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The looting queue



HERE is a true story. Scientists in a certain corner of the world were curious about what makes some countries special. So they found islands in the middle of an ocean and allocated each to 20 people from one country.
After six months the scientists visited each island for results. The findings were mindboggling.

The island that was home to South Africans was chocking with rubbish. Its people had spent months protesting and emptying bins in the streets.
They called that madness “freedom”. Their qualm: the government was not building them houses and the council was not collecting bins.

During their recess from the protests they accused each other of being foreigners. The dark-skinned ones were accused of being from another island in the north. Hashtag makwerekweremustfall was trending.
At the Zimbabwean island they found a dictator beating and killing people. When he was not maiming he was stealing from his 20 relatives. Everyone was making a boat to flee the shit-hole. The president was accusing everyone of being a member of the opposition party.

As the people squirmed in poverty the leader was swimming in stolen money while telling them to be patient and resilient.
At the Nigerian island they were starving after one chap stole the whole granary. He claimed to have bought the whole island and was forcing his relatives to pay him rent.

When the people complained he handed them passports with instructions to find their own corners to steal from.
“Oga, this country is my corners and I steal as much as I can steal. Find your own corners. Nax!” he told them.

At the Malawian island everyone was a sangoma because everyone accused everyone of witchcraft.
At the Lesotho island the scientists found 30 political parties for 20 people. Twelve governments had collapsed in six months and the people were arguing over how to form the next one.
The previous one had fallen after being captured by the prime minister’s wife.

The richest man was a Chinese who had bought both his citizenship and the political leaders. There were no schools or hospitals because the twenty people were arguing over the shape and size of the buildings.
Others wanted to give the construction tenders to the Chinese man.
Offended? Your exaggerated patriotism is noted but you can parade it somewhere else.

Take deep breaths and drink some water.
There are other noxious things to piss you off.
We are here to laugh about life and its follies. The rest of its troubles are your business to mind. It’s not Muckraker’s problem that you have the sense of humour of a stone.

Still, that doesn’t mean the scientific findings from those islands are outrageously off the mark. If anything, they aptly tell the story of each country.
While the one about Malawi is just banter the rest are stubborn facts stated jocularly.

Anyone who denies that Basotho are quarrelsome has a brain the size of the punctuation mark at the end of this sentence.
As Muckraker writes this a bunch of too clever by half people are screaming about Nacosec being illegal. While some of the arguments sound genuine the majority are just an attempt by some law graduates to flex their underutilised legal minds.

None of those arguments matter in the broader scheme of things. No one will die because Nacosec bought masks.
But thousands will die if Nacosec doesn’t buy masks.
In any case, these screams sound a tad hypocritical. You have probably attended a party hosted by a well-known thief of government money. How about a funeral or wedding?

If you asked whether the food and drinks you were swallowing are not proceeds of corruption then you are a married virgin.
Every year we are told how the government has lost billions of maloti through rigged tenders and brazen thievery. The culprits are still perambulating the streets while flaunting their contraband. We still call some of them Mohlompehi, as if to celebrate their long fingers.

So spare us these pathetic screams about accountability. Instead of screaming about those who looted at the Command Centre of Feasting you are using legal jargon to spank an institution that is yet to buy a single mask.
And who said legal entities are immune to corruption and pickpocketing. The government, the most legal institution you can imagine, has been looted hand over fist.

Government companies established by laws have been robbed to their knees.
Here we have the highest concentration of pathological thieves. They even steal land and houses.

If they break into your house and find nothing valuable to nick they take the fatuku and bolt out. The idea is to satisfy their addiction to thievery. So let there be no mistake: Covid-19 money will be stolen with or without Nacosec.
Whether its legal or illegal there will always be some pinching from Nacosec.
All this is to say we are chasing a notorious rat while the house burns.

Nka! Ichuuuuuuuuuuu!

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Tongue matters



It was not by default that some of the government’s paid and unpaid sycophants were attacking the principal secretaries who were fighting their termination.

One local newspaper which bootlicks with gusto was peeved that the principal secretaries were not giving up on their fight (We were not told why that was such an evil thing).

Their crime, as the newspaper insinuated, was that they were trying to delay the case so that they continue to earn their salaries and benefits. This tactic, the newspaper bellowed, was meant to sabotage the government. Really?

Such an inane argument would be laughable were it not tragic.

It was obvious the principal secretaries wanted to tie Uncle Sam in complex legal knots. That is how it works. No need for complicated mathematical models or throwing bones to know this would happen.

Not much acumen needed either. Just simple history and common sense. The history being that it has happened before with consistency. The common sense being that people don’t like being pushed out of their jobs for whatever reason.

It doesn’t matter how and why you do it. How people defend their bread in court is their business. In this case, the principal secretaries were not being terminated because they had done anything wrong. Wanting to hire your own people to implement your policy is no reason enough to callously fire anyone.

But somehow, Uncle Sam and his ministers thought they were a special breed that could walk into government and spank people out of their jobs. Now that the government has settled, you can be sure the same minions will pretend it was a result of the government’s brilliance or benevolence.

The truth is that the government should never have wasted its money and energy fighting the principal secretaries.

Nka! Ichuuuuuuuuuuu!

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The fear of whites



Muckraker has no racist bone in her. So she will say what she wants without the fear of being called a racist. Follow the logic slowly to avoid jumping to conclusions.

The next time the government is fighting a court battle with anyone you should watch the legal representatives carefully. You can be sure that some white fella will be representing the government.

It’s as if there is always a white messiah waiting to save our government from its legal troubles. They like importing them from across Mohokare. Even if they choose to use a ‘local’ lawyer you can be sure that they are white. The issue of experience doesn’t matter.

They just have to be white. This has been the pattern over the years and it’s likely to continue as long as our government suffers from this incessant bout of inferiority complex. Everything else can be reserved for Basotho but not the provision of legal services to the government.

Here is where it gets excruciatingly painful. The same people who import white lawyers to represent the government will gladly hire local lawyers when they have personal legal problems. This is to say they trust local lawyers to solve their problems but don’t believe they are good enough to represent the government.

But don’t be confused because there is method to this sickening habit. The only reason they don’t hire local lawyers for the government is because there is lots of money to be made.

They don’t want the paws of black local lawyers anywhere near the government’s money. As far as they are concerned, Basotho lawyers are only good enough to represent thieves, cattle rustlers and those divorcing. Lesotho’s senior lawyers are King’s Counsels in their villages and not to the government.

The government’s legal matters are reserved for imported white lawyers. And let’s not pretend this is not about skin colour. No! If it wasn’t about that, the government would have hired a few black South Africans over the years.

Muckraker has to mention this because she saw this obsession with white lawyers again recently. The government was represented by a white advocate in its legal fight with the sixteen principal secretaries. For some reason, there was no local lawyer to handle a simple labour case between the government and its employees. That lawyer was imported to help the government fight what was clearly an unwinnable case.

A simple issue that could have been resolved over motoho and cool heads was now involving some imported legal mind behind paid by the bucket. You cannot make this up. When it eventually came back to its senses, the government did precisely what it should have done from the onset: negotiate. It took a meeting of a few hours for the Minister of Labour to seal a deal with the principal secretaries.

And where was the government’s white lawyer? Well, Muckraker is not sure but suspects he was preparing his hefty invoice. The government had wasted Basotho’s money fighting Basotho using some imported lawyer. Yet it says Basotho pele! Nonsense!

Nka! Ichuuuuuuuuuuu!

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Shaking the shack



SOME years ago Muckraker stumbled on the fascinating story of an Indian man who always drove his car in reverse.

By 2014 Harpeet Devi had been cruising in reverse on India’s roads for eleven years.

It started in 2003 when he could not afford to fix his Fiat’s gearbox. So he just started reversing to his destination. By the time he fixed the car Devi could not stop driving in reverse. He was so comfortable that he could drive at 80km/h backwards on the highways. It was now a habit he could not unlearn. Hooked on to the anomaly.

What mattered was he was going places, loved it and it worked.

Muckraker was reminded of that bizarre story when she heard of some people jostling for leadership positions in the LCD. You read that right: there are still people dreaming of leading the LCD and they are prepared to clobber each other to get to the top of that anthill of a political party. This misplaced ambition and delusion would be funny were it not tragic.

Those who made it into the LCD national executive committee days ago are inheriting a car that only drives in reverse. You don’t need basic arithmetic skills to see that the LCD has been driving in reverse for the past 10 years.

The only difference with Devi, the Indian chap, is that the LCD doesn’t have a destination and has fooled itself into thinking that it’s going forward.

It’s hurtling to its grave in reverse but those who claim to be leading it believe they are on the verge of some revival. They are not looking at the numbers because they are too scared of reality.

Instead, they will pretend that the past decade of disasters is just a passing phase and those who have jumped the sinking ship are either sell-outs or just lack vision.

Of course, the only vision that the LCD leaders have is that which is in the view mirror.

Little wonder they are quick to remember past success when faced with calamities of now. They never shut up about Ntsu Mokhehle. Ask them what they achieved and they will point to free primary education. And that’s it.

You would think Lesotho’s economy was firing on all cylinders under their leadership. You would be forgiven for thinking there was no corruption and inept management in their administration.

You know a party is caput when its leadership spends more time musing about history instead of plotting the future.

But you have to understand why the LCD is fixated with history. When you have no future all you have is history. The LCD is not a dying party. To describe it as such is to assume there is something left to resuscitate. The LCD is dead. Gone!

Those still in it are either desperate or delusional or both. Those who claim to be leading it are certified political failures and they know it. There is no leadership role for them beyond that dead donkey.

Only the LCD can tolerate their mediocrity.

Nka! Ichuuuuuuuuuuu!

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