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The screaming couple



Some things are just obvious. Even rats in Abia know Uncle Tom and the Feselady have a penchant for donations.
The donations from the Feselady are just a ruse to cover up the gifts flowing into the couple’s pockets. They receive thousands from other people and give pennies to the poor.

The couple calls it charity but Muckraker calls it deceit.
That insatiable passion for freebies didn’t start when the couple was exiled in South Africa.
They have always been receivers. As Muckraker writes this someone is itching to buy electricity for the couple.
Someone is probably sending goodies to the old man and his “Sweet Sixteen”.

Anyone who denies this reality has no justification having a brain. They are wasting our precious oxygen.
The couple has lived off John Xie for years. Aaron Banks, the controversial British businessman who pretends to be a millionaire, gave them money when they were in Ficksburg.

Uncle Tom later said it was money for “soap”. Yes you heard that right: thousands to buy soap as if they were washing elephants or Tholo Transport vehicles.

The couple took Banks’ money even as ABC MPs were paying tithes to them.
Muckraker will strip naked and walk all the way to Qaqatu if the couple can prove they bought every brick on their Abia mansion.
Given their propensity to receive, Muckraker wonders why the couple is hostile to taking delivery of some free wisdom. By now even some of their bootlickers and zealots have probably told them to quietly enjoy their pensions. The old timer and yellow bone are still bellowing, parading their bitterness for all to see.

Every week they have to launch a grenade at Mr Softie and his government. It has become a habit.
The modus operandi is the same. The Feselady finds some trinkets to donate and then screams at the government for being aloof to the plight of the poor.

Blah, blah, blah the government is neglecting the people. She even talks about Covid-19 as if she knows what a virus is. The woman doesn’t even know that Covid-19 is an abbreviation standing for coronavirus disease of 2019.

The Feselady is attacking the government for allowing the disease to spread even as she gallivants to birthday parties.
When they cannot find an opportunity to attack the government they create one.
That is precisely what they did when they stage-managed a march by Avani workers last week.

The desperate workers were instructed to march to the couple’s house if they wanted some phoofo.
And so they trekked to Abia in numbers.

There they found Uncle Tom and his chatterbox of a wife waiting with food parcels and boxes of vitriol against Mr Softie. The charade was hilarious.
Breasted men and women were appealing to a former Prime Minster for help as if they didn’t know where to find Mr Softie who is in charge. After the rented mob sang for its supper, the Feselady and her hubby took turns to blast the government for neglecting the poor.

Of course, it didn’t matter that he is the one who locked down the country without a cogent plan to help the people. He is obviously too old to remember that the mess is his. Both are oblivious to the hypocrisy oozing in their words. It was Uncle Tom whose indolence and ineptness shoved this country into a crisis.

The former tenants of the State House are shrieking because there are still tiny pockets of imbeciles willing to listen to their drivel. That is how Lesotho’s politics works. There is a demand for any tosh as long as it is puked by a politician.

We are a people that easily forgets the transgressions of our politicians. Little wonder Uncle Tom and his cheeky chick are now heroes.
We now have some misdirected souls claiming that Thabane was better. My foot!

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Machonisa on fire



It was only a matter of time before the so-called socialist party owned by a machonisa started unravelling. Now the capitalist owner of the Socialist Revolutionaries is lashing out at anyone who dares to tell him to behave himself.

Teboho Mojapela is moving around his party’s structures with a phafa, leaving his victims scratching their bums.

Muckraker has no sympathy for his victims. They deserve what they are getting.

Having deluded themselves to think that they are stockholders in the SR, they should now enjoy their harvest of thorns. They were guests at Mojapela’s house but tried to tell him how to arrange his furniture and what to eat.

He is telling them to go find somewhere to play because the SR is his personal property.

That the SR is in Mojapela’s armpits has always been clear. He formed and funded it.

It’s just that some were too naïve to realise the obvious.

Thabo Shao packed his bags and left after Mojapela whipped him out of his house. He now mumbles something about Mr Machonisa being a dictator. He says that as if it’s a discovery to be shared with the rest of the world.

Yet anyone with something between their ears would have known that a machonisa who brags about beating his naughty workers could not possibly be a democratic leader.

Only Shao and a few dimwits didn’t know that.

Anyway, Shao’s exit will not change much because he just doesn’t matter. He is a political nonentity who overrates himself.

What interests Muckraker is Mr Machonisa’s nerve to call Shao an uneducated rascal. That hurts because it’s an insult coming from someone who has made it a mission to give education a bad name. Mr Machonisa’s definition of someone educated is Tlohelang Aumane. Hear, hear, and hear. Phew!

Does anyone remember Aumane saying anything either educated or educative?

Muckraker only knows him as a political jezebel incapable of staying in one political bed for more than 15 minutes. He is always itching to be married to the next political party.

Muckraker is tempted to say Aumane is politically horny but she won’t say it for fear of offending the oversensitive souls. The kind that claims to have almost suffocated to death after someone farted in a hall.

But Mr Machonisa doesn’t care about Aumane’s habits because he thinks he is renting a brilliant political mind. A few things will happen in that union.

Mr Machonisa will soon realise that Aumane is just an empty-headed political slay queen always looking for the next partner to get him Ice Tropez (May lightning strike whoever drinks that but cannot afford it. Fire!)

Aumane will realise that Mr Machonisa is a moneyed but unrefined village bumpkin whose mouth has a terrible habit of rebelling against his brain.

Mr Machonisa will find the next brain to rent while Aumane will be putting on his stilettos to find another political lover to smooch on the Maseru streets.

Nka! Ichuuuuuuuuuuu!

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The queen Mampara



Muckraker once promised to say nothing about the Feselady but that Mampara’s mouth keeps running as if it’s connected to Muela Hydro Power Station.

The Feselady told some ABC members who visited her home that she will not associate with the party until it distances itself from the remark of suspended spokesman Montoeli Masoetsa. What made her relapse to her Drama Queen ways was Masoetsa’s attack on her and her hubby. He said the ABC lost because of Uncle Tom and Feselady.

That simple truth, known to even donkeys in Qaqatu, pierced her cheeky heart and got her tummy roiling. She now says she will never wear the ABC’s regalia until the party apologises. Don’t laugh. If this was a threat, the Feselady has lost her touch.

She used to beat people for merely looking at her in a funny way or calling her hubby.

She would harass government officials in public. Now she has been reduced to threatening to avoid yellow dresses and T-shirts to fix the ABC. Boom! Boom! The mighty Drama Queen has fallen.

What remains is just the fading memories of power sexually transmitted.

The transmitter of that power has long ceased to function literally and figuratively.

But the Feselady is too engrossed with herself to realise that she has neither the power nor the capacity to make threats to anyone. She rules only her home, yard and a few idiots still clinging to her.

It takes some sophistication to read irony and the Feselady doesn’t have even a pinch of it. Her people in Mokhotlong rejected her when she tried to sneak into parliament via that hollow popularity garnered through matrimony.

ABC supporters think she is just an uncultured blabbermouth. That she thinks anyone would lose sleep over her threats to burn the party’s regalia or turn them into fatukus is comical. Her tantrums will not change a thing. Her boycott might be the best thing to happen to the party since the October 7 defeat.

Why would the few remaining ABC supporters worry about a garrulous charlatan boycotting their party?

The last time she was wearing the ABC like a wig, it lost more than 200 000 voters, flew to the opposition benches and became a smallanyana party. Nothing hurts more than that. So bring it on mummy!

Nka! Ichuuuuuuuuuuu!

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The RFP’s thokolosi



The RFP leaders should fire whoever is advising them on how to deal with constituencies demanding a conference to elect a new executive committee. Their response to those demands has been a comedy of errors.
It’s been nothing short of kindergarten blunders unbefitting of people who sold themselves as the smart ones to lead the country out of darkness.
The secretary general told those bellowing for a conference to take a chill pill and wait for Uncle Sammy to give directions.
Uncle Sammy said those people or their kind are divisive, dragging the party off its agenda and incapable of understanding his dream for the country.
Other leaders have said those clamouring for a conference can go plead their case to a mountain because the current national executive committee will run the party for another six pregnancies.
Never mind the words they use, the leaders are telling the members that they will not be told how to manage a party they started. This is to say the leaders will not be taking instructions from the riffraff. Yes, I said it! Those rubbed the wrong way can curse.
Someone should round up the RFP’s executive committee members, lock them up in a room, throw away the keys and spank them until they understand politics.
They are clearly struggling to make a distinction between a political party and private companies. You would think this is common sense but the human mind is always slow to banish habits.
The RFP leaders were used to being business owners, not political leaders. That is why they cannot understand why anyone who wasn’t there when they started the party can tell them how to manage it.
But make no mistake, reality will grab them by the noses and eyelids back to their senses. They will be taught three simple lessons. The first is that political parties are voluntary entities in which power lies with the members.
The second is that party members are not employees you can just instruct to jump around because you pay their wages.
The third, which is more important, is that the only time a political party is a personal property is when it’s an idea in the founder’s head. Once registered and people join, the members own the party together with its structures, leaders and vision.
The other problem with the RFP’s responses to the demands for an elective conference is that they keep pretending that those three constituencies are just rogues out to sabotage the party. Nothing can be further from the truth.
Those constituencies are small thokolosis of someone right there in the party’s echelons. They represent a growing faction in the party. That faction that is a thokolosi was birthed when the party was still a spirit. It was nurtured when the party was registered and continued to grow during the campaign.
By the time the RFP became government, it was a full-blown thokolosi vigorously doing bedroom things to produce more thokolosis. Now it is granddaddy thokolosi living in the RFP’s armpits.
There is a simple way to find the thokolosi’s owner.
Just round them up and beat them until their parents start wailing. If the parents don’t come out the thokolosis will run to them for protection.

Nka! Ichuuuuuuuuuuu!

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