

There is no money for elections. There is no budget for the elections. Blah, blah and blah. None of those running their mouths on the radio stations seem to understand anything about government finances. The blabbermouths cannot even manage their own finances yet they have the nerve to pretend to be experts on the national budget.

The biggest ignoramuses are the illiterate MPs who keep harping on about this money issue as if it will resurrect the 9th parliament.
Impressionable minds are being fed the same old discredited BS that there is no money for elections.

Now listen carefully you small minds hurting our ears with the mumbo jumbo. Government money is not kept in a tattered bra like your grandmother’s pennies. It is not kept under a pillow or an old tin under a bed.

The absence of a budget does not mean there is no money. A budget is not money but a mere list of things you want to do with the money. So an election is going to happen in this country on June 3.

MPs should worry about where they will find money after losing the elections instead of having sleepless nights about where the money for the elections will come from.
After June 3 the government will still have money but you might just be as poor as a church mouse.